My Body is a Cage: FenrisxHawke
by Solitary Solid
Summary: The wolf seems to have caught himself a Hawke. A story taking a deeper look, and some liberties with the Fenrisxf!Hawke relationship. Rated Mature for some chapters. Bioware owns all the characters and major plot.
1. Introduction

Love, what exactly was love but a form of enslavement. Caged to where you once stood free by the emotions that bound you to someone else. You were at their mercy, at their beck and call, whatever they wanted, you felt compelled to do it. How harsh it felt, how lonely it left you but this seemed to all be a distant past. Now all that remained was a hollow shell, an empty feeling in her chest where her heart once beat. She was no one's slave. She was no one's lover. Her body was an empty cage.

All she had done, what was it for? She had hoped it to be for a larger purpose. She had wanted to defend the weak and helpless, and make the lives of those in Kirkwall better but all she had done was leave the city in chaos. She had started an uprising and left while the city burned. She had saved the one who destroyed the chantry and now travelled with him. They had all left her but him. Bethany had joined the fighting for the mages' cause after traveling with her for awhile. She hadn't been able to stop her sister, so how could she have hoped to stop the others? Isabella was the first however. At the sight of the Qunari artifact, Isabella had turned on her and left her to face the mercenaries as she ran away to the dock. She wasn't bitter about that, but she was bitter about the taste it left in her mouth. He had described this to her before, his revenge he said had tasted "like bitter ashes," how appropriate that her heroism now tasted that way. Aveline had taken her leave next. Aveline was to meet up with her husband in Ferelden. They had to be living a nice life, Aveline reinstated to her old position under the rule of the kind King Allister. Merrill had decided to leave after that, and Varric had followed her off stating that she couldn't survive on her own, but there was more to it than that. She had heard their chatter in the streets when they had once walked together. So now all she had was Anders, and she could see the way he looked at her. He stared at her with eyes full of regret and sorrow. If it wasn't those eyes it was the hateful eyes of Vengeance, telling her how he felt she was in his way to Justice with a single look. He was going to be next to leave, and she did not fault him for it. She had wished he had left awhile ago, but he stayed around for some reason unknown to her. Maybe it was because he felt regret over the choices he forced upon her, or maybe it was that he still held some affection for the woman he had seen in Kirkwall.

That woman was dead however…


	2. Chapter 1: The meeting

Disclaimer: Bioware owns all the characters in this story. I just take liberties and make them kiss. This is also my first fanfiction so be easy on me.

It seemed like yesterday when all of this had started; the flight from Ferelden with Darkspawn at her heels, her brother's limp body at the feet of an Ogre, Flemeth. It took her years to work her way up in Kirkwall, so many battles and so many faces lost but one still haunted her. Those pale green eyes, the stark contrast of his white hair against his tan skin. That night had almost killed her. She had no idea what she was getting into, just another job to get enough money to go down the deep road. They had all left blood on her hands, but it didn't matter so long as they weren't innocents, and any task in Lowtown never involved innocents.

She had remembered Varric's temper with her as he saw her handing out coins to the orphans. He said it would be five years before she made enough to convince his brother to let her join, but she knew it wouldn't be that long and anything in the Deep Roads wasn't changing though they insisted the Darkspawn would be back soon. She wasn't afraid of the Darkspawn. She owed them retribution for what had occurred to Carver. She still shook remembering how it had occurred, and she still felt the joy when remembering what it felt like to sink her blades into the Ogre's throat.

But none of that was important, it was that one night. She had received a letter at her uncle's writing desk, telling her that help was required in retrieving an object. The pay was fair enough, and it seemed like an easy task. Go to Lowtown and retrieve an item from an abandoned house. The man, Anso, said there would be little resistance as it was in an abandoned district. Robbing an empty house and she was making a fair share off of it. She had agreed and walked off with her blades at her side. Anders, and Bethany told her it would be foolish to go off by herself. Varric and Aveline told her it was surely a trap. She had laughed at them, who could possibly want her dead? She had been a slave til a few months ago. She was a nobody, her name meant nothing. She was just a hired blade. She had told them that they were worrying for no reason and that she would be fine by herself, it would be better if she went by herself. A large party would draw attention in Lowtown, and if anyone tried to accost her by herself she could just outrun them. She was a shadow, a rogue; she would blend in much better than the guard captain, or two apostates.

Anders and Bethany had tried to force their company upon her, but she soon ditched them down a dark alley. She had always felt Anders had another motive in his companionship. She saw the way he looked at her, and how possessive he seemed to be of her company. She didn't want any of that. She just wanted to make something for her family; there was no time to think of companionship or crushes.

She crouched on a rooftop and watched them look around for her before she started to travel from rooftop to rooftop to get to her destination. She slid off an awning to get to the clearing where the house was. It was completely deserted, dark and empty like she was told it would be. She unsheathed her blades for good measure and opened the door slowly. It creaked on its hinges announcing her presence to the darkness. The moonlight through the broken roof gave her enough light to see the chest, and her sharp ears heard the rubble shift behind the next room. Someone was here.

She stopped dead in her tracks and reached into the pouch at her hip grabbing a vial to toss it into the next room. As the glass shattered on the floor smoke started to blanket the room. Coughs and choking echoed from the next room, curses and scrambling as they rushed into the clear air where she was. Mercenaries. She was at their throats in an instance. They had long swords, that would have given them an advantage if they were not cramped into one corridor, or if they didn't realize she was there waiting for them. The smoke had left them teary eyed and blinded, but she was perfectly fine.

Her blade sung as it arced through the air, finding it's home in the first one's leather armor. Leather armor was decent, but it only took a little more effort to push the blade through and she dug her blade deep. She kicked the first one away from her, sliding the blade out as he fell back. The next one she brought her blade up and slashed at his throat, sending a gush of blood at her and her foe falling to the floor drowning on her own blood. The third one was wizened to her, he had heard his comrades fall and he backed off into the smoke. She stepped back a few paces letting the night air diminish the smoke. She wasn't going to charge, she had the advantage. The man stared at her down the hall, he was trapped. There was no way out from the back. They had hoped to kill their foe by surprise but mercenaries never got her back.

"We could make a deal… just let me go." He was begging for his life, a mercenary begging for his life. It was true that gold only got one so far.

She was crouched, ready to rush at him. "No."

"Well I'm not going to come after you."

"On guard then…"

She rushed down the hall against her better senses. He brought his long sword up in an attempt to parry her blades. It would have worked had she only one. She blocked him with her one blade, pushing his sword aside to stab her other blade into his gut. She saw the shock and fear take over his eyes as the whites got bigger. She saw him fumble as she stepped back. He dropped his sword and grabbed his wound as his life spilled over the floor. She just stared at him as he collapsed to the floor.

She stared at the mess she had caused. Three dead when none were supposed to be here. She light stepped over the last body and walked towards the chest in the corner of the room. Their armor marked them as Tevinter. She hadn't seen Tevinter mercenaries since she had first come here. They were all slavers she knew, even though slavery was outlawed here they still crept in to take the unsuspecting away.

She easily unlocked the chest and opened it, to only be faced with cobwebs. "Are you fucking kidding me..? This was all a setup." She was cursing more at herself than the situation. They were all right and she was wrong. She wondered what she was walking out to find. Were they trying to capture her? She was just a smuggler… She wasn't worth anything.

She stepped over the bodies. She hadn't realized how messy she had finished them. She was covered in their blood. It was running down her cuirass and soaking into her clothes underneath. There was no hope of her going unnoticed now. She walked into the clearly and all that stood before her was a man in heavy armor.

"I don't know who you are, friend, but you made a serious mistake coming here." She stared blankly at him, why was he so angry with her? Oh, right, she had destroyed his family. "Lieutenant I want everyone out in the clearing!"

Only silence answered his command, and he turned back to look at her before she grew wide-eyed as she saw a man come around the corner holding his stomach as blood gushed from him. The man made a feeble plea of "Captain" before collapsing to the ground.

An elf walked around from the corner then. He was tall and his skin was an olive color. His hair was such a white that it seemed a stark comparison to his skin color. His skin… He had odd white lines running through him. "Your man are dead and your trap has failed I suggest running back to your master while you can." His voice was gruff and stern when he talked. She wouldn't have raised a question to this man as he walked down the stairs and towards her.

"You're going nowhere,Slave." The Captain reached out as he walked past him, grasping the elf's shoulder.

"I am not a slave."His skin burned a bright blue and in a second his hand was through the Captain's chest. The man gurgled out blood before collapsing to the ground dead as the elf removed his hand from the man's chest. "I apologize when I asked Anso to make a distraction from the hunters I had no idea they would be so numerous."

"I guess they were looking for you." The fears that she would become a slave in Tevinter washed away, leaving her slightly relieved. The fact she didn't have to kill anyone else made her feel slightly lighter as well.

"Yes…Even though the trap was crude, I could not face them alone. Good thing Anso chose wisely." He had a smirk as he looked at her, eyeing her up before glancing at the corpse before him. She doubted she looked funny, but who was she to say? She hadn't looked in a mirror since she had slaughtered those men, and she was covered in blood.

She bit her lower lip slightly before frowning, "Everything Anso said was a lie then..?"

"Not everything, your employer was just not who he seemed to be."He was at least clever, but she guessed he had to be clever to set her up like this.

"If you couldn't face them, why didn't you just run? That seems foolish."

"There come a time when you can't run anymore." He frowned slightly, the smug smile washing from his face.

"Whatever you say, it is just foolish to go after these people… but most of all it is foolish to anger me. You know I don't appreciate being lied to."

He laughed again, perhaps at the thought he should fear her. "Perhaps the deception was wrong, but I have come accustomed to lying. I apologize. What was in the chest though?"

"Nothing. Just spiders."She kicked lightly at the ground before her, finding herself feeling flushed in his presence. She was angry that he had put her in this dangerous situation, but he seemed like a dangerous person and that made her feel excited. He was nothing like Anders it seemed just from this brief glimpse. "Were you expecting something else?"

"Yes. Though I shouldn't have."

"I guess that's the second time tonight you've been foolish. The job is done. Where is my payment?"

"It isn't though, I need your help still. I believe he is still in the area."

"I guess you are going to do more than just talk then if you need me to help? Plus it would be two of us against however many he has..That doesn't seem smart."

"He wants to strip the flesh from my bones and sent so many hunters that I lost count, before that he kept me as a pet on a leash to mock Qunari customs. So yes I want to do more than talk. I will find a way to repay you. As a means of more help, I know you have other companions. I've been watching you for some time." The way he looked at her, it made her heart rush. She felt like a little girl in his presence.

"I'm not going to drag my sister into this or the others…. You get me or you get nothing. Plus I have no idea where they've gone it would take me all night to get a party together."

"Well then… It looks like we are off."


	3. Chapter 2: Bait and Switch

She had gotten herself into more than she bargained for, but she somehow wanted to impress this elf. She had stopped at the nearest well to clean herself off. He had said they were going to Hightown, and all she needed was the guards stopping her because of the blood that covered her.

"So what should I call you? My Savior?"She splashed her face and rubbed the water off to shake her head. Some beads of water ran down her short black hair and she wiped them away before stepping back from the well.

"Fenris." He was staring at her again, but it didn't make feel uncomfortable like it did when Anders looked at her.

"Do you not care to know my name?" She started to walk off in the direction he had told her. He was following close.

"I already know your name, Hawke. You were one of the only people that Anso recommended by name." She laughed at that. Anso had sent her into a trap unknowingly, but she imagined even if it was a trap Anso would have had complete faith in her. "What is so funny about that?"

She shook her head," Oh… Nothing. My life has just been odd since the Darkspawn came. This would have never of happened to me back in Ferelden." What really made her laugh though was the fact that he had been keeping tabs on her to see if she was worthy to his cause.

"Do you miss your home?" She looked over at him, he wasn't looking at her. What an odd question to ask someone you just met. It was like they were friends when he had sent her into a trap not moments before.

"No. I miss the people I've left behind, and those I've lost… but I am content in Kirkwall."

Silence filled the rest of the walk. She knew Bethany would kill her when she got home but who knew, maybe she'd end up dead by following this elf into another obvious trap.

For a mansion in Hightown it was pretty rundown. No one had been here for awhile it seemed and it looked like no one was here still.

"Are you sure this is the right place? Or did you just bring me here to kill me in some elaborate plot..?" She looked at him questioningly. This was much too odd but only odd things happened to her in Kirkwall.

"No. This is the right place." He had this look about him, this stern look that seemed to wash away any smirks he had given her before. He was hardened and was oozing anger. Fenris had to of seen this as his last battle.

They walked in and she knew right away that everything was wrong here. The air was dark and hard to breathe in. It was like she was tasting death with every inhalation. Fenris didn't seem to feel it like she did but she had always been sensitive to the creatures of the fade and magic even if she herself didn't wish to practice it. He just looked around slightly on guard. A voice was talking through the air, mocking Fenris. She knew that this was magic, it was all magic, but it was a very dark magic.

"He isn't here… I should have known. I'm so stupid."

"He might not be…." Her voice was cut off as shades appeared around them."..but they are.."

"Dark magic.. I hate mages and bloody magic." He slashed at the shades and they roared out as his great sword touched them.

She danced with her blades gracefully avoiding the Shades' slow movements. She made quick work of them as Fenris slashed at the ones trying to engulf him in their darkness. She watched him move and slash taking in his form. He was graceful and lithe even for an elf. She sheathed her blades as the last one faded into the shadows it came from with a final screech. She wiped some sweat from her brow as she watched him pace. She was feeling better since the shades disappeared but it left her disquieted that their presence affected her so. She thought she had sealed all the magic off from her.

"I was foolish to believe he would be here." He was beating himself up on the inside but she had no real interest in that. She had doubted he would be here. A Tevinter magister would be smarter than to be at the end of such an easy job. What was she even supposed to say in this situation. I'm sorry?

"I'm sorry he wasn't. I have to be getting back. My family will be worried." She turned to walk away but she could feel him starring at her.

"It must be nice, having a family to go home to."

"Some nights, others not so much." She looked back at him. What did the elf want? He didn't seem like the type to want her to stay. He probably just wanted her to leave, and she did so. She didn't truly expect a thank you, she was being paid to help him.

The night air was still muggy even though the sun had gone down. It would be nicer in her uncle's homeat Lowtown since it was closer to the water. She walked with quick steps as she went back home. She was prepared to hear a blast when she got home. She hoped Anders had just gone back to his clinic.


	4. Chapter 3: A New Companion

She was right, they had squeezed the life out of her with hugs and had lectured her until she felt her ears were going to fall off. Her mother and her sister made quite the pair; all that was missing was Carver to call her an idiot. She sighed, she felt that hole in her heart just as her mother and sister did though she tried not to show it. The things of her nightmares were the scene where Carver was smashed to the ground repeatedly by the Ogre. It seemed to loop in her dreams, always making her wake up in a sweat. She awoke this time to slide out of the top bunk of her bed, landing with a light thud in front of Bethany's bed. She rolled over, mumbling something incoherent in her sleep as Hawke slid her armor back on. It was early, and she was swore from last night but there were jobs still to do. She wouldn't be able to visit Varric until mid-day. Varric always slept too late in her opinion, but he stayed up all night so the time evened out she assumed., in some way she didn't quite understand.

When her blades were at her hips and her boots on tightly she went to check the writing desk. The mail was piling up; her old employers wanting her to help them smuggle some more, some rescue missions, some missions to just go and retrieve herbs from spider infested areas. None of these appealed to her, but she would go and see her old employer. She had always paid well, and since she was no longer her slave she paid well enough. She wasn't that far from her goal to pay for the Deep Road expedition. Bethany would be angry she left without her again but she loved her alone time. In all truth, it was to protect Bethany. She still felt guilty for Carver's death, and if anything happened to Bethany…

She shook her head as she walked out of the rundown shack that she called home. She got to the docks and looked around for the elven smuggler. She had to admit that she was beautiful for a woman that ran the largest smuggling operation in Kirkwall, but more she was probably the most cunning woman she'd come across, herself not included. She saw another elf instead of the one she was looking for though, it was that Fenris man. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, had he known she was coming here? This city wasn't that small to run into people she had just worked for the night before. He was looking around , looking for something.. someone rather. When his eyes met hers he walked over.

"Hawke." Such a simple greeting for such a complex man she thought.

"Fenris." She put her hands in her pockets to study him, taking a relaxed stance to make him feel less on edge. She wondered if he always looked so tense, or if it was just when he was around her.

"I owe you for last night."

"Don't worry about it." She didn't truly care about the gold, she felt better in the effect that she had helped him escape from going back into slavery.

He raised an eyebrow at her, he seemed curious about her answers. "You truly don't care if I pay you?"

"No… Not truly. I have enough jobs lined up on my door. I should have told you to wait your turn in line." She laughed trying to ease her words, she bordered on insensitive in her humorous remarks, she felt laughing always softened whatever someone might take as offensive.

"How noble. I never expected you to be so… genuine of a person. I had always assumed what I heard about you were just stories."

"Oh, there are stories about me now? I'm flattered."

"Not all of them are good."

She smirked at him as his mood darkened. "I assure you they quite deserved it." She brushed her pants off, feeling nervous under his stare. He was such an attractive man, and his eyes held such a stern judgment when they looked at her. "I know you didn't come all the way to the docks to just offer me my payment. It seems a large walk for you."

He shrugged looking away from her as he talked. "I owe you. I figured I would lend you my services if you would take them. I heard you wanted to go into the Deep Roads and I thought you could use my help." He rubbed the back of his head, he sounded so awkward and unsure of himself.

"If that is what you want.. You can come and meet the others tonight at the Hanged Man. We usually meet up once a week anyways." She heard the bells chime the hour and she cursed lightly under her breath. "I'm late to meet my next contract… Athenril is going to be furious with me." She rushed past him, leaving him to look at her form as she raced off.

He stood there puzzled. He hated that he had been dragged into some social event. He hated crowds, he hated strangers. She was a natural leader. She oozed charisma and confidence and she was so… warm hearted. She didn't even blink an eye when he asked her to go after Danarius with him. She saw things so black and white, good or bad, right or wrong… and she put her everything into it. He never thought she would be so beautiful either. Anso hadn't told him that she was a beautiful, vibrant woman… but I guess he didn't need that for the job he had asked Anso to find him a person for.


	5. Chapter 4: A Party and a Past

He had arrived a little later than she had said to come to the Hanged Man. He hated the place. It served horrible liquor and smelled like vomit but nobody else seemed to mind. He preferred vintage wines to the piss of an ale they served here. He saw their party soon enough, and an odd party it made. She surrounded herself with every kind of character there was. A boisterous dwarf, a shy elf, two apostates, and the captain of the city guard and a pirate. What kind of woman could keep them all in balance?

She was laughing as she kept drink to drink with dwarf. They were taking shots of something. She glanced over at the doorway and saw him to stand up and raise her glass that Varric filled quickly.

"Here he is! My savior!" He could tell she was drunk. Her face was slightly flushed and she seemed much more talkative than in the streets or the night before. She wasn't the leader here, she was part of the group at the second. "Come sit down!" There was a seat next to her, he had guessed she saved it to keep him from feeling awkward as the new comer to the party. The one apostate was glaring at him,, the filthy mage should keep his eyes to himself. He didn't quite understand the man's hatred at all but he saw it flare as she put her arm around his shoulder. He tensed, not liking someone that close to him.

"This is Fenris everyone…" She proceeded to introduce him to everyone then. They all smiled politely or shook his hand and he accepted them all, even the mages with a noticeable disdain. He hated these vipers she kept around her, they would turn on her at any second. He knew how mages were. "Now a toast to Fenris, our newest companion! To many easy battles and lots of coin!"

She clinked the glass that had appeared before him to hers and then swallowed her shot quickly. He had wondered how many she had had. They were all laughing and joking throughout the next couple of hours, and he felt at ease in this party even if there were mages. They were seated far away from him… he had wondered if she had set up the seating arrangements on purpose. He noticed Anders sat furthest from her, next to her sister. He had seen the way Anders had pined after Hawke all night, and the looks he gave him for being so close. It was obvious that he wanted Hawke, and obviously Hawke realized that by keeping him away from her. He smirked to himself as he drank with them at this realization.

He was feeling slightly tipsy as the dwarf was pulling tales from Hawke, asking her about her past.

"Is this going into that memoire you're writing about me? The Great Midadventures of Hawke!" She laughed. "No one wants to hear about my past, and anyways Bethany is here to take all the regality out of my tales."

"Sister! You do paint me so horrible!"

"Well come on, Bethany… like you don't like to burst my bubble."

"I only keep you in check."

Bethany was laugh and Hawke was smiling at her. It must be nice to have such a family. He spoke up though. "I would like to hear about how you came upon Kirkwall.."

They all agreed prodding at her until she caved in.

"Where do I start… Bethany won't like any of this I assure you." She raised her hands in a defensive gesture as her sister looked at her. "My father wanted me to train to be a mage like Bethany… but I had no interest in magic.."

"Rather she was bad at it. She got frustrated and refused to do anymore training."

She sneered at her sister before continuing. Would he have liked her if she had chosen to be a mage? He couldn't quite tell. He was drawn to her like all the rest of them. "ANYWHO… I told my father that I was going to explore to find out what I truly wanted to do… My mother nearly had a fit over it, she said that it was unbecoming of a lady to go exploring on her own… but I had quite the mouth on me if you can't believe that… and I told her that I would be leaving whether she wanted me to or not.." She sipped at her drink before continuing. "She still gets mad at me for leaving… and Bethany is still angry over it too."

"Well you left for three years! You left me with Carver and all he did was pick on me."

Varric was scribbling in some journal sloppily as she talked. "Do continue, Hawke."

"Well, I left… and it wasn't a week before I got lost. I was going to go to Denerium and visit the Chantry… see if I was meant to be a Templar or something silly like that…I guess it wasn't in my cards. The forest was dense and I almost quit and turned back but I couldn't figure out which way was back. I happened upon werewolves I shit you not… werewolves. They were big and ferocious and I was a little more than scared. I felt so stupid for leaving home to just be eaten so I ran. They were quicker than me, sure. I couldn't run for long but I ran to the high ground. It gave me enough of an advantage that I was able to slay them, well… two of them. The others backed off and disappeared into the forest. "

She seemed to be getting bored of her story as she rested her head on her one hand. "So I was in the middle of a werewolf infested forest with two dead werewolves at my feet and Maker knows how many others around me… I heard footsteps and I almost died from fear but when I turned around it was some Dalish hunters behind me. They had seen everything I did, and they respected me for it. They said for my age it was amazing the wolves didn't eat me… Their clan had been dying because of the werewolves… something about being infected by them…a curse." She yawned. "So I stayed with them for three years much to my sister's dismay, and I came to lead one of their hunting parties."

The young elf, Merrill seemed to perk at this as he did. "You lived with the Dalish, Hawke! Why didn't you ever say anything? I always wondered how you knew how to converse with the first so well."

She shrugged, "I never think it anything special… I was one piece of a whole with them. You don't feel unique in the Dalish clans… you know that, Merrill… and I don't think the Dalish want to talk about how a human had been accepted into their fold. I fixed the werewolf problem with them, some were sentient… and they had been attacking the wrong tribe much to their dismay. All they wanted was revenge, and I wasn't about to waste more of my people in a futile war with wolves…. Ma emma harel."

"You should fear me?" Hawke laughed at Fenris' translation.

"Yes… I said that to the werewolves and then we fought and they ran off . I lost too many people to be proud of what I did… So I cut my hair and left them. Sometimes I wish I had stayed."She finished her glass. "After that I went home. When I heard of a Blight spreading, Carver and I joined the King's Army and fought at Ostagar. I dragged him away from the fight as we were overrun… and only one of us made it to Kirkwall." He saw her face darken, and Aveline look down at the table at her last statement. It seems Aveline had been with her longer than he suspected.

She pushed her glass away from her. "But that is a tale for another time." She gave a weak smile. "I think it's time we went home Bethany. Mother will be displeased if I come back too hung." She laughed at her pun to stand up and back away from the table. "Goodnight everyone." She touched his shoulder lightly, barely even touching before she patted Varric on the back. She hugged Merril and Aveline goodbye before walking past Anders and linking arms with her sister to walk out.

The party soon died without her there. The pirate kept making advances on him but he shunned her away. The dwarf had come up with a nickname for him, broody he said. It fit he guessed. He had chuckled at that before getting up and leaving. He didn't like being around that Anders fellow, and he didn't like the way he seemed jealous of him. Jealous that he sat next to Hawke? What was this guy's problem or was he missing something?


	6. Chapter 5: Speaking to Fenris

She had slept past the time she was supposed to sleep. She knew that as Bethany started tugging at her arm, trying to pull her off the bunk. "Are you going to sleep all day!" It seemed like a feasible thing to do, sleep all day. "You know we have to pay Bartrand today and start packing for the Deep Roads!" Oh, yeah… that was today. She sighed as she opened her bright blue eyes to stare at her sister.

"I hardly think accosting me in my sleep will make me more likely to bring you to the Deep Roads…" She just stared at her as she saw Bethany bristle at her comment. It was true though, she wasn't going to take her sister with her. Her mother had already captured her and begged her not to take Bethany. It was unfair of Hawke to take Bethany like she had taken Carver with her so many years ago.

"You always do what mother says! Don't you ever think on your own! I'm old enough to handle myself, and you know my magic is stronger than Anders."

She had thought about leaving Anders behind as well. She sighed and rolled over, turning her back to her sister. "If I always did what mother said, she wouldn't have to nag me like she does… and anyways I don't feel comfortable leaving her with just our Uncle."

That seemed to make Bethany edge off. She huffed and stomped out of the room. Hawke took the time to stretch before sliding out of bed and into her clothes. She had a headache from the night before, she didn't have a good tolerance for liquor but she always somehow seemed to be in a contest with Varric. It was foolish but it entertained her. She at least applauded herself that Fenris seemed to fit smoothly into the party as long as she kept him away from the mages. There wouldn't be a table between them during he Deep Roads though. She could see the way he mistrusted them, and hated him… but she didn't blame him after what the Magister did to him. She held the opposite view point of him, but it was good to have differing view points. It allowed her to see the larger implications behind actions and decisions. There was always someone there to keep her in check, always someone there to teach her… but it left room for people to get offended when she spoke against their wishes. She couldn't help it, but there seemed to be too many toes she was stepping on lately.

She at least waited for Bethany to cool down before leaving. Her sister was the more sensible with money. All Hawke did was spend it or lose it when it was in her possession. "Are you ready to go? I didn't realize robes took that much effort to put on." She was sitting on the floor stretching as she looked to the side at her sister who was fixing her hair in the broken mirror.

"Don't be bitter because you chopped all your hair off. I still think you look better with long hair."

Hawke brushed off her comment and jumped up as he sister started to walk to the door, walking with her to go meet Batrand in High town. Her eyes drifted to where Fenris stayed as they walked past his manor. Bethany wasn't without notice and chuckled lightly. "You have an odd fascination with that elf… and I think he has one with you."

"You're looking far too much into things, I assure you. I look at all our friend's houses as we pass."

"But not with such puppy dog eyes." Bethany was teasing her now , she knew it. They always had these banters back and forth, but for once she wished Bethany believed what she was saying. Perhaps she did, but she doubted Fenris held anything for her. "Could you imagine if you ended up with him? Mother would die! I know she wants to marry you off to some noble after we get the estate back, which is all but guaranteed." Bethany went on prattling about how the will they had found back in the estate confirmed her suspicions, how the Viscount would have to turn the Amelle estate over to Hawke. She didn't really care, High town meant nothing to her but that estate seemed to mean everything to her mother since she got back.

"I'll just buy it when I get back from this expedition… I should have enough."

"It's rightfully ours though."

"I'd rather not fight over it. If I pay for it we still get it without any hassle."

They dropped off the money to Bartrand. Varric had finally convinced him that she was necessary after showing the maps that Hawke had gotten from Anders. That had taken some dirty work that she hadn't enjoyed. She first saw Vengeance that night, and it still made her shiver to think of his eyes. Ever since then she had always been two steps ahead of Anders, always out of his reach. He had said they were the same person that he couldn't separate Vengeance from him, and that had severed all interested she had in him.

They all stood and listened to the plans being run over. She was only allowed to take three others with her. Varric was a must for the Deep Roads, and Anders had signed himself up saying that she wasn't to be without a healer in her party… she couldn't fault him that logic. She felt Merril was too fragile to go into the Deep Roads with her, and Aveline had too much to take care of with the guard. A guard captain couldn't take a two week vacation, not in Kirkwall. Isabella or Fenris was left. She didn't know what would kill her sooner: the battles between Fenris and Anders or the banter of Isabella and Varric. She figured Anders pissing on her leg was a lot better than the bawdy comments of Isabella and Varric, either option left her craving for the Darkspawn to eat her however.

"I need to go by Fenris' and see if he is okay with going on the expedition.. I'd rather have a warrior with us than three rogues. Maker knows one of us is enough." Varric chuckled at her and wished her good luck, while her sister gave her a questioning look. "Bethany tell Mother that I'll be to dinner."

She turned to walk to Fenris' manor waving goodbye as she walked off. She felt guilty always leaving Bethany, but looking at her reminded her so much of Carver, another one she couldn't save. Her head was swirling with melancholy thoughts as she got to his manor. She knew knocking was pointless, he never answered the door and he always left it unlocked like he was inviting trouble. She walked in, feeling ever like the intruder. She walked up the stairs to his room where a fire was burning lowly. It was dark in there but he wasn't sleeping. He was sitting in one of the arm chairs before the fire. He casually glanced up at her with those mossy green eyes.

"Hello, Hawke, and what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"He seemed to have been in deep thought, brooding as he always did but his face seemed to warm a little at her presence.

"I would prefer if you came with me on the Deep Roads expedition tomorrow." She leaned her arm on the chair, looking into the fire rather than at his face. She always felt flustered when her eyes locked with his.

"If that is what you want, then I will go." He was reaching for a bottle of wine, pouring her a glass before he poured himself one.

"Anders will be coming." She let her eyes shift to look at him, gauging his reaction. He prickled, tensed up a little but he didn't look up from the wine as he poured it. He pushed her glass towards her before leaning back to drink his.

"I don't understand why you bring that abomination with you wherever you go. He is dangerous and uncontrollable."

"He is a gifted healer, and a friend." She heard him snort at that. It was true, Anders wasn't a friend. He was Anders, the one who precariously positioned himself between friend and lover, who would leap over that boundary she set at even the slightest look from her.

"He wants you, Hawke. I can see it in the way he looks at you."

"and what about in the way you look at me? What does that mean?" He smirked at her to give a slight chuckle. He hadn't thought she caught him looking, but he forgot how observant she was, how on guard she always was. Sometimes he forgot how cunning she was until she was before an enemy. The way she could talk her way out of any situation, the way she tricked even the smartest of foes to become her friends. He wondered if she had used that trickery on him.

"You are too clever for your own good… When are we supposed to leave tomorrow?" She gave him the details, and he committed them to memory. They sat in silence for awhile, splitting the bottle of sweet wine between them. It was a peaceful night for a night before a hazardous trip into the Deep Roads.

She shifted her weight to look at him as he was staring at the fire place. "So you know about my past, but I know nothing about you."

He looked up at her to give her a small smile. "You want to know about my past, Hawke? Are you this intimate with every friend of yours?"

She blushed slightly. "The others are more forth-coming about themselves."

He laughed at her. She had a completely different personality when she was without everyone around her. He truly wondered if she was this easy-going with everyone, if she made house calls to Anders, or Varric, or Aveline.

"I don't truly have anything to tell you sadly. I don't remember anything before I got my markings." The bottle was almost empty, and he wasn't drunk enough to start telling his history to this woman, but it seemed easier to talk to her than it had been with anyone else before. She made everything seem so easy with the way she solved problems without bloodshed, the way she tricked those trying to trick her, and she had such a kind heart even to those dirty mages. He hated her for it, how sociable she was, and how easy she made everything seem. "He used to make me pour this for his guest. He said my appearance intimidated them."

"I can't imagine why you put them off." She gave this coy smile at him that made his heart race, made him forge t the hate that seethed from him remembering Danarius.

"None of his guests were like you."

"It seems you have lived a hard life…"

"I'd rather not speak of it."

"Are you certain? I'm willing to listen."

"To my whining? Very charitable of you."

They lapsed into silence again as she debated if she should leave. She felt she was overstaying her welcome.

"I've wanted to leave my past behind me, but it won't stay there. Tell me… have you never wanted to return to Ferelden?"

"I have no home left to return to. I've started a life here."

"You leave it behind so easily?"

"No… not truly. There are things that will always haunt me… but I have made Kirkwell my home for now."

"I'm sorry for prying. It just seems so familiar." He seemed to be aligning himself with her stories. She was someone torn away from her past, but at least she remembered it. He wondered if he wanted to remember, all her could recall was her face when she said that one name, Carver. Did he really want to remember at the cost of having such sorrows?

"What about you, Fenris? Do you plan staying here? It sounds to me like you wish to stay here.."

"I could see myself doing that… for the right reasons. I cannot leave a wolf at my back however, Danarius will return. I should thank you again for fighting off the hunters. Had I known Anso would have found me a woman so capable I would have asked him sooner."

"Maybe I should be thanking Anso." They both chuckled.

"Maybe you should. Perhaps I'll practice my flattery for your next visit. With any luck I'll become better at it."

She felt her face get hot at his words. She wasn't used to him turning his charm on her, it usually was just her making the quips. "I will see you tomorrow then." He had that smirk on his face again, she guessed he could see the effect of his flirting on her. She took her leave then walking back to her home feeling a little tipsy.


	7. Chapter 6: Departure

When he arrived at the spot they were meeting he saw that everyone was there to see them off. Hawke was talking with Aveline and Merrill, assuming she was saying how she wishd she could take them with her, but he knew that Batrand didn't want her taking more than three others with her for fear she might betray him. She hugged them and they took their leave, leaving her with her mother and sister. Her mother had that worried look on her face that Fenris had only ever seen her wear, she wasn't completely worried though as she had Bethany next to her. He hadn't cared to ask who else was coming with them, but now he saw that Bethany wasn't one of them. There was a certain pride that he was one of the few she chose to go with her, she always took him with her even on the missions he wouldn't wish to go on, like saving mages. He had this weird line between admiration, lust and hatred for her as she saved these mages and hadthe audacity to take him. She knew how much he hated the mages, but he assumed she was trying to show him they weren't all bad, but most of the rescue missions had ended horribly with blood magic turning them into abominations… speaking of abominations…

Anders was standing close to Hawke. He hated the way he was possessive of her when she wasn't his. What delusions filled his head to think that she wanted him, or had she led him on? Did she visit him late at night and share drinks and stories of her past with him as well? He doubted it, but the way she smiled at something he said made him question how he had first pegged their relationship. He saw her look at him from the corner of her eye before going back to converse with them, hugging her mother and sister a final time before turning to look at Fenris, her hands on her hips.

"Always the last one to the party I see."

Varric and Anders turned to look at him as she addressed him. "Broody was probably fixing his hair. It must take a lot of effort to get those white locks to lay just perfectly."

Anders scoffed. "He probably thinks he's too good to grace us with his presence."

"I debated not coming when I heard you were coming, abomination, but Hawke convinced me that you wouldn't be a nuisance."

Hawke stepped between them before it go too heated, a weak smile on her lips. "Oh come on guys, how about you wait and put that pent up male aggression on the Darkspawn."

He backed down reluctantly like Anders, letting Hawke slip away to make final plans with Batrand and then they set out onto the expedition. She couldn't have foresaw what this was going to do to her future, none of them did.


	8. Chapter 7: Where large things sleep

She had volunteered them to go into the caves that were too weak to have the whole party venture down when the scouts had come back proclaiming the main road was blocked. She led the way always at the front. Anders stood at her heel again and he walked with Varric. None of them talked, however. They didn't want to invite the Darkspawn to them, nor did they want to risk a cave in from their voices. She kept glancing back at him, probably checking on him but there was something else in her eyes he never saw from her before… was that fear?

They heard the growls before they saw the Darkspawn, but they knew they were close. He saw her lunge through the air, digging both of her blades into one Darkspawn's chest before he saw the others rush at her. Varric was already firing at them and he watched one after the other drop dead around her. Anders' body started to glow blue as he tapped into that abomination, firing fireballs at the enemies in front of them. Hawke didn't even flinch as they ran at her she just slashed them aside, kicking them out of the way as she walked into the clearing. He rushed around the corner as she disappeared behind it his great sword swinging at the spiders that were crawling out after them. She was on a mission and he saw why. She was stalking her prey. A huge Ogre was trying to get into a rock crevasse and she was eyeing it up. It was foolish to attack an Ogre by herself. He wanted to call out to her but if he yelled the Ogre would turn its attention on her. She jumped up onto the nearby rocks to jump onto it's back. It screamed and tried to shake her but she dug her blades into his back.

"HAWKE WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Anders screamed out as they had cleared the area. The Ogre was moving to slam her into the nearest column. Anders moved quickly moving to throw a fireball at it.

"Are you stupid you might hit her!" Fenris growled at Anders pushing him aside so that his fireball hit the ground.

Anders got up looking like he was going to start a fight with Fenris but he just ignored him staring back to this mad woman riding an Ogre's back. She removed her daggers, jumping up from its shoulders to allow it to slam itself into the wall. It made a mad grab for her but she drove her blades into its skull with a sick crunch. It screamed as it fell with Hawke swiftly maneuvering herself to its back as it fell. It thudded to the ground and she looked over at the rock cracks like nothing had occurred.

"It's alright to come out now, Sandal… You can just go back the way you came. It's safe now." She was covered in Darkspawn blood, and she was wiping it from her face to clear her eyes.

Sandal clapped. "Pretty lady good." She chuckled at him and then went to move on as the others just stared at her.

"Hawke what in the Maker's name was that about?" They had run to catch up. "Did you become possessed?"

"I really don't like darkspawn… but I loathe Ogres." Fenris figured that was part of her story about fleeing from Ferelden. He made a note to ask her about that, but he was afraid she might snap like she did when she saw that Ogre. "This isn't over though… I don't see Darkspawn up ahead, nor do I hear them… This isn't good."

She was tired, and she held a slight limp as she walked. Fenris came up to her side and put her arm around his shoulder. "You're straining yourself." The look on her face was priceless as she stared shocked at him.

"I could just heal it for her."Anders had come up next to them.

"You need to conserve your mana…" Hawke was protesting his help and Anders' help. She wanted to be the big strong leader but she winced as she tried to pull away. He pulled her closer keeping most of her weight on him.

"We could just rest." Varric interjected.

"This isn't the place for that either. We'll just push on." As their leader said they walked on. They came to a clearing with stairs leading up to a longer hallway and she frowned, pausing in where she stood.

"This isn't good."

"What do you mean, Hawke?" Varric piped up.

"There's a dragon here." Her face had gone pale.

"How can you tell? It looks like an empty space to me." Anders was being a smart-ass and it didn't suit him in Fenris' opinion. She had already told Anders how she was a hunter for the Dalish, and Fenris sure wasn't going to argue with her opinion.

"Remember the Bone Pit? This is the same." She pushed away from Fenris to walk forward into the clearing. "That's why there has been no Darkspawn… the dragon has been feasting on them." Her speech was cut short as a roar was heard and then the flap of wings.

The Earth shook as it landed in front of them. It wasn't a high dragon, but it was a fully grown dragon. It tilted it's head as it looked at Hawke and screeched at her, she stood her ground however as she looked at it.

"Well, I hope you all are prepared for this…"Hawke was smirking at the dragon like some maniac before she charged at it favoring her one leg as she ran up to slash at its stomach. It reared and tried to crush her but she jumped back, she wasn't quick enough the second time as it slashed her with its claws sending her sliding across the floor.

"Hawke!"They seemed to scream in unison.

Anders was keeping it at bay with lightning strikes as Varric peppered it with arrows. It was clawing at the wounds they were giving it as Hawke lay limp on the other side of the room. Fenris was running towards her as the dragon reared its head to look as Hawke as she went to stand. She was on her knees as it went to blast her with fire. Fenris ran forward tackling her out of the way and sliding across the floor with her as the dragon sputtered the last few flames where they once had stood. She was breathing heavily, and she was bleeding from her side where the dragon had made contact with her.

"Just hold on, Hawke." His voice was hard as he saw her blood on his hands. She loo ked at him and smirked though as she stood up, holding her hand to the wound to her side.

"Nothing to worry about." She looked over at Anders and the Varric as the dragon turned its attention to them. "ANDERS." She was screaming across the room at him and he turned those eerily glowing eyes onto her. "Concentrate all your mana into an arrow and shoot for its chest." The dragon didn't know who it wanted. It kept looking back and forth between the two groups and puffing smoke out of its nostrils as Anders started to channel mana into himself.

She tightened her curaiss in an attempt to stop the bleeding as she looked at the beast. "Fenris… Ma'arlath.." and like that she ran forward grabbing her blade from the ground to rush forward at the dragon. He followed after he taking a different path from her to swing around to its other side. The dragon screeched and stood up on its hind legs to blast them with fire but she dug her blade into its thigh making it cry and thrash.

"Anytime now Anders!" Her voice broke through its painful screams and she pulled her blade out and jumped away from it, dancing away from its strikes. Her command made the room turn white though as a beam encased itself in the dragon's chest, ripping it open and spilling it's contents all over the tiled floor. Fenris and Hawke both jumped away as the dragon made its dying thralls, trying to claw at its open chest before it collapsed.

He saw Anders collapse and saw Hawke limp over to him and Varric. He followed sullenly, his head a flurry over what she had said. He felt sick seeing the blood trickle down her pants but he felt sicker at the words she had said. _I love you._ He wanted to say it back but there was tightness in his chest, was he allowed to feel such feelings? Did she truly mean it or was it just something she thought she should say as she rushed to her death. She had thought she was going to die, or else she had so much faith in Anders that she threw her life into his hands. She collapsed next to Anders and winced as she went to grab her side.

Varric was looking at the path ahead, past the dragon's corpse. "That's the path we're going to want to take. It will lead us past the blockade. We should tell Bartrand."

"I'm not going to be able to walk back without Anders healing… and I assume that Fenris won't be able to drag me and Anders back. We'll rest until Anders wakes up.."

Fenris knelt down besides her. "You're going to bleed out before that happens…"She laughed at him. "What's so funny?"

"Your face, you look like I'm already dead." She touched his face lightly with the hand that wasn't covering her side. "Look, I'm going to be fine. I killed an Ogre… I can survive this." He just stared at her, tense as she touched him. It sent shivers down his spine, he was so afraid of being touched but she was so warm. "If you are that worried, go into my pack… there is a healing ointment and some bandages…"

He did as she said, digging through her messy pack. She didn't have anything organized, she was a mess. He brought the bandages back and the lotion and he saw Varric sitting next to Anders as Hawke took her top off slowly. Some of the leather was digging into her cut and she picked it out slowly. Varric looked away and Fenris blushed.

"You boys act like you've never seen a woman's stomach…" She was smirking though she was half wincing when she did so. Her cunning banter was lost beneath her pain as he looked at the deep incision. It was true though, her chest was bound so it wasn't like he was seeing anything scandalous. It was deep and it looked painful.

"I'm seeing more of you than I've ever wanted to see, Hawke." Varric said dryly.

"Oh come on. I'm much prettier than the women at the rose."She laughed brushing him off as she took the ointment from Fenris' hands and poured it on her wound. She gasped a little but dropped the empty vial. "Fenris, please can you tie the bandadges and make it tight."He did as she told and he seemed to take the breath out of her. She bent over slightly to hold her wound. "Well… maybe not that tight.." They sat there in silence for a few as Hawke thought about something. She was sitting there engulfed in whatever was going through her head. "You are going to hate this… but I want the two of you to go back and bring Bartrand here. I'll stay here with Anders. Both of us are in no shape to walk back."

"You have to be mad to think we'd leave you here." Varric was obviously worried,perhaps Hawke had lost too much blood and there was hardly any circulating in her brain.

"I refuse to leave you." Fenris stood her ground crossing his arms over his chest.

"I can still fight.. we've cleared the area.. bring Batrand and the party here. This is an order not a request." She had steeled herself, narrowed her eyes and shut down any smiles or amusing comments. "If Anders wakes up he can heal me, and we don't waste time if you guys hurry."

They both grit their teeth but in the end they had caved. He looked back to see her reaching in her pack to pull out a small vial, she pulled the cork off with her teeth and then poured it's contents down her throat… Varric started talking to him and they passed the time listening to his bawdy jokes as they walked back. It was better than worrying if any Darkspawn had eaten Hawkehe assumed, but only a little better.


	9. Chapter 8: Betrayal

Chapter 8:

It hadn't taken them long to get back to Bartrand, there were a few stragglers of Darkspawn on their way but nothing they couldn't make quick work of. Varric had a large, stupid smile on his face as he approached Bartrand. "Looks like we've found a way around your cave in, Brother! You can run back to her if you want, Broody. I know you're dying to be around her." There was something in the way he looked at her, the way it was some type of quip at him. Fenris growled slightly before turning to walk back to Hawke. He thought he had kept his admiration of her to himself, but I guess it was hard to hide… Merrill had made some comment about "puppy eyes" while they were on the wounded cost once and he had snapped at her. He didn't make "puppy eyes" at anyone, not even Hawke. He had withdrawn into himself though, making it a point to not look at Hawke even when she spoke directly to him. Hawke had seemed hurt when he did that, he was careless of his actions but he had never been so close to someone, told them as much as he did Hawke. It was a trial and error where he just seemed to always err.

He was rushing down the passageways back to her. He didn't want to leave her side, he wished he could have said that out loud but it was enough to feel it he thought. She saw the way she smiled at him, the way her eyes lit up when she caught his glances. She knew, she had to.

His stomach turned as he came upon her though. She was sitting with that abomination's head in her lap, tilting some vial so he could drink it. He saw a blue liquid run out of the corner of his mouth and she laughed to wipe it clean. She was saying something to him and Anders half smiled back at her. He bristled, slowing his pace to walk over with a pace that seemed deliberate in every step. He wished he hadn't come down here.

"I'm sorry I'm intruding on your little moment." His words dripped with venom and a rage that was bubbling up in his chest. She tilted her head to look up at him slowly, her blue eyes holding his gaze in what he thought was a medium between rage and humor. Anders didn't move though, and neither did Hawke except for her attention. Anders found this whole thing funny, he could see it in his eyes, but he didn't dare to speak up.

"He couldn't drink the Lyrium by himself…"

"I should use that line next time then." His insolence was making her angrier, he wondered if she would rip him through like that Ogre. The way her mouth tightened into a line he assumed she was close to it.

"The next time you are incapacitated because you deplete all your energy I will be sure to leave a vial next to you and tell you to drink it like a big boy then." She brushed some strands of her short black hair out of her face before helping Anders to his feet. "You truly understand nothing and I think that is where all your hatred stems from… ignorance."

"Thank you, Hawke… and don't try to teach him. He is too narrow-minded to understand." He leaned on her slightly before straightening himself. Fenris didn't know if he wanted to shout back at Hawke or attack Anders. It seemed like either one was a good option.

She rounded her attention to Anders then. "Don't even start. I am tired of you two bickering all the time. Is there ANYTHING you agree on?" They both gave each other one last long look before turning their attentions elsewhere, knowing it was smarter to not reply to Hawke's question. If they said no, the truth of the matter, she was likely to flay them.

The time until Varric arrived seemed to drag on forever in the awkward silence. Fenris saw that Hawke's bandages were stained with less blood, and that she didn't seem to favor her one foot. It was easy to assume the filthy mages hands had been on her, touching her and saying it was necessary to heal her. He couldn't fault her that though, but he faulted her allowing Anders so close when she didn't need his healing. She seemed to be so weak to his lies and his excuses.

"It seems like your great warrior is broken, Varric."Bartrand had some satisfied expression on his face. She remembered how he hadn't wanted her coming on this expedition, and how he had mocked her when she had said that he needed her.

"It's only a little cut…"She pointed over to the dragon corpse. "I'd like to see you fight that and come out alright."

The exploration group stared in awe as they beheld the dragon, even Bartrand's mouth fell open. "Well I'll be damned. I thought the Ogre was something but this…" He shook his head. "It took you long enough though."

She shrugged it off before walking forward. Dwarf humor was not something she enjoyed, though Varric did have some good ones every now and then. Bartrand and Varric came up on her heels. "Brother this is the path we will want to continue on I'm sure." They all nodded in agreement as they went forward into the cave, coming upon a thaig that seemed abandoned for centuries.

"This is remarkable… I thought we'd just come upon some old noble's thaig… but this.. these were no ordinary dwarves."

"You act like dwarves haven't change."

"Our dwarven culture is mired in tradition. These Dwarves were different from us."

She didn't bother to push the subject, she didn't truly care. She cared about getting out of this hole in the ground and seeing sunlight. She cared about tending to her wounds away from the tainted darkspawn area… she was likely to catch the blight if she got into one more fight with the Darkspawn. They decided to set up camp in the thaig, allowing them shelter and time to search the area for any treasures. She didn't feel like resting just yet, her wounds pained her when she sat just as much as they did when she walked.

"Hawke this way, look what I've found." Varric had that stupid grin on his face, she wanted to grin like that but she saw nothing interesting about this place. The energy was dark, and it seemed to be much older than anything history she had a grasp on. "You won't believe it. It's a statue made completely out of lyrium."

"Well it would make sense… the fact that these caves are mostly lyrium." She held her side as she walked up the steps. She looked back to see Fenris and Anders following Varric and her up the stairs. They still seemed to be in their funk. She couldn't even look at one without the other getting offended. She didn't truly care how Anders felt, but she couldn't hate Anders like Fenris seemed to want.

"Isn't it beautiful? We'll make a fortune off of it." She had to admit it was beautiful. It was so ornate. She didn't even know that someone could carve lyrium this way, but seeing as this place was so old it had to be a lost art. She reached out to touch it and it felt like it reacted to her and she pulled her hand away.

"Yeah… it's something alright." She turned around as she heard the door open. Bartrand was walking towards them and she couldn't help to see how proud Varric was to show his find to his brother.

"Check this out, Bartrand." He threw the statue at Bartrand, which to her didn't seem the smartest move but Bartrand caught it. Bartrand whistled his approval. "This is going to make us a fine penny." Varric was beaming, proud of himself, but all Bartrand did was walk back to the door with the idol. She started to make a run for it, darting past Fenris and Anders as a horrible feeling engulfed her. They watched her run past but it was too late the door slammed shut as soon as Bartrand exited. Varric was racing forward, seeing what happened. He pounded on the door as she tried to search for a way to open it. It had no handle, no way to open it from their side.

"BARTRAND WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Varric was pounding, furious at the betrayal.

"This way I don't have to split it three ways…I'm tired of living in your shadow, Varric."

"You're going to screw me over for an idol?"

The silence was deafening. She turned and started to walk up the stairs to the other side of the room. "There has to be another way out…"

"I can't believe that, bastard… leaving me to die in the deep roads for a stupid idol… but you're right… we have to continue on."

She let the silence linger as they walked forward, glad for some respite from the ever heated debates of Fenris and Anders and the jokes from Varric. She didn't like this place at all. "How long will it take us to get back?"

"The worst case scenario it takes us two weeks…"

"What is the good one then?"

"We trip over Bartrand's corpse on the way out…" She gave a slight chuckle at that before allowing Varric to take the lead out of the Deep Roads.


	10. Chapter 9: Request

Chapter 9:Insanity

The Deep Roads had been hard. The first part seemed like a dream, the second a nightmare. The Dwarves that had once called this place home had been mutated into the profane as they called themselves; rock wraiths filled only with hunger and hatred. She would have allowed the Hunger demon to continue feasting on them if it meant a peaceful walk for her companions, but Fenris was so adamant against consorting with demons. She didn't want to consort with the demon, but it seemed the only option to keep their skin after so many days of wandering. He didn't see her side, he never did. He cut through the demon, setting the profane on them once more. There was no peaceful end with demons she knew, he was right that everything magic touched it ruined… this whole place was ruined by magic and demons. Fenris' attack triggered more than a horde of profane, it triggered a rock wraith larger than a high dragon. Varric had warned them that the Dwarves guarded their treasure, but she hardly figured a mountain that moved would attack them.

The battle had been long and hard, she felt close to collapsing as the final blows were struck. Her blade cut through it's hard to leave it to fall to rubble. Her life was getting out of hand. An Ogre, a dragon, and a rock wraith… who else could say they had slaughtered such foes? Varric was right though. It was a guardian of treasure, more than the idol that Bartrand had taken from them. That was at least the brighter side. The darker side was it took them two weeks more to reach the surface than they would have if Bartrand hadn't of slammed the door on them, and wait awaited her she would have traded for the world.

The Templars had gotten wind of Bethany, without Hawke around they were less wary of grabbing her and shoving her into that prison they called The Circle. Her mother had informed her of this as Hawke lay on her bed. Her mother blamed her as Hawke blamed herself. She had always looked out for Bethany, perhaps it would have been a wiser decision to take Bethany down to the Deep Roads, to keep Bethany at her side but even that seemed wrong. She let her mother prattle as she looked at the ceiling. The treasure in the Deep Roads would allow them to take back the Amell estate. That would satisfy her mother, and Bethany was still close to them it wasn't like they had killed her but to her mother it was like Hawke had taken Carver away all over again. She was always at fault, but she couldn't have looked over her siblings all the time, she was a Hawke but not that type of hawk…

She had been avoiding the others, shutting herself in. They had tried to come see her, all except Fenris. He was probably still fuming over the Hunger demon. She truly understood his hatred, but sometimes it felt like she was lumped in with them for sometimes being a sympathizer to mages. His words said one thing, but the way that he regarded her made her feel another way. He bordered on hating her and lusting her, he was conflicted over her just as she was of him. She still remembered the way he held her after she had hurt her ankle… and the way he shouted her name as she rushed into danger… the way he had almost sacrificed himself to save her from the dragon.

Aveline had finally caught her as she was moving her things into the new estate. Bodhan had decided to repay her by becoming her manservant though she had turned him down profusely. He was adamant, he said that every lady needed one, and she had caved in. It wasn't the worst thing to have more people in this huge house after all, and Sandal did amuse her. Aveline had placed the letter in the box Hawke was carrying as she strolled up next to Hawke.

"I don't truly wish to work…" Hawke's protest came as soon as she saw Aveline move to place something in the box.

"What are you going to do stay inside the rest of your life? Bethany wouldn't want you to sulk about for her sake. She's doing fine in the circle anyways, they say she is an exemplary mage… and anyways this is from the Viscount, you can't ignore him like you have been us."

"I could if I wished to."

"You are too stubborn, Hawke." Aveline looked around the estate as Hawke set the box down. Hawke didn't truly have much that wasn't purchased after obtaining the estate, these were the last few things from her uncle's home. "If you decide to change your mind he will see you as soon as you can make time… I don't know what he wants but it must be urgent if he's begging me to bring you this letter."

Aveline took her leave then, and Hawke sighed. Aveline was right, but she really didn't want to play politics. She just wanted to settle down and remove herself from all this strife; she wanted to make a life here for herself, not to continue to be a mercenary for hire. It seemed everyone knew her price now though.

Her mother had insisted that she dress up to see the Viscount that her armor wasn't appropriate for the Viscount, but she held her ground. She was just a mercenary to these nobles, a lower stationed commoner who was there to work for them so she would go in her armor and with her blades. Her mother made arrangements for her to get fitted for some finer clothes though, now that she was Lade Hawke she had duties to attend to in hightown with other nobles, she needed to be seen with them and to mingle. Hawke didn't truly wish to do that, but she agreed to the dresses as a measure to pacify her mother. She had even let her tie her father's armband around her right arm to show her house pride. The red stood out starkly against her black ensemble but it seemed right.

She set out as soon as the sun came up to pay the Viscount his visit. She had let him wait another day; she was not going to be his lap dog. She was no one's pet and she wouldn't let these nobles think otherwise.

He saw her walking across the courtyard to the Viscount's keep from his window, and he swore that she looked right at him for a second. He wondered why she was going there to all places, maybe to see Aveline to pick up a job but he was unsure of that. He was unsure of her as a whole. He hadn't seen her in what felt like a month, and it left so much to be desired. She had said something in Elven that pervaded every thought of his. If she truly loved him, why would she have willingly allowed that demon to live or so foolishly rushed to her death to fight the dragon? He had at least killed the demon, and she hadn't stopped him but it still bothered him so he had stayed away from her, brooding and drinking with the dwarf and the pirate. Isabella kept harassing him, making dirty comments and touching her when the dwarf looked away. It disgusted him how she threw herself at any man that walked by. She may have been attractive but she wasn't anything that he wanted not when women like Hawke stood before him. Perhaps he should visit her, but he felt it was her obligation to see him… especially after that mess in the Deep Roads with Anders. He didn't even understand why she was so upset over her sister going to the Circle. That's where mages belonged. Varric had tried to explain it but it seemed so foreign to him. He wasn't wired the way Hawke was, and he didn't know if he wanted to be that way. No, he hated the way she was. He hated how sincere and caring she was. He hated how cunning and resourceful she was. He knew deep down that she was just a naïve fool that was selfish. She only wanted her sister by her side; she didn't understand how dangerous even Bethany was. All mages were that way.

He hated most of all how he could hear her voice inside his head. He hated how he could formulate her retort to him, and he hated the way he could see her sad smile as she tried to explain how she felt about mages. She would relate it to slavery, but it wasn't the same. He was sure of that. He had been a slave all his life, he knew what that was like. No one deserved that, these dangerous abominations did though. He bristled, he was arguing with an imaginary Hawke in his mind, that was what she did to him… She made him insane…


	11. Chapter 10: Anniversary

Chapter 10: Anniversary

The only request the Arishok had made to any citizen of Kirkwall was that she come see him. The only diplomat he would accept was a rogue that talked her way out of most fights. The Arishok had said before that the people she worked for diminished her honor, diminished the value of her deeds but it seemed her respected her even if he didn't respect those she worked for. She had her hand in everything it seemed. If she would have known that saving the Viscount's son would have led to her being the only diplomat the Arishok would accept… well she probably wouldn't have gone on that mission. She shook her head. That was wrong to think… she had saved him from those mercenaries who had slaughtered all his companions. She wouldn't of wanted to think what they would have done to the Viscount's son if she hadn't of stopped them. Any wounds could have been said to come from the Qunari that he planned to escape with.

Her argument with the Viscount had lingered longer than she wanted. She had spent the whole day at the keep going over the issue with the Qunari exactly, why she was needed, and why he couldn't use someone else. He had promised to pay her handsomely, but she didn't care about the gold. She was offended at the gold to some end. She was not working her way out of slavery, nor did she need the gold after her expedition but it seemed gold was the only thing to convince people in this city. The point was that she had to do this to keep Kirkwall at peace it seemed and that was worth more than gold to her. She sighed as she saw the sun setting as she left the keep but she didn't dwell on the fact she had wasted her whole day over politics.

She went to turn the corner and almost ran into him. She stopped abruptly and jumped back slightly. "What are you doing here?"

"I felt there were few pleasures greater than speaking with a beautiful woman… so I came to talk to you."

She raised a brow at him. "…and you just happened to know I was here?"

He shrugged. "I saw you go in earlier this morning…I felt you would leave eventually. Anyways come on, it's time to celebrate."

She wasn't in the mood to celebrate; she had hardly ever seen him in the mood to celebrate either. "What are we celebrating?"

He could tell that whatever happened in the keep today hadn't made her the happiest woman. He ignored her sour mood and smiled at her. "The anniversary of my escape." He had trapped her, he knew she wouldn't leave at that. Perhaps she felt he was lonely, but he wasn't truly. He wouldn't want anyone else's company on this night but her. If anything she was too curious to say no to him, he saw how she was questioning him with those cold colored eyes.

The wine was the best she had ever tasted. He seemed to find the best wine, and she was envious that he had such an eye for good wine. She had tried to find good wine for him, but it had paled in comparison to this one. How did she always end up here like this? She always found herself in this chair before his fireplace sharing a bottle of wine with him while they shared tales of their past, her more so than him. She felt like he knew everything about her, that she laid her soul before him to get only tidbits in return. He was engrossing her with tales tonight though, she didn't know if it was the wine or if it was the day, she had to admit the wine was stronger than she had usually had, it crept up on her making her cheeks flushed and her insides warm.

"So your escape was just because they refused to let a slave on the boat that took Danarius from the battle?"

"I wish. That would be a much simpler tale. No what happened was I lived with these renegade Qunari.. the Fog Warriors they called themselves… for awhile. It took Danarius weeks to find me because he was injured from the battle..I respected them, these Qunari.. How free they were with each other and their affections..but Danarius came back. He ordered me to kill them all." She could see him withdraw into himself again, memories of a not too distant past haunting him.

"That must have been terrible.." She frowned, she wanted to reach out and touch him but would her touch be uninvited? Would it be intruding on his solitude. "Why did you do it?"

"It felt inevitable.. My master had returned. A slave does not dream of freedom. You think only of your master's desires. It never occurred to me I could be anything else…I turned on him after that though… I ran and have been running ever since."He leaned back in the chair, looking at her with those piercing eyes. "I have never spoken about this to anyone else."

His stories were heartbreaking to her. She wanted to close the distance between them but her fears of his reaction kept her at bay. She had said those words to him, that she loved him and he hadn't said anything about it. They had let it die, like it was never uttered… but perhaps he didn't understand her… perhaps he didn't know those words in Elvish.

She had a frown on her face plastered the whole night it seemed from his stories. He just wanted to place his lips to hers and erase it, replace it with something better. They had lapsed into silence, he had left her at a loss of words. It surprised him that she was silent.

"It seems like a large burden to carry… not sharing these memories with anyone… keeping them to yourself."

"You are one to talk about that…" He shrugged off what he said. "I didn't think I needed or wanted to tell anyone until now… I didn't think I needed or wanted anyone until now…"

He bridged the gap between her and him, kissing her hard. She responded lightly, tracing her tongue over his lips to have him shudder as she brought her hands up to touch his face. She pulled away to look him in the eyes, she had such kindness in her, did he have that?

"I have never allowed anyone too close.. When my markings were made the pain was extraordinary…"She kissed him lightly wrapping her arms around his neck ever so gently to pull him closer. "With you…. With you it might be different."


	12. Chapter 11: Desires and the Qun

Author Notes: Thank you for those who have favorited this story and have taken the time to read all of my verbose ramblings. This is dedicated to you.

He had her back pressed up against the wall, her legs were entwined around his waist. He couldn't remember how they had ended up like this. He could only remember her hungry kisses and her searching hands as she removed his vambraces letting them just fall to the ground before she pressed herself closer to him. She had wrapped her arms around his neck to run her tongue over his ear and he had nearly lost it. He glowed a dull blow before slamming her against the wall and hiking her up to kiss her desperately. She had moaned his name so faintly that it sent shivers down his spine. He wanted her like no other, and she wanted him back by the way she clung to him.

He remembered how she had pulled back and sighed as she looked at him running her fingers through his hair. "I can't do this tonight…It's already late and I have to go to the Qunari compound tomorrow…"She grabbed his hair hard to pull his head to the side, leaning down to nip at his ear, sliding her tongue over his earlobe because of his previous reaction to it. He shivered to turn his head to the side slightly wanting to kiss her again. "I don't want to leave… but I have to…Can we continue this another time?"

She was pleading with him to leave though her body was saying something out, he had to admit it was funny… He finally held her in his grasp and she was trying to wriggle away because of her commitments to others. She was never going to be fully his, and though that pained him he had to admit it was funny how he wanted so much of her time. The lone wolf being obsessed with a hawk that circled just out of his reach, fluttering dangerously close to him to dart away. She was teasing him, tempting him with every move she made though it seemed to be by accident. It seemed she was just curious to get a good look at him. He laughed. "Sure… why not? Some other time then." He let her slide to the ground, kissing her hard one last time to leave his face close to hers. "You might have to get me drunk again." She smirked before sliding away from him, her fingertips trailing down his arm as she brushed by him.

"That won't be too hard…" His playful Hawke disappeared before him as she turned to look at him a final time in the doorway. "I would prefer if you went with me tomorrow… you know much more about the Qunari than I do…" He couldn't argue with that so he agreed and watched her walk out from his position against the wall.

He lingered at the spot she had been, it still felt warm from her presence, he could still smell her lavender scent in the room. She was worse than the lyrium in his viens. She set his blood on fire more than the lyrium ever had. She eclipsed every thought he had, did he have the same effect on her? He thought he did, the way she had looked at him, the way she could barely stop herself even when she said she had to leave. It was painful to have had her so close, to have felt her lips against his and then to pull away. He was starting to hate her notoriety. Part of him wished they could step away from everything and stay inside, away from the nobles, away from their friends.

He now looked at her back as she led the way up the stairs of the Qunari compound. They didn't even wait for her to say anything to them, they just opened the gates expectantly. Aveline stood on edge, as they walked up the stairs, and Anders bound up the stairs after them. None of them knew exactly what business she was on.

"What do you want now, human?" The Arishok sat on his throne, leaning forward to get a good look at her.

"Well… you requested me so you must have known I would be here eventually." She looked around at the other Qunari around them. She was on edge, what exactly had the Viscount told her? "You mean specific business though… I'm here about the Viscounts son…"

"Are you? In four years, I have made no threat… and fanatics have lined up to hate us simply because we exist. The son has made a choice, you will not deny him that." The Arishok seemed more violent, more on edge than he had been in their previous meetings.

"Is this some ploy to gain political advantage over Kirkwall, or is it merely that you are strengthening your army."It was a question, but she didn't word it like a question. She seemed to have the Arishok figured out. He was not here waiting for a ship… and he sure wasn't peaceful.

"Only a fool would arm his captives as you seem to think they are. This one joined the Qun at a time of peace, his life is in no danger with me. The son isn't here, though, he went to see his Father. I don't see why he would send a letter and you. He is at the Chantry."

She bristoled as Anders spoke up. "The Chantry is involved?" It was a simple question but it reverberated through the air, infecting the atmosphere with the implications it held.

"No but I know who is…" She turned her back to walk away. She had no other information to gather. She knew that the Arishok was the only one who would tell her the truth in this city. He was a leader to be respected, and possibly feared.

"I will not sit blindly and let this slide as I did the last time. I have let them offend me too many times."Fenris started to follow her before looking back at the Arishok. He had stood up with his axe in his hand, he knew the implications. If Hawke didn't fix this there would be battle.

Hawke stopped and stiffened. "I don't plan to let this slide… I will deal with this."

"I will be watching, Hawke."

"You always are, Arishok. I am not ignorant to your movements." The Arishok had smiled at that. It seemed eerie to see him smile but Fenris could see how Hawke had gained the Arishok's respect. If even the Arishok was susceptible to her charms then Fenris had to admit he stood no chance. He hadn't even dreamed of someone speaking the way Hawke did to the Arishok. The first time they had met this man she had turned to him letting him be her words, but now, now she was in her element as she stood before the Qunari leader.

The walk was in mostly silence as she led them to the wounded coast. "Aren't you going to go to the Chantry, Hawke?" Aveline felt this issue needed to be resolved right away but Hawke was trying to ignore it.

"Aveline, I sent word to the Viscount about this… it isn't my place to barge into the Chantry and reclaim his son. I need to wait until he tells me what he wishes to do or sends for me… I wish I could squeeze the life out of Patrice with my own hands but I can't. Do tell me why I became a noble? I much liked it better when I had no political tape holding me up." None of them could tell if she was joking or not, she had that characterized smirk on her face but there was something darker in her eyes and appearance. She looked unnerved, shaken from her meeting with the Arishok.

"I hardly see him being able to get in touch with you as you are wandering on the outskirts of town… and why you became a noble.. I think it was for the view from that estate wasn't it?"Aveline making jokes, it had to be bad if Aveline felt the need for humor.

Hawke smirked. "That's the point…" She waved her hand dismissing Aveline. "I am not ignoring my duties however as you would have it look… I put in an order for a blade from the Dalish, it is time for me to go pick it up. You don't truly have to follow me to go pick up my sword…but some air would do you good. You are too much in the barracks."

Aveline didn't seem pleased with that but Hawke continued walking, ignoring her friend's anger towards what Aveline deemed carelessness but she didn't leave Hawke so Fenris assumed Aveline wasn't too angry. He didn't understand women but their talk left him walking next to Anders as they seemed to be getting out of their earshot on purpose. Anders seemed to be just waiting for the perfect moment to say something to him and Hawke and Aveline's chatter gave him the perfect chance.

"You aren't worth her time, you know." He said it so nonchalantly as his eyes stared forward at Hawke.

"And you are, Abomination?" Fenris growled, how dare Anders pry into his personal life or Hawke's personal life for that matter.

"Simply put, yes." Fenris didn't like the smug smile on his face, but he had to oddly jealous of his confidence that he was what Hawke wanted. Fenris didn't talk about it anymore, he felt odd that Anders and the others looked so much into their relationship. Perhaps Anders was just stating that to what he felt was competition. The rest of the way to the Dalish camp they walked in silence as Aveline and Hawke discussed how to handle the Qunari problem, it was all that engulfed Aveline right now. He thought he heard her talking about a serial killer, but he doubted he had heard that right. Kirkwall had its share of problems but he had never heard of a serial killer in Kirkwall. But then he heard Hawke say she would look into it after she had spoken with the Viscount.

It seemed to pass so normally, Anders and Fenris in angry silence with each other and Aveline and Hawke talking about the guard shifts and Aveline's husband. Hawke never said a word about her love life, she always deflected the question back to Aveline. Perhaps she was doing that for him, or perhaps she thought it would be awkward for her friends to know of their romance. Could it even be called a romance? It was just tension between them and desire. Their respite to the outskirts of Kirkwall were shattered though as shouts filled the air. Aveline, Fenris and Anders all got into defensive postures but Hawke merely looked up at the culprit.

"Return the magistrate's property and none of you will be hurt."

"Do you mean this elf here? Because I don't believe Fenris is anyone's property. I could be mistake though." She looked casually back at Fenris. "Are you anyone's property?"

Fenris growled. He could feel his face heating up. How could she make light of the situation? These were slavers come to take him back to his master. "No. I am not a slave."

"Well you heard it boys. Time to pack up and leave." He thought Hawke had come to get a blade, but truly she had come out to the coast looking for a fight. It all made sense now, the way she joked, the way she stood so calmly. She was trying to pull them in, taunting them as she stood there so confident. It seemed to work as well as the slavers rushed at them, their leader full of anger and the hope of bringing back Fenris to earn his weight in gold.

She was on them in the time it took him to process the scene fully. She didn't even pull her blades, she just round-house kicked the leader. The leader was knocked to the ground with all of the air taken out of his lungs. Fenris' blade clashed with one of the slavers as Anders sent a fireball raining down on fire in the back. Aveline was at his side as they fought them off back to back. Hawke seemed to be laughing, he could hear it ring through the air like bells, and he glanced over for a moment to see her kick the man's sword away to place her foot on his chest. She was toying with him, it was sadistic to watch but he understood why, she was taking out all of the frustration on this man, and he deserved it, all slavers did. He felt a pain in his arm as he turned his attention back to his opponent, his glance over had dropped his sword too low and his opponent cut into his arm. He winced backing off to drive his great sword across the man's gut. The man fell clumsily, and died nosily. It wasn't a clean death but he looked at Hawke playing with her catch. She wasn't though, she was keeping the man down and looking over at him. What exactly did she want? He took down another slaver, but Anders had destroyed more than he had, Aveline was tied with him in the end as they looked at the poor, little slaver group decimated.

They started to walk over to her, Fenris holding the gash in his arm. She was smirking at them and her conquest. "I thought you guys would have finished them sooner… and look Fenris cut himself." She tsked at them before looking down at the slaver. "He has some interesting information for you, Fenris… He said he would do anything I wished if I didn't kill him. Isn't that right?" The slaver nodded his head, and went to speak but she placed her boot over his mouth. "Shh… I didn't give you permission to talk."

Fenris narrowed his eyes, and the others looked at him cautiously. "What exactly did he say?"

"Something about a woman named Hadriana?" The slaver nodded her boot still over his mouth. Fenris could feel the anger rising in him, wanting to engulf him. Hadriana, the one who had tortured him all those years, denied his food. She was here, right before him. "…and he said he would take us to her… She's in some cave."

"I know which one… I don't need this man." She stepped back from the leader, putting herself between him and his blade that lay in the dirt.

"Then I guess you get to go."

"No." He had come up behind her in an instant, piercing the man's chest with his own blade before Hawke had a moment to disagree with him. He could feel Anders hatred at his back, and Aveline's judgement. "He chose the wrong master." He saw Hawke staring at him inquisitively, trying to figure out how he was reacting.. It was like she had seen this coming. He wanted to say how he needed their help, how he needed her help to get this knife from his back, but it was hard admitting he couldn't face Hadriana by himself, he so wished he could do it without Hawke's eyes at his back. He felt like he was disappointing her by holding this rage in, but he couldn't let it go. He swallowed the lump in his throat to stare at the man he had killed.

She didn't say anything, none of them did. All she did was take the red armband with her family's shield off of her own arm to tie it around his gash in an attempt to stop the bleeding. "I will go. I cannot say the same for Aveline and Anders."

Anders was frowning. "I do not approve of this… but I go where you go, Hawke. I will not leave you with this wild dog." If Fenris could say anything, he didn't approve of Anders coming either. It was a mutual feeling but he needed the mage for once. They both looked at Aveline to see her arm's crossed over her chest.

"I will go if you tell me the truth… there wasn't a blade was there, Hawke?" Hawke gave a slight chuckle, she seemed to be satisfied with herself for keeping this from them. The talk about needing to go to the Qunari compound early the night before was because she had planned to confront the slavers.

"You wound me, Aveline… There is a blade, but I do not need to get it today. The Viscount had told me about slavers in the area, it was my price for helping him with the Qunari today." That seemed enough of an answer for Aveline. They had to admit she was cunning. Sometimes it was hard to remember, the way she seemed to walk into situations without realizing, but she had known what she was doing every step of the way so far. She could see the situations and she had been trying to plan out the best course of action this whole time, for all of them. "Now if you are done grilling me, Aveline then you could lead on Fenris."


	13. Chapter 12: It was Fine

Chapter 12: It was Fine

He had wanted to spare her life but he couldn't. Hawke had watched as he had defied her decision, as he had reached his hand inside of her chest and ripped her heart out even though she begged. Hawke just stood there with some look between regret and disappointment as he looked at her. He had run from the raven haired woman that was covered in the blood of slavers she had fought off to get him to Hadriana. He had run from them all, left them in the cave to disappear back into the city.

"I had wished for it to end a better way, but I do not fault him for what he did. I think if I was him I would have done the same thing." She was wiping the blood from her face by using her sleeve. Aveline and Anders hadn't said anything for most of the way home and she felt the need to talk. She had set this up, and it had ended up completely ruined. She had planned to sent Hadriana back to Danarius with fear in her eyes, with the knowledge that Fenris wasn't by himself but it hadn't turned out that way, it had turned out bloody.

"You thought he would see this woman that had tortured him for years and he would let her go? I don't even fault him that, it's the fact he yelled at you when you tried to talk to him." Aveline was angry with her, that wasn't hard to tell. Anders was angry too, but he seemed pleased. Anders urked her in general. Anders was only pleased with her when she was saving a mage's life, or when Fenris wasn't around her. She couldn't please him all the time, so now there was just mostly silence between them. Anders had learned to not offer his opinion up, he had done that once and he had been put into his place. He had told Hawke that Fenris was a wild beast, and what could she see in him? She had slapped him hard, leaving a red mark on his face and she had turned and left. He had audacity to him, but it was not the kind she wanted. She would rather get rabies than be devoured by Vengeance like Anders was.

"No. I can't say that I thought he would let her go… but I felt I could convince him otherwise. You know how persuasive I am." She was trying to make light of the situation, but she felt she could talk him down. He was too engulfed by his rage to see anything else though. "So long as it puts him at peace though.. and who here hasn't yelled at me? If I remember correctly, Aveline you called me some very lewd names that one time I forced you on Donnic."

"He killed a woman, Hawke… and you deserved those names."She bit her lip, keeping her retort back. She wasn't going to say out-loud that Aveline had killed someone to put them at peace, there was no difference between these instances.

"I don't think one of us here hasn't killed to put someone at peace… what would be the difference if we killed someone to ease our own burden?" She shrugged.

"Where do you think he ran off to is what I'm curious about?" Anders seemed much too smug to actually care where Fenris went. "Maybe he's gone for good."

"…and I am sure no tears would be shed on your part, Anders." She had to laugh to keep from crying, the thought that he was alone, or the idea that he had left for good had started to eat at her on the long walk home but she wouldn't let her friends see it.

They had all went their separate ways as they entered the city. Anders had wanted her to come back to his clinic and have dinner with him but she swore she had to go see her mother before her mother sent the guard out searching for her. She could see her rejection hurt, but she had rejected him so many times. What did he see in her that kept him at her doorstep? Was it just the fact she didn't show her affection to anyone else openly? It wasn't in her nature though; she didn't feel it was at least to be so openly affectionate. She had hidden behind this cold, cunning wall for so many years. It was all since her father died and she had to take the burdens of the house upon herself. Her mother had been so engulfed in sorrow that she had all but forgotten about the three of them. She had followed Carver off to fight the darkspawn at Ostagar because she couldn't leave him by himself, she had given Bethany their mother to take care of and perhaps that's why her mother was so angry with her. She had always left the family, but that time it was to protect Carver… that hadn't worked out for long though… She had dragged his unconscious body away from the fighting to safety to only see him dashed against the rocks repeatedly by an Ogre.

She winced at the memory to go to Hightown. She had at least been forthcoming with Anders in the general direction she was going in the least. She had stopped by Fenris' house and found it empty, but she didn't feel he had left town. Perhaps he was wandering the Wounded Coast still, fighting off his rage against spiders. She wondered if any of her decisions had been good ones as she thought of him wandering the coast alone in the dark. Fenris wasn't a child though, he could more than handle himself as all the others could without her. She didn't understand why they followed her, maybe it was because she was just such a great drinking companion.

It was an hour before she had made her way home. She had been wandering the streets of Hightown, slightly searching and slightly doing it to clear her mind. She didn't want to go home and see her mother tonight anyways, she would be searching, prying, wondering what Hawke had been doing all day and she didn't feel like saying she had let one of her companions down, or that she had walked into a slaver's trap. The house was asleep though, not a sound was made except for the cracking protests of the last ember's of the main room's fireplace refusing to disappear. Sometimes felt foreign though as she was entering the main room.

A shadow crossed behind her and she turned quickly but it was gone. She turned back and Fenris was in front of her, his face so close to hers. "I am sorry… I took my anger out on you…undeservedly so. I was not myself."

She backed up trapped as she felt her back press against the wall. "I had no idea where you went… I was concerned."

He closed the distance between them. "I needed to be alone. Hadriana was a torment. She would ridicule me, deny my meals, hound my sleep… because of her status I was powerless to respond and she knew it… the thought of her slipping out of my grasp.. I wanted to let her go but I couldn't."

"What do you mean?" She wanted to reach out and touch him but she wanted him to continue talking more, it was a rare instance that he walked into her house to bare his soul to her.

"This hate…"He grit his teeth, it seemed to pain him to pull his feelings forth to her. "I thought I had gotten away from it but it dogs me wherever I go." His breath was again her neck as he buried his head against the nap of her neck. "To feel it again, to know it was they who put it inside me.. it is too much to bear." He pulled away slightly, the intimacy of his closeness shattered. "I didn't come to burden you further though… I have been thinking of you, in fact I have been able to think of little else from that night. If you want me to go…"

She reached out, kissing him desperately. She didn't need to say such foolish words to him like stay, or don't leave. It wasn't necessary to say such words. She wanted to say something like it wasn't appropriate now, that her mother was asleep upstairs, and that Bodhan and Sandal were in the other room but such things seemed so insignificant. She had wanted this since she had first laid her eyes on him, though his anti-mage rant had turned her off. She had spent so long with him, so many years he was always at her side, always saving her from enemies that had her surrounded. Even now, he smelled like he had just come out of a fight. He smelt like the outside, of sandalwood wood and pine. He smelled of salt and dirt.

He had picked her up like the last time and responded instinctually to wrap her legs around his waist. It felt like their lips never left each other as he carried her up to her room. She wanted to tell him to be quiet but it seemed to stop in her throat as he kissed down it. As he walked her through the door he let her slide off of him. She sighed as she walked to close the door, turning to look at him as he sat on her bed.

He was drinking her in with his eyes as she turned to shut the door, seeing through her clothes trying to guess what she looked like under those layers of that tight black cat suit she called her fighting attire. How many times he had wanted to rip it off of her after she was drenched in the blood of her foes, when she had that mad look in her eyes of bloodlust. She walked towards him slowly, slipping out of her boots to stand over him. He looked into her eyes as she started to take off his vambraces, her fingers lightly tracing the lyrium in his veins. It didn't hurt, it just sent shivers through his spine. He had never allowed anyone so close, but this impossible woman. She tossed them aside to run her hands up his side then to unlatch his chestplate, tossing that into the pile she had formed with his vambraces. She leaned forward, nuzzling his neck as he turned her head to his, closing his eyes as she pushed him back onto the bed. She ran her tongue over his lips lightly to stare down as she pulled away to look down at him, her hair falling into her face messily. She was teasing and she could see the effects as he opened his eyes to stare up at her. He looked at her pleadingly as she ran her hand down his neck to pull away from him. She was driving him insane as she stood up to undo the latches on her clothing slowly as he sat up on his elbows to watch her. She could see him getting hard as she bit her lower lip to slide her shirt off slowly. She turned away to take her pants off slowly as well, bending down to get them completely off her legs.

As she stood up she could feel him behind her, pressing himself to her bare skin as he traced his fingers over the lace of her lower small clothes. His hands grabbed her hips to pull her back against his hardness as he nipped at her earlobe. She arched her back, gasping softly as she looked at him from the corner of her eye. She could feel his hot breath in her ear as he ran his tongue down her earlobe. "I didn't think you were such a minx, Hawke…" He picked her up to toss her on the bed. She landed with a thud to get up on her knees to look at him as he stood at the end of her bed. "Lace? I always saw you as a leather girl…"

She was pouting as he started to take his shirt off. "I mean if you don't like it… I can just take it off." She stared at him as he had just stared at her, taking his body in as he had drank hers in. She had moved forward to wrap her arms around his neck kissing him fully.

"Well now… we don't want to rush it…"He tensed up as she pressed her chest against his to run her fingertips down his back. She was staring at him with a coy smirk on her lips as she ran her fingertips over the hem of his pants.

"Oh no… we'll take everything slow.. We have to savor it." She bit her lower lip as she slid her hand down his pants. He gasped when she took him in her hand to move her hand up and down him slowly. He hadn't expected her to do that. He leaned forward, kissing her hard as she continued to rub his hardness. She didn't stop as she kissed her way down his neck, down his chest… He breathed in sharply, moaning slightly as she stopped touching him to pull his pants down. She gave him one lingering look before smirking to lick him. He tightened to look at her shocked, she laughed for a second before taking him in her mouth to suck at him slowly. He moaned as he felt her mouth on him to grab the bedpost. She was torturing him with her slow pace as she took him all the way. He arched his back, to moan again as she licked his tip to slide back away from him after a few minutes. He was on top of her, pressing his hardness against her thigh as he kissed her desperately. She moved her leg behind his again as he slid his fingers under her small clothes to run his fingers over her. She bit his lower lip when he did that to kiss him hard as he slid his fingers in. He slid his fingers in and out slowly to use his thumb to rub at her clit. She writhed under her slightly, moaning at him as he continued. He smirked, enjoying her movements as she felt her legs wrap around him slightly.

"How does it feel to be tormented, Hawke?" She gasped at him as he left his fingers in to look at her. "Maybe we should stop tonight… I'd hate to keep you up." He was smirked at her, leaving his face mere inches from hers.

"No..please, Fenris…"She arched her back, pressing herself against him more. He could feel how moist and hot she was but he didn't think she would beg. He wanted to hear it though. He wanted to hear her say it.

"Please what, Hawke?" He rubbed her clit again leaving his fingers inside of her. "Please let me go to sleep… or… please turn lock the door when you leave…" She was staring at him biting her lower lip again like she did when she was nervous.

"Please fuck me." She grabbed his hips, digging her nails into his skin. She leaned up to nip his earlobe, leaving her teeth there to slowly enunciate the next few words. "Fuck me hard."

He obliged her, sliding her small clothes off to press himself against her entrance. He stared at her. "Hawke… Ma'arlath." He saw the surprise in her face as he said that. He kissed her as he slid slowly into her. She had moaned his name as he did so, arching her back to press herself more against him, sliding her hips to press against his more as she grabbed at his back. She was so tight and warm and inviting. Even his dreams of her hadn't compared to this.

With every thrust he went deeper and harder until she was screaming his name as he found himself moaning hers. He could feel her tense as she climaxed, and he could feel himself spill his seed as her nails dug into his back. He collapsed slightly, leaning his forehead on her chest. He was panting as she was trying to collect her breath. Her hands slid off of him but her head still raced, her pulse pounded against his skin. He slid out of her to lay at her side while she automatically seemed to roll over to entwine herself around him as his arms laid around her. They didn't need to say anything else to each other, they just fell asleep…


	14. Chapter 13: Memories

Chapter 13: Memories:

He had always been a pet wolf, domesticated and chained to be kept at his master's side. Danarius had even gone so far as to call him his little wolf, that's what Fenris meant. Whatever name he had before it was replaced with a pet name. His domestication had taken away his memories, he had lost everything before then and how much he had always wished to have those memories back. He had always said that he didn't care if they were bad memories, or sad memories, he just wanted them. These thoughts and desires he had always kept to himself, locked away beneath that brooding demeanor as Varric had called it. It was not that he was a dark individual; it was that his mind always raced trying to remember the bits and pieces that he had forgotten. Hawke had seen past that, seen his happier sides as they had talked over drinks and she had seen his darker sides, she had pried with her talons and he felt naked around her at all times. Her icy eyes seemed to stare straight through him, straight through his brooding, straight through every action he took.

And now here he was, sweating in her bed, naked next to her as his memories washed over him. It was a glimpse of everything, a painful and bitter taste of what he had always wanted. He dressed quickly, distressed by all of it. It was traumatizing. He wanted to run from it all, from everything, even from Hawke, this woman who had given him everything he wanted and nothing at the same time. She was as cruel as she was lovely. She seemed almost innocent as she lay there, but he hated her all the same for how she was. If he had told her everything, she would want to wrap him in her arms and coddle him, tell him that everything was alright. He didn't want to stay and hear her say those things; he would cave and forget all his hatred that was over him, all his fear and he needed to keep this inside of him. He wanted to remember all this, everything that had been taken away from him, and he wanted to use it to kill Danarius, but it was slipping away from him and he couldn't bear it.

He leaned on the fireplace for support, he owed her a goodbye. He had made up his mind to leave, to get rid of this hatred. Hawke didn't deserve a man so devoured by these things, he had always known she deserved better… but he had fooled himself. He saw the way she smiled at him, the way she had always glanced at him, the way her eyes lingered in the same way his did. She loved him, as he loved her but her love… her love deserved a heart not so corrupted as his was. He had been watching her sleep as his thoughts raced, trying to retrace the steps to his memories. She slumbered so peacefully, and he hated her for that as well, while he stood here and ate at himself trying to retrieve what she had briefly opened for him. She stirred slightly, rolling over to feel the spot where he had once laid. He wanted so badly to be there, to feel her touch again but he couldn't, he had to steel himself or else he would falter. He saw her panic for a moment, her hand patting to feel nothing for her eyes to look around sharply. Her eyes rested on him, those cold eyes gauged him as he stood there dressed while she lay there with only covers on her pale skin. She had already seen his decision; she needed no words from him.

"Was it that bad?" She sat up slowly, allowing her words a deliberateness to them. They hung in the air, weighted and heavy upon his heart. He wanted to come to her, to wrap her in his arms. She hid behind that joking shield of hers, but he could see the pain in those eyes.

"No it was fine…"He was pacing, he didn't understand why, but it was as if his legs were moving all on their own. His body seemed separate from his mind. His mind was separate from his heart. His heart, that was isolated. "No.. . not it was more than that… it was wonderful, everything I had ever dreamed of. It's just I can't… this was much too soon." He felt he was going to crack if he looked at her, he felt like he was going to be destroyed if he caught her gaze and saw her eyes milky with tears. "I remembered everything… I saw all my memories I had forgotten in a flash and now I can't retrieve them." He was rambling like Merrill and her silence hurt him. He felt a fool, no, he was a fool. He was a fool to walk away from this woman but he had to.

"I could help you. We could work through this together."She was begging, but it didn't sound like it. It just sounded like she was stating a fact to him.

"No… I just, I need time." He walked out, running before he could break. He felt his heart breaking, and he couldn't look at her. Why was he such a fool? He wanted to be selfish, to take all her time, to be the one who was hers but it was selfish and he couldn't do that to her. She deserved better, maybe he would fix everything and come back… but that was a foolish thing.


	15. Chapter 14: Time

Author Note: Thank you for the wonderful reviews and the favorites. : ) I would love more input. The time frame for the next couple chapters is between Act 2 and 3 in that mysterious time frame.

Time was an odd thing, a very odd thing. At moments it seemed like it stood still, and others she couldn't even comprehend the movement of time as it rushed by her. It had been a year since Fenris had left, a year since that night and she could remember it like it was yesterday. She remembered the passion, how much it had seemed perfect to her, everything she had wanted. It was as if all their tension had built up and spilled over because of those slavers, because of Hadriana and she didn't regret that. She did regret the pain she seemed to have given him. She had awoken and wondered if her touch had bothered the lyrium in his veins, but it wasn't that at all, no it was something much deeper than anything she could touch. She had glimpsed at the surface of his memories many times, in the way he spoke about certain things, or the way his eyes lingered on items that shouldn't mean anything to a freed Tevinter slave. His hatred of the alienages itself stemmed from his subconscious, or so the books on the mind seemed to tell her. She had too much time on her hands, and she was devouring the books in her library because of it. Everything she did reminded her of him though, no matter what she was haunted by the elf that had stolen her heart and fled off into the night, ignoring her cries that she could help him. He was truly the only person that had ever refused her help.

The Champion of Kirkwall was a horrible title to have as she thought on it. It meant she was just a puppet for the nobles. She had no true power, she was just a symbol for them to use to their benefit in whatever disputes she had. She couldn't help others like she had used to. She wanted to help the mages but if she did anything openly it risked Bethany's life. She had become two separate entities. She was Lady Hawke to the nobles, a woman who had grown her hair out and wore elegant clothing to all of the elegant events, and then she was the Champion of Kirkwall. She wore her old assassin's clothes with her hood drawn up and she continued to keep the streets clean as she had before but even then people noticed her and fled until she wasn't around. She sounded like some kind of hero, but she wasn't. She had grown too cold and hard for that, the more years that passed the more she withdrew into herself to hide behind these names. Was there even just a Hawke anymore? Her friends called her Hawke still, just that one word… but she wasn't the same person they had followed. She was cruel and calculating now. She wanted nothing more than to throw Meredith off of the Viscount's seat and rule herself. She wanted to overthrow all this hatred in this city. She wanted a peace that would never come, and she was deluding herself thinking that she could bring it to the city if she sat on the throne. She didn't even want that, she just wanted one title instead of these multitude that surrounded her now. She wished she had never come to combat with the Arishok, she wished she could have ended that peacefully. She wished her mother had never of had to die because she wasn't clever enough to catch that man before he… She sighed, closing her eyes as Orana tightened her curls. It was not good to dwell on these things.

"Lady Hawke if you do not sit still I will never be able to fix your hair correctly…" Hawke had laughed at that. She truly didn't want to go tonight, and it pained her to sit here and be dolled up like she was a child's toy. She didn't dislike Orana for this, it was just that it reminded her so much of her mother fussing over her. Her mother had been the one before she died to do her hair and her makeup… to help her get stuffed into all those dresses her mother had bought her when she had allowed her the option of getting her womanly gowns.

"I am sorry, I truly am… You are an angel to be patient enough to help me look presentable… and Hawke is my name. You can call me just Hawke." She had said this to the girl thousands of times, just Hawke. Not Serah Hawke, or Mistress Hawke, or Messera, or anything… she was just Hawke here. She didn't blame the girl though; she had turned up on her doorstep a few days after Fenris had left. She remembered the girl from the caves, she was alone, and she needed help so she took her in kindly. She gave her work and plenty to live off of. She barely gave her work actually, Orana was just there to help her look a Queen on night's like this, and to keep her company on the nights she would have spent with Fenris, talking. Orana wasn't as good of a talker though, slavery had left her something of a pretty shell. She was sweet and said all the right things, but it seemed like a script but it was at least better than Bodhan who had more secrets than he did whiskers.

She had for the most part shut herself off to the world after her mother's death and that is the true reason why she relied on the elf girl so much. She never had to leave the house because of Orana and Bodhan, they brought the food she needed, and therefore she was allowed to wallow in her despair. Her friends had tried to no avail to shake her from this isolation, and the letters that piled on her desk asking for requests had the same effect. She had only stirred at the rousing of the Arishok, and that was all Isabella's fault. Isabella had turned on her, and because of that she had to kill the Arishok as there was no appeasement but the item Isabella had knocked her out for and run off. After she had killed the Arishok she was something to be paraded around, a hero but a broken one. She had started to sneak out to the Hanged man, but even then it was something she felt forced to do. It was something she hated to do as she could still remember the pools of blood and where exactly they were placed. The Hanged Man seemed drab now to her without Isabella, and being there reminded her of that wretch. She had never been betrayed before and it still burned her blood. It felt like all she knew was sorrow and hate. She hated the nobles that surrounded her, and she was filled with sorrow over those she lost. Anders had fed off of this hate and sorrow. He had been the one who had pushed past Bodhan though he held the command that no one was to see her. He had been the one who she had sobbed to until she felt she couldn't shed another tear if she wanted to. She had never allowed another to see her cry except Bethany, she would rather have had Bethany than Anders but that was impossible. She remembered collapsing in his arms and begging him not to leave her, she didn't want to be alone in this huge house… He knew her weaknesses and that was how he had come to be the only one she allowed past her cold demeanor now, though even he was not let in like Fenris had been. The woman Fenris had left was seemed to be buried beneath layers of stone. It was even now Anders who waited downstairs for her to take her to another event thrown by a noble whose name escaped her.

It had been a year, a whole year. A whole year and there had been no progress. He just felt more hateful and more alone than ever. He had such a good thing going in Kirkwall, he could have stayed there and made a life like Hawke had told him to. It seemed too idealistic, it wouldn't be that easy, he needed to get rid of Danarius, he needed to rid himself of Danarius if he wanted a life. Perhaps Hawke was okay with protecting him, but it shouldn't be that way. He should be protecting her, shielding her. He had made that promise to her, that he would protect her but now what was he doing? He had told himself weeks ago he was going to return and beg her forgiveness but all he had done was aimlessly wandering the wounded coast. He finally got the nerve to return to the city and he stood outside of her door like some stray. He knocked and Bodhan had answered, chatting amicably.

"Lady Hawke is upstairs getting ready but Anders is down in the main room. I am sure she will be down shortly, they are set to leave soon. Did you enjoy your time away? Lady Hawke won't truly talk about it."

There was a lot in what Bodhan said that Fenris had to process. Anders was downstairs waiting for Hawke. Hawke was now being called Lady Hawke... Hawke was refusing to talk about him. He narrowed his eyes, he was even more of a fool to come back here to her, she obviously had replaced him with Anders. "It was fine, Bodhan."

"Well that is good. Everyone needs a vacation."

Fenris felt like attacking Anders when he came into view. Anders had his back to Fenris and hadn't noticed he had come in. He was staring up at the balcony expectantly for Hawke to emerge he assumed. He hated Anders, how he seemed to have cleaned up for Hawke. How he stood there in a nice dress robe that Hawke had probably bought for him. He hated Anders more and more every time he was around the abomination.

"So what is the occasion?" Anders seemed to jump slightly before looking at him. The look Anders had was something between hatred and a slight smugness. Maybe that was how people looked when they saw a ghost.

"She has a party to go to so she invited me as her guest like she usually does." Fenris felt like Anders was heaping more onto it than there was to be said but he didn't really question it. He had been gone for a year, what did he know? Maybe he had been wrong all along and Hawke had loved Anders since she first met him. Hawke had known Anders longer than she had known him after all. "So why did you come back, elf? There really isn't anything here for you."

He had to admit it seemed true that nothing was left for him here, but even if Hawke didn't need him nor want him he needed her. "I have that mansion if you don't remember… I also was quite partial to the others."

Anders snorted. "Whatever you say." Anders had turned away from him, back to the position he was originally in but now with his arms crossed over his chest. What exactly was Fenris here for anyways? It was obvious that Hawke had moved on. Maybe he just wanted to see her one last time.

He heard fussing upstairs as the door opened. Some woman, whose voice he didn't recognize, was telling Hawke that she wasn't done, and then he heard her laughter. It seemed to have less of a ring to it, it seemed much colder. "I do not want to wear that. You'll have me getting robbed. How about you keep those? I do not even like them that much."

"I can't take these… they are like… three month's wages."

"Well then call it a bonus." He saw her emerge at the balcony and he didn't expect what he saw at all. She had grown that raven black hair out so that it spilled down to her shoulder blades in soft curls with part of it braided back away from her face. Her lips held the same shade of red of the tight dress she wore. The bodice enhanced womanly assets while the dress' bottom flowed to accentuate her curves. She looked like a flame flickering above him, a fragile flame dancing just out of his reach. He remembered how every inch of her milky skin had looked, how she seemed like such a smaller person under him than she was on the battlefield. It struck him once more how he forgot how feminine she was when she wasn't leading him from job to job. Even when she wore her assassin's gear, the way it seemed like just a thin layer of clothing held taunt over her, he forgot. She was a different person then, she was a leader… now… now she was this Lady Hawke Bodhan had said was getting ready. She did not smile at Anders, she merely took him in before coming down the stairs. There was coldness in her eyes as she looked at Anders as he smiled up at her. A weak smile was playing on her rogue lips, a response to his smile but not the warm smiles she used to give. He couldn't understand why she was so cold, was he wrong in his assumption that there was something between them or was this something else? It was then Hawke turned her attention to him and that smile seemed to stay plastered onto her face.

"I didn't expect you here today, or I would have put off my plans for the night to welcome you back. Did you find everything you were looking for?" She came to stand next to Anders and that pained him. He seemed to have guessed right that Anders was his replacement. Her eyes didn't linger on Fenris' face though as they once had, they looked to his arm where her red sash with her crest on it rested around his arm. He felt flushed as she saw that, like it had been a mistake to cherish it. It seemed a weakness before this cold woman clad in red. He was wrong to say she looked like a flame; she looked more like a pale statue clad in flowing silks that just showed her hardness more.

"No." He said it abruptly and surely, he said it as hard as the woman before him. "I should have informed you I was coming. Have fun tonight, Lady Hawke." He seemed to spit the last words. She was mocking him with the way she stood there, with her question. He saw straight through her, she was rubbing salt in his wounds and why shouldn't she? He had left and hadn't told her he would return, he truly didn't expect to so why was he angry? He didn't know what he expected, maybe for her to fly into his arms… but even that was a dream. Hawke had never been one to land on someone's shoulder and coo into their ear, she just constantly circled nearby waiting. Fenris had nipped at her too much with her teeth bared to have expected her to be waiting for him, here, alone. He needed a drink.


	16. Chapter 15: Feral Beast

"Don't you see that he is a feral beast now? I kept telling you but now you see. You were being civil, so what was that about?" She shrugged at him as she linked her arm around his, she wasn't being civil. Anders didn't see through her ploys or plots, he didn't see the way that she wrapped the nobles around her fingers by playing to them. Anders always thought she was just being nice but she wasn't nice. She had been playing the girl that Anders wanted, she wasn't truly what he wanted. She helped the mages yes, that is what he truly loved her for. He saw her as an advocate, and at one time she would have considered herself that, yes but now she was doing purely out of spite. She did it out of spite to the templars, out of spite to Meredith, but her favorite was out of spite to Fenris. None of these three saw the things she did, but knowing she did it was enough… well none of them lived long enough to tell. She let the weak ones live, but the strong ones she took the most pleasure in killing all in the supposed name of freedom for mages.

"I would not call him a feral beast, and I am not afraid of him snarling at me... as to what that was about you can ask him later, he will be at the Hanged Man all night."She was growing impatient with Anders, how oblivious he was.

"How do you know that? And I am not going there if he will be."

"Because I know Fenris... he may like to seem like he loves his solitude but he truly doesn't… and I am fine with that." Anders had taken that as some victory, that she wouldn't go the Hanged Man tonight but she truly meant she was fine without Anders tagging along. He would find out later than sooner she was sure, as he would try to climb into bed with her for her to change and walk out like she did most nights. She had been satisfied with him as a partner, and it was a pleasure to not wake up along in the middle of the night, but Anders had never been the man for her. He was far too possessive, and she swore sometimes she was looking into Vengeance's eyes on the nights she had made him angry before they made love. She knew Vengeance hated her, Anders had told her that before. She was a distraction. She scoffed at that memory. "We need to leave, I like to arrive fashionably late but this is late even for me."

She did look forward to the Hanged Man more than brushing shoulders with the nobles of Hightown , more than she would have drinking their expensive alcohol to show off and seem better than their peers. Strength meant nothing in the world she was in, and she was more cunning than the best of these nobles. The Viscount had said to her she was a woman meant to a station about her birth, and how right he was.


	17. Chapter 16: A Few Rounds

Author Notes: Sorry for the hold up. I've been working and engulfed in another play through of the game.

Chapter 16: A Few Rounds

He felt like ripping her heart out when he thought about her smirk. He felt like punching Anders in his face at how oblivious he was that he was standing next to a cruel statue, and he felt like punching him for the fact that he had taken his place. Hawke had made it known how replaceable he was, so why should he stay here? He didn't want to follow this woman around anymore, that would destroy him… but he promised he would protect her. He felt like punching himself for that, making a promise to that witch.

At least the Hanged Man seemed the same. It smelled the same at least, like despair, piss and alcohol. He saw Varric sitting with Merrill. He wondered why it was only those two, and where that pirate was. He wondered if Aveline was on guard duty, but it was late for that. Varric seemed to perk up as he approached the table, and Merrill seemed to smile like he never left. It seemed odd to have such a small party here, after all the ones he had been to.

"Well look whose back! We thought you had left forever." He was curious about that, of course they had talked about his leaving but he wondered what Hawke had told the dwarf that she took everywhere with her. Fenris had always told her that he was a bad confidant that he probably wrote it all down in his little book. Hawke had laughed at him and told him he was paranoid.

"Well, why wouldn't we? That's what Hawke said after all." Merrill nodded, proud of herself for her remembering Hawke's assertion.

"Shh, Daisy she didn't mean that." Varric motioned for him to sit down and he did so in the chair opposite of them. "So what have you been up to, broody?"

"Chasing ghosts. Nothing truly substantial. I thoughtHawke could help me but she seems to be engulfed in other things." They had ordered drinks, and he had the idea he was going to get pretty hung tonight and live up to the name of the place. Maybe he'd even rent a room and just sleep here.

"She is pretty busy, but she does tasks for us when we ask her to. I am sure you could get her assistance." Merrill was as oblivious as always, maybe she didn't realize the affection he held for Hawke, or the fact he didn't want her help now that she was with that abomination.

"Yes, I'm sure. Right between playing noble and house." He took a deep drink of his ale. It tasted like piss, but it was better than having a clear head. "What has she been doing anyways? You always follow her around, Varric."

He nearly coughed on his drink. Secrets, he held all her secrets. What was Anders then? Just a toy? Fenris used to be all of these things to her, her keeper of secrets, her confidant she would say and her lover. He grit his teeth slightly before taking another drink to eye the dwarf closely. "Here and there, you know Hawke. She has her hand in everything. I am guessing you saw her tonight before you came here by how broodier you seem." Varric played it off, taking a drink after deflecting the question.

A couple more drinks and Fenris assumed he could get what Hawke had been doing out of Varric, he was a chatty drunk after all. "Yes I saw her, all dolled up with Anders on her arm going to some function."

Varric laughed. "I never see her like that. It must have been quite the sight. Let me guess, red tonight? She seemed fiery during the day." Varric took another swill. Fenris hated Varric for the simple fact he might well drink him under the table before he got any information out of him that he wanted. "I assume Aveline went with Donnic then. Hawke insists Aveline goes with her to all these functions and Aveline hates her for it." That explained why Aveline wasn't here, that much was at least covered. "I'm sure they will show up later after the party and cause chaos here. Hawke doesn't like to go to bed after these things; says it gives her nightmares."

He didn't know if he wanted to be here when she showed up. He didn't truly want to see her. "A lot of things give her nightmares these days." Merrill was talking again with her sweet voice that seemed to poke at the inner hate he was harboring. "I don't think she sleeps like she used to after.. well.. after that day."

"What happened?" Merrill had zoned out, thinking on something else or possessed by what she said. Varric just looked down into his drink before shifting uncomfortably.

"It isn't truly our place to say… Hawke has changed a lot since you were gone because of certain events… No one calls her Hawke anymore except us, she's the Champion of Kirkwall now." He took a deep gulp of his drink, letting Fenris sit in anticipation of all the things that had gone on since he left. "After you left she was on the trail of some killer… and her mother went missing. The guy had been cutting women up to make this perfect woman… and he had killed her mother and used her head as the finishing piece. She killed him by herself, and her mother had died because his magic was gone. She carried the corpse all the way from that foundry to the Chantry… She didn't say a word for weeks." Fenris sat there transfixed, he hadn't even of thought that Leandra would be gone. She seemed so resilient and like she would be a perpetual motion behind Hawke's gears. "After that she seemed suicidal. She took riskier jobs that she wouldn't take before, and she was here almost every night after she finally started venturing out. We made Anders go on every mission incase… well.. you know." Merrill was playing with her fingers nervously as Varric stared off at the door. "Isabella left because Hawke tried to get her to turn a relic over to the Qunari… Isabella actually knocked Hawke out… and when Hawke awoke the Arishok was waging war on the city. She ended up killing him in one-on-one combat. She had insisted that was how it was going to go. She didn't get there quick enough, and the Viscount died. That's why everything is a mess, Meredith took over. She's been holding Bethany over Hawke's head."

"I… I didn't even…" It seemed sobering to him to think that all this had happened when she was away. She had lived a lifetime in this year while he had just wandered. He could even picture this mad woman throwing herself in front of the Arishok. He could imagine her standing there refusing to allow him to kill another.

"Yeah.. we all are…We're surprised she is still alive. The Arishok broke two of her ribs, she punctured a lung…" He rattled off her injuries and how she had survived. Was she even alive or was Anders keeping her alive? He couldn't imagine someone going through all of this and surviving.

"I think she wants to destroy this city like the Arishok. She thinks it's corrupt and beyond salvation."

"Daisy, I doubt she wants to do that…"

No, that was exactly what she wanted to do. It was just like Hawke. She wanted to get rid of those that tried to control her, she wanted to out Meredith for using her sister against her. She wanted to end the corruption and abuse because of how the system had let her mother's killer go unpunished to the point where he had gotten her mother. She wanted revenge for the fact she had to kill the Arishok because these people had trapped him. She was cold because she was calculating every step she took as she danced around these politicians. She was hard because what had occurred had broken her emotionally and physically. He always wondered what it would take to get Hawke to break, he guess he was just told about it. Her mother's death had been the nail in the coffin of the already teetering on cruel Hawke. He had remembered how that slaver Danzig had begged for his life before Hawke, and how she had laughed and said sure, before she stabbed him through the chest. He had respected her for the fact she had killed a slaver, but there was something that unnerved him about that experience, how he had started to see her unravel before his eyes. He had chalked it off to her hating slavers, she had been a slave to those smugglers he had learned, but her hate was a vicious thing. It was completely engulfing like his, but she had larger fish to fry than he did. He was after one man, she was after the whole system it seemed.

He sighed as he finished his drink, he was about to call it a night when he felt cold air on his back. He turned his head to see that bird of prey walk in. She was decked in all black as was customary to her assassin charms but now some of her clothing was accented with crimson trim. Her bodice was different than he remembered. It was lower cut, and it seemed to lace like the one she was wearing tonight did. It was long sleeve, covering every inch of her skin except for the bit of chest and neck she allowed to be seen. She had come here with Aveline by her side, and a red hood up to leave her face in shadows. Her hair was still long and in curls, but looser than they had been before. She was a vision as she flashed a smile at Aveline, giving some inside joke that he couldn't hear over the crowd here tonight. Anders wasn't with her that gave him some delight as she walked over to the clicking of her high-heeled boots on the wood. He still debated running but it was too late as she had already caught him, swooped down to captivate him. Was this how the hare felt when the hawk came upon them? Was their fear squashed beneath some awe towards the hunter?

He could feel his face redden as she put her hands on his shoulders, leaning down to speak into his ear. He could smell the familiar lavender scent of her skin and it made him stiffen as he remembered their intimate encounter. "I knew I would find you here, you are so predictable." She said it in such a tone that it was almost intimate, but it wasn't. There was a mocking in her voice as she whispered that to him to brush past him and take the seat next to him. It was a torment being next to her, and she showed no sign that it was to her. He hated her.

"So how was your party, Hawke?" Varric was the first one to talk, he always was the conversation starter. Hawke smirked as she turned to take her drink from the barmaid that seemed to know exactly what she wanted.

"It was standard fair. They all kissed my ass and said how grateful they were to be alive… how barbaric the Qunari were, and how afraid they were that the mages were going to rebel…" She took a drink before she continued her little rant. "Oh, Champion.. . What should we do? And did you know I have a son your age?" She laughed at her own imitation before setting her drink down. Her laugh was so hollow to him now, and he could see the bitterness in her face at having to play their games. "If I get one more proposal I should just take it to shut them up!"

They all laughed at that except Fenris, he just made himself seem thirsty as the drinks seemed to keep coming. "I doubt Anders would like that, Hawke… and you as a noble's wife? I think Hightown would implode."

Hawke smiled. Fenris recoiled slightly. Anders. It always came down to Anders. Were they living together? Is that why he was there tonight in her mansion? "The world would turn upside and the darkspawn would become civilized! I know. I won't do it, I don't want another Blight."

The night passed uneventfully. He watched her, the way she would glance at him out of the corner of her eye, the way she laughed dryly and spoke only when spoken to. He didn't even know if this was Hawke. He wanted to reach out and touch her and see if she was an ethereal entity, some vision to haunt him but he dare not move an inch closer to her. He remembered her touch well enough from when she came in. She was a hot blooded creature, she had to be real if not reserved.

She said her goodbyes, making everything as personal as she always did. She knew why they would follow her even if she meant to take the city down; it was because she was their Hawke. She was this woman that always made time for them, made time for everyone, she always made even the people she hated feel so special. She just gave him a brief goodbye, but she ran her fingers across his shoulder as she passed him on her way out. He stared as she left, he always did enjoy following her. He tried to seem as inconspicuous as possible as he got up and left five minutes later, the others seemed to know he only came to see if Hawke would appear. Maybe Merrill was right, maybe he did look at her with puppy eyes… He didn't want to admit it to them but he did love this destructive woman.

She was waiting for him in the clearing ahead. She looked like some shade as she stood in the clearing with the moon shining down on her. She looked at him with a wicked smirk on her face before running off. Was he supposed to chase her? Why was she running, what was going through her mind? He chased her though, like the wolf he was, he followed her down the alleyways and around the corners before he came to a dead end. He felt his heart drop as he looked around for her to see only the shadows cast by the moonlight. He remembered this alley though, where had she led him? He looked up at the familiar balcony where he once snuck in on Hawke. He remembered how she just sat by the fire and looked at him dully, like she had expected him hours before.

"So predictable." He heard the words a second too late. He felt a small knife as she pressed it against the front of his throat as her other arm wrapped around his hips. He could feel her warm, the press of her body against his. "but yet you don't flinch, maybe I am predictable." She stepped away from him in a smooth movement and he just turned and looked at her, she hadn't backed up as much as he thought. She looked up at him slightly, her lips almost touching his. He wanted to wipe that smirk off her face. "Did you miss me, Wolf?" She was stepping back slightly and he was following her, it was like she had a collar tight around his neck and she was pulling his leash. "What did you do while you were gone, Wolf?" Why was she calling him that?

"I am no wolf."

"You look like one to me… the way you hunt… the way you search for a pack… You want to seem like a lone wolf but you yearn to run with others. You saw my pack and wanted to join. You want me to lead you, Fenris, you are submissive by nature." He was scowling at her, and she could see she loved every second of it.


	18. Chapter 17: Confrontation

She had gone to bed elated, and victorious, more so she had gone to bed craving him and lonely again. Anders didn't live with her, she didn't want that from him and he wasn't here when she came back. She would have rather of shared her bed with Isabella while Fenris was gone, but she had left as well. She always knew her time with Isabella was fleeting, but she never guessed their time would end by Isabella knocking her out and running off with a sacred text. She would have felt guilty at how she had used Anders but he had used her as much as she had used him, perhaps she would have ended up with him anyways, if Fenris had never returned. She remembered the night before, how possessive he had been at the party, how angry he had gotten when she had danced with others, it was like he knew she was slipping away, but she was never truly his was she? Maybe that was why he was the way he was, because she was never his and he wanted it so badly. Why did he like her anyways? She was pretty, that wasn't to be played down. She had a sharp wit, and she hung out with amazing dwarves. She thought he mostly liked her as she was an advocate for the mages, but she truly wasn't. She was an advocate for keeping Bethany alive, and if that meant saving other mages then so be it. Half of the mages she ran into she felt deserved to be in the circle. How many times was it that she went to help a mage and they had turned into an abomination? Or what about the blood mage who turned her mother into a corpse doll? She shivered remembering that as she untangled herself from her sheets. They weren't all bad, she did like Merrill, that was a plus for them was Merrill. That was probably about all the pluses there were to blood mages though.

She drew herself a bath as she hated having Bodhan or Orana do anything trivial like that. Bodhan had done it a few times against her wishes, Orana had tried to do it but Hawke had taken the water from her. Bodhan could keep track of her mail, and Orana could clean the cobwebs, but she wanted nothing more from them. She didn't even want that from them. She slid into the hot scented water that gave her that flowery smell and let all her cares slip away. She had to plan what she was doing today. Her schedule was free, she wouldn't be required to play puppet for anyone. Perhaps she would go to the Wounded Coast and play her favorite game of raid the raiders, or slaughter the slavers. Either one seemed like a good idea. Maybe she would run into Coterie and cut them down a peg. They were always after her now-a-days, but she had brought that on herself for messing with their shipments, killing their henchmen… well the list went on, really. She hated them more than she hated the Templars. The way they thought they owned the streets, it was presumptuous and very wrong of them. If anything she owned the streets, she owned most of the businesses now, or at least had a stake in them. That mine was the first step, and that was a naïve decision of hers. Even now her "partner" was sending her letters about problems. It seemed no one survived without her, but perhaps she liked that being in control aspect.

She leaned her head back closing her eyes and letting her hair cascade off the rim of the tub. Yelling was greeting her ears, Bodhan was horrible at keeping people from coming to see her. She could hear footsteps coming up the stairs, and Bodhan saying something about how she couldn't take guests right now, and then she heard Anders' voice. She tilted her head to the door to open her eyes and look at the mage's form in the doorway. He was quite angry she had to guess from the look on his face but even more he was surprised to find her naked, bathing in the tub, it made her smile to see him flustered and gawking at her like a school boy. She guessed Bodhan had the common sense to not follow him into her room, at least she was saved that pair of eyes on her.

"Can I help you, Anders? As you can see I am not suited to take visitors, as I heard Bodhan tell you." She turned her head back to close her eyes.

"Is this some kind of joke to you? Is this another one of your jokes, Hawke?" She ran her hands over her forehead and back to push her hair away from her.

"Whatever are you talking about Anders?" She allowed to look at him again, he was a handsome man. If he didn't have a demon inside of him that wanted her dead she may have forgotten all about Fenris. There was something to his disheveled look that she loved, because it was a look that so wasn't hers.

"You don't come home last night until the Maker knows when and you leave with Fenris. Do I mean nothing to you, Hawke?" Here came the possessive rant, here came the fact that he saw her as a possession. He made her angry, but she wouldn't give him that satisfaction.

"I didn't know you were my mother reincarnated, but yes… you mean nothing to me Anders. We were never anything but friends. Now if you'll excuse me I have things to do." She stood up, letting the water runoff of her to step out of the tub. She saw Anders' go red as he struggled between anger and longing. She grabbed her robe and wrapped it around her to go to walk past him. She knew he would stop her, but she was expecting it. The feeling of his hand around her arm, the way he tried not to apply too much pressure, but was applying enough to show her how strong he was. Perhaps if he showed her all of his testosterone she would cave to his will, it was enough to make her roll her eyes.

"We are nothing? Just friends? What are you talking about? We've done things friends would never do to each other." She wanted to shrug him off but she just stood there looking ahead as he spit his words at her.

"We never had a relationship. It was never called that. I had more of a connection with Isabella than I ever did with you."

"We may have never called it that but it was that. You can say what you will, Hawke, but you know our connection was better than bar hopping with that pirate." She laughed, she honestly laughed at him which angered him enough for his features to start glowing blue. He shoved her against the doorframe and she looked at him with that smirk on her face. "This is all that elf's fault. You are infatuated with him and he cares nothing for you. He left you!" The more Anders raised his voice the more she found this situation funny. "I would never leave you, Hawke, and you spit in my face. You laugh at my affections and scorn me."

" Hello, Vengeance. Are you going to kill me like that little mage girl because if you do can you make it a wee bit less messy than that?" She saw something flash in his face and that blue start to diminish. She had hit a nerve, a memory that had haunted Anders. Anders was losing control over the spirit and she wasn't helping. The closer she got to him, the more he seemed to fray. She wouldn't be a pawn to a spirit like Anders was. He backed away from her and she walked past him to her wardrobe. "I am sorry that you were confused by your place with me, but I am no one's property… and I could never be yours because of Vengeance. He hates me and would be all too happy at my death."

"You would be Fenris' if he asked you. You and I both know that. I don't think he would want you now though. You have changed too much, Hawke… and I can control Vengeance you know that.."

"But you would want me? And I don't think you can anymore." That little outburst showed her that, the slightest bit of anger and Vengeance was there, ready to strike her down.

"I see how good of a soul you have, how you want to help everyone. Fenris will never see past your cold exterior. If you ever change your mind…"

She looked back at him as he left. Anders had the wrong of it. Perhaps Anders was right, that Fenris didn't realize who she truly was, but it seemed Fenris had a better grasp of her than Anders did. Anders would get over this though, he would throw himself into the rebellion of the mages and he would come back to her in a week, she assumed, and ask her to deal with some newest problem that snagged his course.

For now, she had to figure out what she wanted to wear to kill raiders…


	19. Chapter 18: Fen

Chapter 18:

Author Notes: I never believe that Fenris and Hawke broke off anything after he left, honestly or in the time between the scene in act 2 and three…. Even when you play the game, before you reconcile and talk about your relationship, your party members say comments all the time about Fenris and Hawke like Aveline asked me about being careful with Fenris. Just food for thought.

She wasn't at her home again. Did she ever stay there these days? It seemed to him that she tried to stay away from her estate at all costs. Was it because it reminded her of her mother or was it because she was just bored? He wanted to believe it was the first that she was something more than a sadistic killer, but it seemed more likely that she was just traipsing about on a whim.

Bodhan had no idea where she went. The girl she had hired, Orana, just stared at him petrified. He thought he'd find her at the Hanged Man, but Varric said he hadn't seen her since last night. Varric had said it was her day off, so he might be able to find her at the Wounded Coast. It seemed suicide to go there by herself, to fight off raiders and spiders, and whatever still lived on that Coast.

Varric had shrugged at Fenris' look of disapproval. "It isn't risky to her. I think that's what she most enjoys. Tonight she'll probably be in Lowtown fighting Carta or Coterie, or whatever gets in her way."

"None of you thought to try and stop her?" Varric had laughed at that. It seemed he legitimately found what Fenris said to be a joke.

"Elf, have you tried to stop Hawke from doing something she wanted? That is what I call suicide, not her trips to the Coast. Any of us would go, Anders used to force himself on those expeditions but she ditched him in the middle of the Coast and he took the hint. I don't want to get lost on the coast because Hawke wants some alone time."

He didn't feel like giving her alone time. He wanted to confront her about her tricks and the way she was acting. He didn't know exactly what he was going to say to her, but he just wanted to yell at this impossible woman and get some sense into her, or at least find out what her ultimate plan was. She had something up her sleeve that he didn't like. Hawke wasn't the type to dress up and go to balls, so why was she doing it? So he went to the Wounded Coast.

She liked the smell of the salt water, and the feel of the breeze that the coast always had even on the clearest days. She loved the days it rained the best, where she would sit out on the bank and watch the sea rage and the waves collide against the rocks. This was her solitude, she thought best when she was staring out at the sea. She could understand why Isabella left if it meant being able to sail across the world once more. The only boat she had ever taken was the one where she was trapped under the deck with the other refugees. It was far from romantic, but she often dreamed of leaving Kirkwall behind and just wandering the world. Bodhan had said he was leaving not too long ago, and part of her wished she could leave with them but she had too many unfinished ends in this place and she wouldn't leave Bethany here in the Circle while she went about the world.

The raiders were making their planned attack as they always did. She had found their schedule and had made her time around attacking them. It was amusing, as they thought one of their own had leaked their plans, but it was much simpler than that: they spoke too loudly in the streets. Raiders were never that intelligent, she had to admit the slavers were much cleverer. The slavers had changed their routes from the Wounded Coast, they had switched to the Docks which made her less apt to attack them as while she had ears, Meredith had eyes. She was always being watched. The only time she wasn't watched was when she would disappear from Kirkwall to the Wounded Coast or Sundermount. Meredith only knew she wasn't in Kirkwall, not where she hid. It unnerved her for Meredith to know she wasn't in the city, but even when she was there Meredith got away with things that made her blood boil. She was turning all the mages into abominations herself, maybe she was just trying to kill all the mages so she could focus less on templar duties and more on her political aspirations. The only joy she got these days was the image in her mind of taking over Kirkwall. She had gathered enough support from the nobles, she just had to make a move. She didn't truly want to stand up to Meredith though, it might mean torture for Bethany or death. She was paralyzed by this woman, trapped. No one had such power over her before, or such control over her actions. She was a lapdog, whether she wanted to admit or not.

Reality is a bitch, and these raiders were about to find out. She casually pulled her hood up, white wolf fur with the tuffs of fur that made it look like ears. It made her feel like she was back with the Dalish, for a brief fleeting moment. Perched on a hill overlooking them she watched as they foolishly walked into his miasma traps. They started coughing and sputtering, trying to inhale fresh air, but this stuff… this was the recipe she got off of that crazy elf. The Arishok wasn't kidding when he said how potent this stuff was. She had found out first experience, but she had expected what she walked into. She drew the bow off of her back with a few arrows and took out the stragglers. They didn't know what hit them as the arrows hit various key points on the body: jugular, eyes… you name it she hit it. She felt slightly smug as she sat back down as she watched the last in their dying thralls. They were easier to kill than werewolves, and much more of a satisfying target. She sat back down and looked at the scene as the last survivors were in their dying thralls. The poison made them insane before it killed them, so she felt little remorse… they didn't know what was happening to them after all. She would go down and leave some signs of Carta on the bodies before she left to make the groups attack each other again. It at least distracted them from innocents.

She hated this outfit, she never knew why she wore it. Maybe it was the wolf fur that felt so nice against her skin, or maybe it was the fact it showed her ill-begotten success. The raiment of the Champion of Kirkwall. The outfit specifically designed for her. She had to say the wolf fur was a nice dig by Meredith, the way it was meant to remind her of her one companion that had disappeared. Meredith was clever. She even had on the back embroidered the crest of Kirkwall where Hawke had always worn her family crest. The outfit was all a sign of how she was Meredith's dog now. She did like the leather though, it fit perfectly, accenting everything that the Chantry would wish she would cover up. She refused to wear the boots, they were too metallic. She preffered her black high heeled boots, but the gloves were nice. The touch of silver really accented the white of her hood and collar. She had bad news for Meredith, she might like to dress her lapdog up, but this lapdog had a bite. Wolves could never become domesticated truly.

Movement stirred behind her but she didn't move. He knew she heard him but he guessed she didn't feel him a threat. Maybe she knew he would show up but he doubted that. He raised a brow at her attire. He guessed this was the Champion of Kirkwall before him, wearing the crest of Kirkwall in red while the rest of her attire was black, except for that white wolf fur that she wore as a hood. She looked so peaceful as she looked over at the massacre she produced. He wondered if he should warn people about her instead of mages, mages at least obviously had powers beyond what a mortal should possess, but Hawke… Hawke just looked like a regular woman.

"What is it you want, Fenris?" She didn't even turn to look at him. He felt like some intruder again into this world that Hawke didn't want him in. Her voice sounded harsh and withdrawn to him, far from what he was used to.

"A wolf pelt?" He seemed to have forgotten all his anger as he stared at her form sitting on the edge of the precipice.

"Fen.. It is Fen. Dalish crafted so it deserves the Dalish name. Merrill said that it looked like the pelt of the Dread Wolf." He could feel her pause deliberately before looking at him. "I know what your name means. I always did, little wolf." She seemed amused by his expression at that name, the hatred that oozed off of him. "I think it fits you. That seems to be the only thing Danarius got right about you, that you are a little wolf." She stood up to dust herself off, taking a meticulous time to get all the grains off of her. "You snarl and nip at everyone but you aren't an alpha." She walked closer to him at a slow pace, a deliberate step like every movement she made.

"I do not like that pet name, and where do you get off saying such things, Hawke?" He was snarling at her, doing the very thing she was saying it without noticing.

"You do not like a lot of things, Fenris… You do not like the way I play pretend with the nobles. You do not like the way I go out to the Wounded Coast by myself. What do you like, Fenris?" She was ignoring his question, angering him and she was soaking it up. "Would you like to hurt me? Put me in my place?" She eyed him up with those cruel blue eyes that seemed to sparkle with some delight in them at tormenting him. "I don't think you could."

She was laughing, she was laughing at him again but it wasn't that hollow laugh, it was something beyond amusement. He had her pinned on the ground and she was laughing at him. He didn't even remember pushing her down, but he still felt the anger seething in him. "So you came to ravage me. I didn't see that coming."

"No.. I… I didn't come here for that." He moved to pull back from her but she had wrapped her fingers around his hair tightly to pull him closer, his face inches from hers she was smirking at him as he stared bewildered.

"No? You didn't. Did you come to save me from myself? Did you expect to find me in trouble and come rescue me?" Her lips brushed lightly against his and he felt his anger turn into something he remembered all too well, the thing that he had run away from. "Was that your way of apologizing? To show up here and be valiant?"

She had him trapped, though she was the one pinned. He didn't want to run away from this, he was done running, but this wasn't the same woman that was under him that night. "I was furious with you. I came to confront you."

She just smiled at him, amused again. She always seemed amused by what he said, like a parent was of a young child. Her fingers untwined from his hair to run down his jaw, tracing the outline delicately. "Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't I be telling you what nerve you have showing up at my mansion late at night after being gone a year." It wasn't a question. It was a statement she was telling him. She wasn't conventional; she didn't care how far he ran. She could survive without him he knew, is that why he wanted her so much? Was it because she was an impossible woman that had always danced out of his reach except for that one night? "I always knew you would return. I didn't know your leash was that long however."

"Leash?"She could see his anger rising again and she laughed. It hurt to be this close to him and yet so far away. There was a wall between them. Between what she had experienced and what she had become and what he expected her to be.

"The one wrapped around you by my stunning beauty. How could you ever truly leave someone as beautiful as me? I won't even go on about my intelligence and wealth… but if you aren't going to ravage me I would love to get out of the dirt."

"You are so full of yourself. From the stories I heard I thought you would be crushed and devastated but you only seem more enamored with yourself." He felt all his anger drifting away at her horrible humor. No wonder people would give up before fighting her.

"Oh? Has Varric been telling stories again? I keep telling him to embellish more, more things about ponies and sunshine but I guess that isn't as interesting as one-on-one combat with a Qunari leader."

"If I would have known about your mother I would have come back sooner..." He saw something flash across her face for an instant, like that façade she had put up weakened before him before it was back. The frown she was teetering between and the tears seemed too startling to him but she composed herself quickly and smiled, acting like that moment of weakness was an act.

"Well, Varric shouldn't be telling that story now.." He just stared down at her. He didn't know how to describe her or what she was. She was fragile, but she was made of stone. It was like a single tear might erode her away. She sighed. "Let me up then?"

He obliged, helping her to her feet by pulling her up by her arm. He held his hand there just above her elbow and she gave him a soft of confused look. He was hesitating between what he wanted to do and the fear of rejection. She had never rejected him though, it had been the other way around. Before the moment seemed gone or before she entered her opinion into it he pulled her closer, moving his hand from her arm to rest it on her hip as he kissed her passionately. He could taste her surprise, but she didn't stop him. She was more than willing to comply with him, the hard stone turning to putty as he ran his hands over her form, fondling her messily as she kissed back at him. The moment seemed to pass as she pulled away slightly, not too far to escape his touch but enough to make her intent known. Those blue eyes seemed clouded by something… desire, regret, tears… he couldn't tell anymore.

"This isn't the place. The leader will come back soon." She didn't want to say that, but she had to. She could feel the barriers she had placed around herself crumbling down at him being near her, it hurt. She wanted to cry the same way she did that night, it was taking everything to keep them back. She wasn't funny Hawke right now, she wasn't cunning Hawke. She was the Hawke caught in the wolf's teeth. She could feel herself futility trying to lose herself from his grip. She felt so powerful at her temptation the night before, at her torturing him as she stood next to Anders, but he had caught her out of her element. She truly hadn't expected him today, and she hadn't expected him on top of her. She could feel her brain shutting itself down at his touch.

"Are you truly worried, or do you not want me?"

And the four words she had never uttered in her life fell from her lips…"I do not know."

He smirked at her, letting her go to step away from her. It seemed he had the upper hand again. "I did not know I ruffled your feathers so much."

"You know you ruffle my feathers quite a bit." She was regaining her composure. Why was she such a child around the elf? Why did he have such power over her? The only men to refuse her now come before her wanting her, craving her, and she was afraid. She wanted him but she was so afraid.


	20. Chapter 19: Abomination

Chapter 19:

They had walked the way home in silence with Fenris trailing slightly behind her as he usually did. He was never too far away, he always was that way. He gave her distance, but in a flash he would strike down anyone that would try and test her. She had never truly put too much stock in it before, but whenever she was in over her head in a fight Fenris always seemed to drop whatever enemy he had to save her. It was oddly romantic to her.

She could tell he wanted to ask her question, probably about all the things Varric had told him. She didn't think he had that much time to go into detail, and Varric did embellish, but the way Fenris looked at her with such sad eyes, it made her wonder. They had almost parted ways quietly but Fenris stopped as they were walking up the stairs to Hightown. She stopped to look back at him, he obviously wanted her attention.

"I was wondering if I could come over tomorrow… to catch up." He seemed embarrassed to ask, he had some ulterior motive. She had guessed he had failed in whatever search for his master he had set off for. She knew he would never rest while that man lived, but she didn't think sleeping with her would drive him to search again.

"You can always stop by." She left it at that, walking away before another word could be said. She didn't want to slip back into weakness and follow him to his house so she briskly went to hers.

She always found someone in her home, she was hardly surprised it was Varric. He had become a regular at her home almost as much as a regular at the Hanged Man. He thought it was his secret fascination with innocent elves, but perhaps he just enjoyed her company that much. Who was she kidding?

Varric was sitting in one of the chairs before the fireplace, and she took the opposite chair of him. "What do I owe this visit, Varric?"

"I can't just drop by to say hi, Hawke? You wound me. I thought we were best friends." He was smirking at her, and she relaxed to lean back in the chair.

"We are best friends, I don't know what I would do without my dwarf, but you never come here to talk about the weather."

"That is true. Anders came by the Hanged Man today." She tilted her head at the words that came out of Varric's mouth, Anders truly wasn't a drinker. He had told her he used to be, but that seemed like an impossibility. Anders had changed too much because of Justice he had said, another reason to distance him.

"I suppose the things drunk Anders told you would be a whole chapter in your story about me." She closed her eyes for a second, inhaling slowly to try and think of the things Anders would have told Varric.

"Some of it was too juicy. I'm trying to appeal to a large audience." She just stared at Varric as he was smirking at her again. He was a horrible liar. Maybe to everyone else he was a perfect liar but she saw straight through him.

"No. I don't think he told you any juicy details about me or my bed manners, though I am sure you tried to pry."

Varric frowned, "You take all the fun out of everything, Hawke. No he only said some quite queer things about you and a certain elf."

She smiled slightly, playing along. "Oh do tell me. I love gossip."

"Well he was saying that you and the elf were more than just friends, and that you and him were the same way until the elf came back."

Hawke shrugged, she wasn't about to talk about this with Varric when she couldn't even talk about it with Fenris. Were they supposed to be girlfriends and gossip over crushes? "Who haven't I been with? You know me and Isabella loved the Blooming Rose." Deflection, deflection, deflection. She had only gone to the Blooming Rose with Isabella a few times, and in the end Isabella and her used to get bored with whoever they hired and just rent the room out for the night. They were quite horrible girls.

"Ah yes, your rebellious phase that started after the elf left. Also how you started doing riskier jobs after the elf left. You were quite torn up about something… after the elf left." She was getting it. Was he worried about her or did he just want to write it down on the pages?

"Fenris and I did have something, but he left. I do not know what I will do now if that is what you are asking."

"I wasn't asking anything. I just came here to tell you how Anders cried to me and was saying curious things. I just had to see if they were true. Why did you toss Anders aside anyways? You seemed happy with him for a time."

She looked away from him to the fire to sigh. "I never got close to Anders because of what Fenris would say. I was afraid of him because of Justice. When Fenris left, I thought all of what he said was rubbish." She closed her eyes. "It was a mistake, and I was weak after my mother's death… and he was there." Why was she telling this to Varric? Was it because she had no one else to tell it to? That seemed to be most of the way her stories went, Varric as the only ear to hear. "I did care about him… but Justice hates me. He feels I am not doing enough for the mages, and that I was holding Anders back. Justice would kill me if he could. What am I supposed to do though? I can't do anything these days without Meredith on my ass." She looked at Varric to see how he had responded to her rant, and he just sat there looking empathetic. She hated when people looked at her like that, she was Hawke… she wasn't someone to feel sorry for. She was someone to be feared.

"That makes sense… Anders freaks me out sometimes too, but he isn't all that bad." No, Anders wasn't all bad, but he wasn't someone you wanted to share your bed with.

"I never said that. I think he is close to breaking though. Meredith's means to control the mages is fraying what control he has. I've seen it." She wouldn't talk about it anymore. She had thrown it in Ander's face as a measure to get him to hate her, but it still terrified her. She remembered watching Justice take over, she remembered trying to talk him down to no avail. She remembered how he killed that girl in one blow. That poor little mage that only wanted to go home. "I wish Isabella never left. The three of us could have become connoisseurs of whore houses and taverns… sailing the seven seas for pleasure." She laughed, she didn't like talking about such serious things. She always turned everything into a joke when she could, it made it easier than to deal with true problems. She had enough of that when she went to the gallows.

"What a life that would have been. I don't know why she ran. You were going to help her."

"She knew I wasn't going to let her keep the Qunari text… She knew I had alliances with the Arishok, and saving her ass was more important, it always was." She shrugged. "I knew from the beginning there was nothing serious to her. A pirate will be a pirate."

"So you and the elf…."

"So me and the elf…" She laughed before getting up to get some drinks for the two of them.

They had ended the night with drinking. It always seemed to happen this way with Varric. She wished she could look at her liver before and after she met Varric. She felt sometimes it was on its last leg. The dwarf could put it away, and she wouldn't let him win so easily. Tonight she didn't get so sloshed, she had too much to think about to let herself drown it all at the bottom of the bottle. She had done that too much recently, she needed a clear head to find her path in the coming days.


	21. Chapter 20: I Always Aim to Please

Chapter 20:

She heard the knocking at her door, but it seemed to be in a haze. She saw the sunlight coming in from her balcony, but that seemed to be from a dream. She yawned rolling over away from the rays of sun. The knocking didn't stop, so she decided she should get out of bed. Bodhan always had a habit of dragging her out of bed when she slept too late, but she didn't think it was that late.

The knocking subsided as crossed the room to her vanity table. Bodhan usually wouldn't desist until she yelled at him, perhaps he knew she had a slight headache from the night before. It must not have been that urgent, but she still felt a necessity to see if he needed something. She braided her long hair quickly to the side and slid her short red robe on: the sleeves at least covered her arms. She opened her door to step out and almost slam into Fenris. She gasped, catching herself and stepping back before she slammed into him. Flustered her cheeks flared red, the same his did at looking at her in such a personal state of dress.

"Why are you here?"

"I-… uh—I told you I would be coming over."

She frowned, more of a pout. She was still half-asleep. It was hard to put on the face she wore to the public when she wasn't even in her public attire. "I thought that meant like noon…"

He stared at her blankly"It is three."

"….Fuck."

He took a whiff of her, not her usual smell. It was somehow nice to see her so intimately. "You smell like cheap liquor."

"You smell like…" She waved her joke away. Did she really smell that bad? She was regretting getting out of bed now. "Why didn't Bodhan wake me up?"

"He wasn't here. Orana said he went out to run errands for you, and she thought you were awake." That part was a lie. He knew that Hawke was either asleep or gone, and when he heard her shuffle in her room he knew she was asleep. She was erratic in her behavior; it unnerved him to see her flutter between these different worlds haphazardly.

"He could have woken me up before he left." She had grown too use to Bodhan baby-sitting her. She knew he was leaving at any moment, she didn't know why she still remained so dependent on him. Maybe if she stayed dependant he would feel sorry for her and not leave…. No. That wasn't going to happen.

"Do you want something to eat?"

"You're going to cook…?" She could hear the curiosity in his voice and the doubt that it was going to happen.

"No." She laughed, crushing his delight in the fact she might bake him something. She hadn't baked since she had been to Kirkwall, or cooked for that matter. Either her mother or Orana had cooked for her, before that it was Bethany or her mother. She was the fighter if anything, and while she had moments of being nurturing and caring for the most part she was just the assassin that brushed in and out at her own time. She was rummaging throught he kitchen when Orana timidly appeared.

"I can do that for you, Mistress."

Hawke backed off allowing Orana to do her magic. Orana always said she didn't cook as well as her father, but Orana was a goddess in the kitchen. She had decided to cook them eggs for breakfast, or lunch, or maybe an early dinner… it was three after all. She wondered if Fenris had already eaten today, but the way her stomach felt she truly didn't care. She took the plates from Orana when she was finished cooking, allowing Orana to clean up the mess. She sat one in front of Fenris before taking a seat at the dining room table herself that was much too large for just two people.

"So you don't cook at all I gather." Fenris was just watching her eat as she woofed down her food like it was the last of the eggs and bread in the world.

"I have cooked a few times in my life if you count roasting rat over a fire as cooking.." She looked to him and to his plate then back to his face in a quick succession. "Are you not hungry?" He took the hint and started eating, taking a few bites out of the food. He had already eaten, though he did have to admit that this was the best food he had had in a while. Between the wandering and his run-down mansion he truly didn't have home-cooked food, it was more like whatever-slop-taverns-had food. "So what do you want from me? I'm sure you didn't come over to just wake me up and have breakfast."

He had to smile at her, the way she looked so disheveled and the way she was eating her food like it was a precious commodity. She was endearing as she sat there in her robe with her hair braided like she was one of the Dalish. "I must admit you are quite a sight woken up.. I didn't expect this little gem when I came to visit…but…" There was always a but when she talked to people.. I am a strong templar, but I need you to rescue my kitten…. I usually don't ask people for help but could you find my crate of goods in the warehouse… She sipped on some wine Orana had brought her as she just looked at him while he talked. This had to be good for him to come crawling back to her. Well… she knew he wanted her, but he was too full of pride to say that, or to ask for her help after he had left to show that he was something stronger than what she had seen him reduced to after his memories hit him. "I need you to make sure something isn't a trap."

She pushed her empty plate away from her after sitting her glass down to yawn. "That's all..? You want me to scout an area for you? I could do that in my sleep."

She saw him redden a little bit. "You don't understand… It's my sister. I tracked her down, and I sent her coin to come and visit. Everything Hadriana said was correct…"

"Then why do you need me? It sounds pretty normal."

"I just can't put my finger on it… It just feels too…"

"Right? It feels too right that you are actually going to see your sister and learn about your past." She chuckled at him, maybe it was the wine or the hangover talking. "Whatever, Fenris… I will scout the place out tonight and then tomorrow I'll go with you if you want."

"Thank you, Hawke… and I would appreciate that. It's at the Hanged Man. Variana should already be there. You won't be able to miss her I'm sure."

"Do I miss anything?"

"No, not usually." He had fed into her already large ego, he could see it in the way her eyes lit up. He had so much he wished to tell her, but even when he was alone with her he felt afraid to say it all. Would she reject him, or would she just laugh at him? He wished he could curb her, but it seemed all her near death experiences just made her more adventurous and immortal to some. "I must be going though. I have some preparations to make."


	22. Chapter 21: But I Nearly Died

Chapter 21: but I nearly died

It seemed easy enough, though it made her uneasy to think that Fenris thought it was a trap. She chalked it up to the fact he was paranoid and suspicious of almost everything, but she still kept her guard as she walked to the Hanged Man. She assumed she would run into Varric at the pub, and that was all she really needed if it did turn out to be a trap. She usually had nerves before she went after anyone. She always made herself seem so composed but she was truly a wreck to the core. Fenris had seen that today when she had forgotten to wake up to meet him, he was seeing too much of her weak side.

She would prove tonight she wasn't weak.

It was eerily quiet on her walk to the Hanged Man. That was the first sign that put her on guard. She could never walk more than ten feet without someone trying to take her down. She was valuable, more so dead than alive to the thugs and smugglers. She may have been one of them once, but she was now their most hated enemy. It seemed doing things for good without a profit seemed inconceivable, and a larger crime than murder. The second sign was the fact that voices couldn't be heard from the Hanged Man from up the street. That was the worst part of it, as she knew she was walking into some trap. The idea that it was something she couldn't handle was insane to her, so she didn't turn back. She couldn't turn back; the champion afraid of a trap was ridiculous. She would lose what respect she had if she did that. The third sign was when she walked into the pub itself. The door seemed much too loud as it closed behind her. There were eyes on her as she entered, she was an unwelcome visitor. She looked over at the bartender who seemed to be telling her to leave with his eyes.

She didn't leave though, that would have been foolish. They would have just chased her down if she tried to run anyways. They recognized her, who couldn't? She counted six sitting at various locations. She counted one by the bar, and then she saw Variana. She walked over, like some mouse enticed into the cat's jaws by cheese. She wasn't wearing her Champion's armor, her usual black assassin's attire with the Amelle crest was enough to point her out. She felt naked as she walked across the pub to Variana. She seemed nervous as she saw her approach, fidgeting and trying to look away at any chance.

"You must be Variana." She stopped a little distance from the table, in the opening. She wasn't going to sit down, she knew what was about to happen. Her hands were already on the hilts of her blades.

"You aren't Leto." It took her a second to process what she said, she almost wanted to laugh at Fenris' name. "Where is he and who are you exactly?"

"I know who she is well enough." A chill ran down her spine at the voice. She was face to face with Danarius as he walked down the stairs towards her. She knew that she was outnumbered, and Varric wasn't here to help her. "The Champion of Kirkwall, or Marion Hawke." He was eyeing her up as she heard movement shifting behind her. She was being encircled.

"Not many call me by my first name, nor do they know of it." She shifted her weight, she didn't seem uneasy, she tried to steel herself. She looked as hard as stone as she stood there surrounded. It made her angry that he dared to call her by her first name.

"I think it is quite a pretty name. Marion Hawke. It has a nice ring to it. I think you are a much greater prize to ensnare than Fenris. Though I do miss him so. I will just send hunters to kill him after I turn you into my new pet. You will more than make up for his loss"

There was something sinister in the way he was looking at her, something akin to greed. She felt like a piece of meat before him, or some farm animal ready for slaughter. "So why did you sell out your brother, Variana? Was it worth it?" She stared at Danarius as she asked Variana the question. She could feel herself trying to buy time, hoping that someone else would walk through the door like the fool she had been.

"You wouldn't understand what I have had to go through. Danarius promised he would make me a magister."

"Fair enough." She looked behind her at the men surrounding her. She would at least take three down.

"If you surrender I will make it less painful for you." Danarius seemed to know her scheme, and he wasn't about to waste any time. She wondered what he had in store. Would he put lyrium in her veins and use her to scare his dinner guests? Would she pour him the wine she had shared with Fenris?

Her thoughts seemed to swim through her mind as she stared at Danarius before survival instincts kicked in. She moved as fast as an arrow as she unsheathed her blades and went to strike her first target. It was the man directly behind her, the one that had stepped too close. She dug her right-handed blade deep into his neck before pulling it out to swing her left blade up in an arc across the chest of the next man that tried to snatch her. She heard laughing in the background, a raspy sound probably from Danarius as she slaughtered his goons.

"I want her alive." It was a command that allowed her opportunity to escape as she hopped over one body and tried for a desperate dash to the door. She didn't know that someone was so close behind her or else she would have attempted to slay them as the other two saps she had wasted. She felt a yanking as someone grabbed her hair, and she heard a sickening snap as she was yanked back to have her face slammed to the floor. She never wanted to be this close to the floor, that was the only thing she could think of as she tasted blood in her mouth, maybe she had bitten her tongue. She couldn't get up though as someone had what felt like their knee on her back. Her vision was blurred as her head seemed to spin; she couldn't tell who was on top of her anyways with her face being smashed into the ground. "You should stop struggling, it is futile at this point. Plus it will just damage your beautiful skin." She knew Danarius was standing next to her even though she had closed her eyes. It hurt too much to keep them open. "Oh you aren't going to say anything else witty? I was most looking forward to that aspect of you, it was one of the things that people most talk about."

His taunting was driving her insane, and it was harder to keep herself awake as the headache started to set in. She opened her eyes to look at him again, the smirk was enough to sicken her. Fenris had spent his whole life running from this monster, and now she was trapped by him. How could she have been such a fool? She never would have expected Danarius to show up, and apparently neither did Fenris. He would have been here immediately if he knew that.

"We have a long journey ahead of us boys. Take care of the bartender, we don't need any witnesses… and knock her out." She guessed it was going to be a surprise what was going to happen to her. She felt the man holding her down lift her head up to smash it down onto the floor again. In a bright flash of white hot pain she was out.


	23. Chapter 22: Vanishing Act

Chapter 22:Vanishing Act

She hadn't come by the mansion like she said she would, and when he stopped by her house Bodhan said she hadn't even come home. He chalked it up to her carelessness, Hawke was probably sleeping off a hangover in Varric's room, she had probably laughed at how paranoid he had been over some pints with the dwarf. He sighed at his little story of what she had done the night before and walked off to the Hanged Man. He saw Varric and Merrill standing outside with a slew of city guards, Aveline in the midst of it next to Varric. He frowned, this wasn't something he had expected to come across. Hawke was probably sprawled out on the floor of the Hanged Man in a pool of her blood, and it was all his fault.

All of their faces seemed to drop when they saw him walk up to them. "I guess this means Hawke isn't at her home… I guess the bartender's last words were right." Varric sounded heart-broken, it couldn't have been that bad, but if they thought Hawke might be at home then she wasn't dead inside.

"What? What's going on here?"

Aveline seemed to take over, the leader of the guard surrounded by a slew of her men to keep people out of the Hanged Man. "We just got here not too long ago… One of the bar maids had come in at dawn to find the bartender dying, and the inn empty and destroyed." She sighed, shaking her head. "The bartender's last words were that they had the champion.."

His heart sunk, he could feel it crushed in his chest as he took in what Aveline was saying. "Who has her?"

"We don't know. Nobody was here when we got here, Varric had been out all night at the Blooming Rose… We thought Merrill might be about to tell something because of her magic but there is no blood from Hawke in the place." Aveline seemed disgusted with herself that she had to turn to blood magic, but their leads were empty.

"It's all my fault… if I hadn't of gone out…"

"Then you'd be dead like the bartender, Varric.. they obviously picked their timing right, but I don't get why someone would kidnap her. I can get why they would kill her, she doesn't have a short supply of enemies." He saw Aveline try to work through it and he just felt the guilt pile on top of him.

"I think I know who it is." Fenris spoke up, though he felt like he couldn't talk. It just sounded like raspy words escaping from his throat, nothing substantial as he tried to crawl out from under the crushing guilt.

"Good! Then we can go get her." Merrill was smiling widely, oblivious to the fact he had no idea how to find her.

"…It's not like that, Merrill… I had her go to the inn to see if it was a trap… I had paid my sister to come see me, but now I think it was just some elaborate scheme set up by Danarius. I don't know why he would take Hawke though… I guess he figured out that I knew her, but it's not like he is trying to contact me to go to him." He shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes as he tried to fight back whatever emotions that were surging inside of him. He hated Danarius, he felt such a rage that he would hurt Hawke… He was angry with himself over letting Hawke walk into that alone, but he never figured she would be in danger, she was an unknown entity to Danarius but most of all he was worried, he was worried what was happening to Hawke. "I don't know where she could be, they could already be on a boat to Tevinter." He felt they were all blaming him for this, he was the cause of it after all but they didn't blink so much as an eyelash at his guilt. Maybe Hawke had been getting into too much trouble lately.

"That is unlikely, broody… This all seemed to happen before dawn… and the docks are hardly having anyone get in and out without Meredith's approval. To get out between that time frame is impossible. He would have to arrange something, even the smugglers are having it rough… and the coast is too rocky to have a vessel leave from there now as storms are rolling in." Varric had obviously been doing more work with the Guild than he had thought. Sometimes Fenris forgot all that the others did when they weren't with Hawke. It felt like to him that following Hawke was a full time job.

"Then what are we supposed to do? She could be anywhere." He guessed that his voice sounded a little shaky as the others were looking at him with some sort of pity in their eyes. They all knew about him and Hawke. Even though they never said anything out loud about their relationship, they could tell he was attached. Even Hawke could still tell he was attached by the way her eyes lingered on the red fabric around his arm that she gave him so long ago. He had been a fool. If she was alive he would spill his heart to her and apologize for every mistake he ever made against her.

Aveline sighed, crossing her arms over her chest in a defeated manner. "We have to wait… I will put a lock down on all vessels leaving the docks… We will make patrols every night to see if this Danarius makes a move. I'll have patrols across the Coast as well.." She shook her head. "I don't have men to spare… couldn't Hawke have gone missing at a better time?"

Varric shook his head. "You know her, she has to do everything at the worst possible moment… We could go to the templars for help."

"Out of the question, Varric… Meredith will not spare any due to her obsession with cracking down on the mages…"

"Then we better make up our plans in more detail… Aveline you can go back to the barracks and give commands to your men.. Varric and I will work on our best course of action for these patrols.." Fenris ran his fingers through his hair to brush it out of his face. "We should probably tell Anders and Bodhan as well… Could you do that Merrill?"

Merrill frowned at him. "I know you don't like me Fenris or what I do but I can be more helpful in this than you think…"

"Merrill, I would let you summon a demon right here if it meant getting Hawke back right now.. but we need to inform Anders and Bodhan..." He didn't know what had come over him, but he was starting to understand how mages became an abomination. He would become one now if it meant he would be able to reclaim Hawke into his life. Maybe Hawke had been right about everything up to this point.

"The elf is right, Daisy. You are faster than the both of us, Anders will be more compliant with you than with broody here, and we have to map out the city which you still get lost in."

"I do not anymore! Not since you gave me the thread." Varric smiled at her, some sweet smile Fenris had never seen before. He was enamored with Merrill, that would have at one point made him chuckle at the unlikely pair but he seemed beyond humor now. "Fine.. I will go, but you better not leave without me!"


	24. Chapter 23: Little Bird

Chapter 23: Little Bird

She had awoken naked with her arms chained above her head as she lay slumped on cold hard stone. It was a tiny, dark cell something akin to the cells she passed in that one slaver cave. Was this the same cave that she had watched Hadriana die in? She couldn't tell but she would have found it ironic and laughed if her face didn't feel raw. It felt like the whole one side of her face was bruised, and it probably was. It still felt like a moment ago that she was slammed against the floor. She lay there awkwardly as her eyes searched her surroundings, there was nothing to gather. She heard movements outside of her cell before the door opened letting torch light in. It was that elf, Fenris' sister. She could see the girl's fear in her eyes as she looked down at her. Maybe she was just embarrassed at looking at Hawke naked, but she had a feeling that this woman was the one who had taken her clothes off.

"Master, she is awake." Hawke shivered involuntarily. It disgusted her to hear someone be called master and have them mean it. She had almost broken Orana of that habit, and now what? She was going to be the one having to say master. She heard mumblings outside, too quiet for her to hear before she heard Danarius walk into her cell. She refused to look at him, she wouldn't give him that. She wouldn't give him anything he wanted.

"Quite the disobedient one, I am sorry to tell you, Hawke.. that I have dealt with much worse than you…" He was crouched over her but she didn't move an inch, she laid there like a corpse as he talked to her. "It is just that you interest me so much… and you are quiet the beauty. I can see why my little wolf fell for you. He is not yours however, and you are not his. You are mine now, little bird." He was running his fingers through her hair, inspecting her, petting her like she was a pet. "I am sure you will survive this process. You are much stronger than Fenris was, I just worry.. what if you die? Then I will be left with nothing." His hands found their way to her chin to lift her face up so he could stare into her eyes. "I will go easy on you, little bird. I will take my time and you will be my masterpiece, then when we go to Tevinter you will become my bride." She found his smile sick as she tried to look elsewhere than his eyes. "… and then… well with you, little bird.. the Champion of Kirkwall… I will take over Tevinter."

She was mistaken as to why she was naked, she thought it had been just for him to see what he was attaining… That had been part of it, but rather she was naked because he was going to carve her open like Fenris. She wondered if she would forget everything, would she become the killer Fenris had been? She couldn't find herself being obedient, even if her mind was erased. It made her sick to think of herself being his pet, being obedient to this cruel man. He was going to torture her for his own gain, to make her the thing he wanted. She wanted to tell him exactly what she thought, that Tevinter could go fuck itself, he could go fuck himself, and that she was going to rip his heart out when she was free. He must have seen the anger on her face and he laughed at her before letting go of her face.

"You will break, and you will break hard when it occurs." He stood up, turning to walk out to Variana who stood in the doorway. "We are going to go ahead with the plan, I want her moved to the main room."

"…Yes, Master… It's just… What if they find us?" She could hear the fear in Variana's voice. She hoped her friends would come but she didn't see that happening anytime soon. She had no idea where she was or how long she had been out. She could be in another country, but she found that unlikely. Danarius was a cocky man, he was probably right next to her mansion in all likeliness.

"They won't." The cell door shut and she was in darkness again. She let herself lapse into sleep until they came for her again. She had a lot of fighting ahead of her.


	25. Chapter 24: Fake Wings

Chapter 24: Art

She had remembered every excruciating second of what Danarius had done to her. She had refused to cry out but her tears betrayed her. She had remembered the taste of the leather from the gag he placed in her mouth, he had said it was because others had bitten their tongues off. She had remembered the feel of the metal chains digging into her skin as she lay sprawled on some makeshift table of stone. She felt like she was a sacrifice to the old gods rather than some test subject.

She hadn't passed out even though every nerve in her body screamed out in agony. WShe hadn't passed out even though the stone alter looked like a massacre had occurred. Well maybe that was a lie, there were hazy spots that she couldn't remember about having the lyrium poured into her skin, or all the incisions Danarius made.

It wasn't so much the hot lyrium being poured into her blood, it was the deep cuts that had to be made that bothered her the most, the way he would use a sharp little blade like he was sculpting into her skin. Her nerves seemed to die quickly when the lyrium touched them. Fenris had said that he had felt hypersensitive, but she just felt like a porcelain doll filled with fire. She burned hot with rage and lyrium.

Variana had convinced him to not cover her whole body in lyrium like her brother's, Danarius had talked to her the whole time when he saw she wasn't going to scream or pass out. Perhaps it was his way of torturing her when he saw the pain wasn't doing enough. Danarius had agreed with her concept that even a Magister shouldn't marry a woman covered in markings too close to the Dalish blood markings. So he had taken his time to perfect what he was going to do before they went to Tevinter. He said he had big plans for his artwork.

He had traced her family crest into her back, she knew the intricate markings of the Amell Crest that she had taken to calling the Hawke crest since she took over the estate. It seemed like a sick joke as he carved around her sides to have the bird's wings overlap her ribs. The only thing he said was truly necessary was her arm. He wasn't going to do both of them as Variana had the right of it, she needed to seem somewhat normal. It was hard to cover so much skin that woman left bare. The way he made it seem was that it was just some tattoo, and not a highly addictive substance in her blood. She had to admit that his cutting into her fingers was the worst part of it. She couldn't even move her fingers away from him as her body was too broken to even move. All she had was her mind and her eyes that she trained on this moment. She would remember it just so that she knew exactly why she hated him as she tore his heart out.

She was uncontrollably shaking by the end of it, and he seemed pleased by his new pet for the simple fact she hadn't passed out. It showed how strong she was. Variana seemed worried at this, that Hawke would remember everything but Danarius promised that when she closed her eyes it would all spill away from her. Who knew? Perhaps she didn't even recall anything right now. She had been dragged back to her cell where she was thrown to the floor. She guessed they didn't feel the need to chain her since she was so wounded. She resolved herself to stay awake and she did…though she would fake sleep when she heard them come in.

She could tell they thought she had no recollection, and she allowed this to occur. She allowed Variana to rub ice on her new markings while Danarius would talk about how they found her this way out on the Wounded Coast. They were going back to Tevinter and they were taking her with them since she was unable to fend for herself. They had planned their voyage for as soon as she could walk, so she allowed them to think she was weaker than she was to delay.

They had given her a black robe to wear. It was tight fitting with a slit up both sides of the dress to show her legs. The cloth burned against her skin, she felt like this was just another torture device given to her by Danarius. They had at least given her her boots back though they had tried to pawn them off as Variana's. Danarius told her to wear her hood when they left, because he didn't know exactly who her enemies were but they were horrible if they would do this to her. It was hard to contain herself on that one, but she nodded like a fool. She was even complacent as he put a tight gauntlet on her lyrium laced arm. It hurt at first, but the slowing of the blood seemed to pacify her pain slightly. She wouldn't have been that stupid of a fawn to believe that, even if they did think she was born yesterday. It wasn't hard to play stupid, that she didn't know anything. She just had to give big doe eyes at them when they asked her questions, and act like she loved Danarius for saving her from dying on the Coast.

It was enough to make her gag.

She had thought about attacking him while he went to visit her in the "room" he had made for her, if the same cell she was chained to before counted as that. It was impossible though as he had too many guards around this cave. They weren't loyal as her friends were, but they did outnumber her even if their loyalty was only to the coins Danarius paid them, so she had to buy her time. She knew that if no one showed up for her that her last chance would be when they went into Kirkwall to catch that ship to Tevinter. If that didn't work she would die trying to kill him, she wasn't going to be a slave. She would have laughed as she thought back to how she had told Anders she was no one's property, but she was in too much pain to laugh.


	26. Chapter 25: Escape

Chapter 25: It hurts

It had been a nearing a week without any sign of Hawke. Meredith was telling Aveline that at any cost to find Hawke. If even the Champion of Kirkwall was in danger then what about the common citizen? There was uproar in the streets calling for more protection as word spread through whispers that Hawke had been killed as she was walking to the Hanged Man. The stories seemed to exaggerate farther away from the truth as time went on. Some even went so far to say that is was a conspiracy by Meredith to get her only competition out of the way.

Fenris didn't care about any of this. None of her friends did. Every day they were meeting at the Hanged Man to try and come up with ways to find her. Every night they were walking the docks to try and catch Danarius as he left. Nothing seemed to work though, maybe she was dead, Meredith seemed to think so, so why shouldn't they? Their hope seemed to diminish with the days but they weren't going to stop looking for Hawke. She wouldn't stop looking for them, and even if they did stop Fenris would never stop looking for her. He wasn't going to let Danarius have her. He didn't deserve this righteous, beautiful, strong woman.

They all sat around by the docks for the third night in the row. Varric had finally gotten a tip that some magister was making a move to go back to Tevinter in the night. Danarius must have been feeling cocky after getting the Champion of Kirkwall, because he made no secret to hide it. Maybe Danarius didn't realize the outcry to reclaim Hawke. Either way they were going to have a fight on their hands, whether Hawke was alive or dead was yet to be seen. Fenris doubted Danarius would kill her, he would want to break her more than anything else. That would be what most would get Danarius off, to break the Champion of Kirkwall.

She couldn't delay any longer without it looking like she was biding her time, and Danarius was growing impatient in the current atmosphere. Apparently she wasn't the only one that disliked the cave. She was on edge as she was starting to lose her recollection of certain events. She couldn't tell if it was the pain that was slowing eating away at her, or if it was the lack of sleep. She looked like a ghoul with the bags under her eyes. Danarius acted oblivious in the least, whether he truly was she couldn't tell, but Variana had been hovering around her too much lately as they made their way into Kirkwall. She tried not to look at anything, or keep her eyes lingering on anything too long. She didn't want to seem nostalgic that this might be her last time walking these streets.

So many ways to escape had crossed her mind as she had waited to leave that cave. She thought about trying to run as soon as they left the cave and disappearing into the Wounded Coast, but that seemed far too dangerous in her current state. She had thought about jumping overboard when the boat left port. She had thought of running at the first opportunity, and seeing as that was the best option she took it. She was walking slightly behind Danarius and tried to make a break for it. She didn't get far before her body froze up. She couldn't move. It was like she had her mind but she couldn't connect it to her body, she was disconnected. She could hear Danarius' laughter though she couldn't move to look at him. It was eerie as he snapped his fingers and she turned towards him. He was holding a vial of blood, her blood in her hand.

"I thought you would try to flutter away, little bird. I wasn't sure if it was because of memories, or because you don't want to follow me to Tevinter… but I told you I have means to make you obey." He beckoned and she came back to him. "Now… we have to catch a ship." She hated blood magic. She truly hated it with her whole being. He had taken away her body from her, what else could he do?

When they reached the stairs leading to the docks he stopped the party of his hired goons, his pet elf and her, his zombie pet. She could see her friends by the boat they were supposed to board. Aveline was talking to a few guards that she had with her, Varric was telling a tale to Merrill to pass the time, and Anders and Fenris were sitting silently on crates. Fenris seemed to feel her eyes on him, and he looked up to meet her gaze. His expression seemed shocked more than anthing before it turned to anger as he saw Danarius standing next to her. She saw him turn his head to tell the others they had company. She involuntarily wrapped her arm around the crook of Danarius' as they walked down the stairs. She wondered what he would try to pull off as his guards stood back.

All her friends stood in defensive stances by the time they had gotten down to the dock. None of them had their weapons trained on her, but Danarius could make one wrong step and Bianca would say hi in an instant. Fenris seemed to be torn as he wished to pay all his attention to Danarius but his eyes kept brushing over her figure. It was almost amusing to see his anger turn to guilt as he looked at her, and then back to anger as he looked at Danarius.

"Is there a problem, Guard Captain?" Danarius was ignoring the rest of them, especially Fenris. He was addressing the only one he felt even relative to his position in the world.

"You have our friend there, we would like her back." Aveline was gritting her teeth as she said the words and Danarius just laughed at her. It was never smart to laugh at Aveline, she recalled. She had been slapped once when she had laughed at something Aveline did… but that scenario escaped her, she just remembered the overall feeling of Aveline's laugh triggering something.

"She is welcome to go back with you if she wishes. I don't think she does though."

Fenris seemed ready to lunge, he stepped forward almost growling out his words. "You are a liar, Danarius and I will kill you if you hurt one hair on her."

Danarius was chuckling. "Ah, my little wolf is quite angry I see.. but you misdirect your anger. I have done nothing to you that you did not want, the same can be said for my little bird here. Tell them, dove… they will not believe me."

"Hawke is this true?" Aveline was searching for a no, but she couldn't give her that. Her head turned towards Danarius as he swept her hood off of her head. She heard a gasp from Merrill, she guessed the huge bruise was still on her face. It didn't hurt anymore, but it must not have faded all the way. She felt exposed before everyone's eyes as she could feel him pulling her strings to make the puppet talk. All of his words spilled from her mouth in such a sincere succession she herself would have been fooled if she was not witnessing it from inside herself.

"It's true…I want to go with him to Tevinter… He saved my life from Carta… and I love him." He even moved her in to kiss him. She wished she could have retched at the event. He was smirking, looking into her eyes as her body pulled away. He could feel her hatred and it was feeding him, he was lapping it up like a house cat did warm milk.

"Then why didn't you just tell us? Why make us search for you?" She could hear the hurt in Varric's voice as her confidant was left out of this secret. "The bartender said you had been dragged out it doesn't make sense.."

"I was afraid you would judge my love. I was afraid Fenris would hurt him." He didn't allow her to move her gaze from him. He was making her look adoringly at him like some love struck sixteen year old. "… and it's true.. I was dragged out by the Carta… Variana wasn't even there when I went. They thought they would finally kill me so they had to dispatch the witnesses."

"Hawke.." One word meant so much, the pleading in Aveline's voice. "We can't let you go… if you leave it will cause chaos in the city."

She waited as she heard him formulating what to say in her mind. Her made her turn to look at Aveline , untwining herself from Danarius' arm she stood there in a slight fighting stance. "You can't stop me… and I don't care about Kirkwall… I want to start my new life." She reached out her good arm, the one he hadn't marred, towards her master. It wasn't her dominant hand but it would have to do. She saw Fenris eye this carefully, he had never seen her pick something up with her left hand rather than her right hand. Danarius complied and handed her one of her blades which she gripped as if she was herself.

They all seemed shocked by her brazen aggression towards them. They all seemed to step down, confused expect for Fenris and Merrill. Merrill was looking at her with some odd expression, was she concentrating?

"That isn't Hawke. He's using blood magic to control her." Of course her favorite blood mage would know what was going on. She was slightly upset that it had taken her this long however, she might have avoided that kiss.

Danarius was clapping next to her. "It took you long enough, but yes, she is my puppet. The thing is that you either let us pass or she fights you." She could see Fenris thinking. This was as close to his master as he would ever be, maybe he was planning to attack him… to go through Hawke with his great sword to finally get this man off his back. She didn't put it past him, Fenris hated her now. He hated her since he left, and now he only longed for her physically. He hated her ideals and what she stood for, so now he would cut her down.

He made a rush for it while everyone was still debating their options, and in a second her body was in front of Danarius. Her blade parrying his blade to push him back, to push him away from Danarius as she moved to take up a defensive stance in front of Danarius again. Danarius was laughing, Variana seemed bolted to where she stood and Danarius' guards rushed forward to take her friends out; one guard for each of her companions. She wondered if Danarius had planned it out this way from the start, he probably had.

She felt his control weaken as he summoned shades to the fight. She didn't like that the fights odds were getting less even as time went on. She saw Merrill knock Variana down as Varric shot a blot through one of their guards. She wasn't concentrating on her fight and Danarius wasn't pulling her strings as hard, it only took one opening and his blade made contact with her lyrium laced arm as she adjusted at the last second to defend herself. She felt herself lose control for a second, black out completely as the blade ripped across her skin. She saw the shock in his face as she stumbled back. He had torn right through her gauntlet, the blood that ran down was colored blue from the lyrium. She couldn't understand the look in his face as recognition dawned across him.

"Finish him, Hawke. We have things to do."All the blood loss and the lack of sleep was making it hard for her to focus her mind. If her body wasn't being controlled she felt like she would collapse into a pile of burning flesh. She felt on fire as the lyrium burned against her skin. She guessed from the blue running down her arm that it hadn't exactly hardened as much as it should have. She bit her lower lip as she backed up more, Danarius took steps back with her as he tightened his grip on her to make her stop running. His shades were fighting against her friends but they seemed to be falling, Variana wasn't getting up. She was his last hope for survival.

Fenris didn't want to fight her, he kept trying to get around her but she was also a step ahead of him in that. She always knew how Fenris fought and how Fenris thought about fighting. It was her job as an assassin to know her targets, and she had found it fun to memorize how her friends fought. She wished she hadn't know as she parried all his attacks, as she pushed him back as she went on the offensive. She almost had her knife into him but her body didn't move. Anders had shot an ice blast at her and her legs were frozen. She tried to pull free but she couldn't move. She heard Danarius panicking in her head, murmurings as he withdrew from her to fight back Merrill.

Anders' ice blast never lasted long; it only took a few seconds for it to melt as Danarius beat them back with fireballs. She looked at Fenris before turning away from him quickly, running behind Danarius like she shadow she was as he focused completely on keeping the others back. She saw him hit Merrill's mana shield directly as she stood behind him. She walked forward slowly, enjoying every step as her right arm started to glow a familiar blue. She saw them all watching as she phased her arm through Danarius' chest. She heard a gurgling sound as he tried to inhale.

"Fuck Tevinter." She squeezed down on his heart to phase her hand out of his body again. He collapsed hard onto the ground as she stepped back. She couldn't tell where her blood began and Danarius' ended. The lyrium was burning through her body it felt like, but in all related it had sealed itself over her wound that Fenris had dealt her. She could feel it shifting among her blood and she wanted to cry at it all. She wanted to sleep but she was afraid to sleep, she was afraid that she would wake up and forget everything like Danarius had said. She turned and started to walk away, she heard them shouting her name but it felt so distant.


	27. Chapter 26: Lay Me Down

Author Notes: I've been having a hard time writing the next chapter because I want to get it just right. Hopefully I have it out soon.

Chapter 26: Lay Me Down

Fenris had watched her disappear to remerge behind Danarius. He saw her glow before she dug her hand into his chest intimately. He couldn't tell if the others saw or not, they seemed a bit preoccupied but when the fireballs stopped sailing through the air they saw the culprit standing over Danarius' dead body. He felt something bitter in him as he saw her deal the death blow, like it should have been him standing there instead of her but she just stood there as still as stone as she stared at the body before turning to walk away. The other had started to rush towards her, calling her name but she seemed to not hear them. Something was off about this, the way she was walking… She had to be in a horrible amount of pain, he had tried to shut off those exact memories, but her blood… and how she killed Danarius, it was like he was staring at himself all those years ago.

He ran up to her, he was faster than the others and made better time. He saw her stumble before she was about to fall and he caught her to lay her down gently in his lap. He was cradling her body as she lay there unconscious while the others came up around them.

"She doesn't look good at all… Anders can you do something about this?" Varric was shaking his head, he had never seen the dwarf squeamish but Hawke was covered in a large amount of blood even if it wasn't all hers. This wasn't even counting how haggard she looked, and the bruise that covered half her face.

"No. Her wounds aren't bleeding… though that blood is fresh.. I think she just needs to rest honestly." Anders had crouched down and was examining her, the blood covering where he had torn the gauntlet hid the markings Fenris knew were there.

"I've never seen her this bad before…" Merrill seemed on the verge of crying as she looked down at Hawke, but Fenris didn't feel like crying as he looked at Hawke. He felt rage and shame and sorrow at this broken woman in his arms. It was all his fault she got into this mess in the first place.

"I'll just take her back to her place… Orana can clean her off…Bodhan is there to stay with her…" The whole plan seemed like a brilliant idea.. the others that swam in his head were to just take her to the Hanged Man and nurse her there or even take her to Anders hovel until she was better.

"You can't go alone, Fenris… We'll walk you back. " Aveline the guard, no one left behind. He sighed, as Aveline was right. He couldn't go alone carrying Hawke through the streets, it was such a red flag. She looked like a corpse after all in his arms. Maybe the Templars would make quick work of him though.

"Plus, I doubt she would want to wake up with just you there… and I have to admit my place is closer than hers… The place is made for the sick after all." Anders had some smart-ass tone to his voice, like he was the champion in all this. That he was right in whatever he had said to Hawke, or maybe he was just proving to Fenris that he was the better option all along.

If looks could kill, Anders would be dead. He would have maimed him if not for the fact that Hawke was in his arms. "I'm not going to take her to your sick bay."

"You can't leave her here." Fenris looked towards the voice to see his sister, the one who sold him out and hurt Hawke in the process.

"You dare to speak? I should kill you for what you've done."

"Surviving? You should kill me for surviving? Danarius promised to make me a Magister… What did you give me? You gave me freedom that was a boon." She shook her head. "I don't care what you do, Leto… but you have to take care of her." She was staring at Hawke with the same expression he had earlier, she was saddened by this broken woman. "You wanted those markings, you fought for them to get mama and I our freedom.. She? What did she do but walk into a trap set for you."

"Stop calling me that, Leto isn't my name…"He growled at his sister and everything she reminded him of. "So selling your family out is fine, but a stranger that upsets you? Don't spew your fake sympathies."

"It isn't now. You are much different now.. and when I look at you I think you got the better deal." All Variana did was shake her head to pull out a note from her pocket, and hand it to Anders. "This is a recipe for a salve that needs to go on her wounds… and I suggest ice on top of it. I watched what he did, and she stayed awake the whole time. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. You asked for it, and I could deal with that… it was your choice… but she? She was trapped like me.."She turned away from him, disappearing like all the memories he had recollected. "Goodbye, Leto. I am glad life has given you such fortunes as this woman."She turned and disappeared onto the ship that was boarded for Tevinter. Maybe she would take over Danarius' spot.. He didn't care. He wished she was dead, but then he didn't. It was his anger talking.

He lifted Hawke, cradling her in his arms like she was a invaluable treasure as he watched his sister leave. "We need to go now… I don't like touching her when I know it hurts her."

"What do you mean?" Varric piped up as Fenris started to walk Hawke back to her mansion. They were following him though he didn't want them to. He wanted to put Hawke to bed and sit there while she rested. He wanted to stay there alone with her and apologize for everything when she came to, but they would intrude on this. He knew why, they loved her. It wasn't the same way he loved her but it was enough love to wish to be by her side while she recovered.

"You heard, Variana. Hawke got what I wanted." He glowed a soft blue as he thought over that. Perhaps this was worse than Danarius killing her, maybe this was some punishment he had set for beyond the grave. He had to look at the pain he caused her, he had to watch as she went through everything he had. He wanted to run but he couldn't, he was tired of running anyways. He had always asked Hawke what one did when they stopped running, and she had just smiled at him and made a joke about him being tired. He sighed as he walked her home, letting everything sink in as they peppered him with questions, not truly understanding that Hawke and he had a connection greater than just feelings that seemed to be such an unknown quality.


	28. Chapter 27: Between You and Me

Authors Note: To the anon review, I actually did draw Hawke with these markings. I've done a lot of my Hawke artwork. If any of you want to see my fan-art I will make an album and post a link I guess. (Can I post links in these chapters?)

Love,

Newbie Author

Chapter 27: Between You and Me

He could feel her stir in his arm, and he tightened his grip so she wouldn't fall out of him arms. He didn't look down at her but he could feel her eyes on him. It was odd having Hawke so quiet while she was awake. This seemed like a perfect moment for her to give a witty retort, but the silence was engulfing. The only sound was Anders and Merrill talking about the salve. He wondered if they truly blamed him now for what had happened to Hawke as he blamed himself.

Aveline opened the door for him to her estate and he walked in hesistantly. He could hear Bodhan and Sandal talking, and he could see Orana standing by the fireplace. Orana turned and saw Hawke in his arms and smiled.

"Bodhan! The mistress is back!" He could see Orana's excitement but he could also see the small fear in her eyes at Fenris carrying her. When had Hawke ever been carried back? Fenris remembered her walking back after she had broken two ribs in a brawl over cargo holdings.

She sighed slightly in his arms as she closed her eyes. She didn't want to have to talk right now. Everything ached and stung. She would have asked to be put down, but she didn't think Fenris was going to do that the way he held her. He thought she was some broken thing, but if a Dragon couldn't break her then a human wasn't going to. She could hear Bodhan's mummers of worry, and Aveline explaining the situation to him as she was carried up the stairs. She could make out Orana's small footsteps on the stairs behind Fenris and she opened her eyes to look up at Fenris. He wasn't looking at her, and the way his face seemed so tight she knew he was blaming himself. Did she blame him?

"Tell Orana to go back downstairs." She could feel sleep trying to take her over, but she wasn't going to let it win. She knew she had been blacking out from her lack of sleep and the stress her body had been under but she wasn't going to sleep. She didn't want to lose anything.

"What?" Fenris stopped and looked down at her like he had been shocked by her voice.

"I can undress myself… and I can put myself to bed… Tell Orana to go back downstairs."

"…I don't really believe you can…"

"Then you can help me. I am quite fine."She would've shaken her head but not in the position she was in. Fenris could tell her disapproval. "Orana… Please go back downstairs…I am fine." She raised her voice past her murmuring to tell Orana to go downstairs. If Fenris wouldn't do it then she could have done it awhile ago and saved herself the conversation.

"B-but… Mistress… I was told.."

"Go to bed. It is late." She could hear Orana shift as she gave one of her little bows and went down the stairs to help Bodhan. She wondered if they would all stay here tonight. Her house was big enough though she never went past the main foyer and her room. Truth be told, she didn't feel she belonged.

Fenris scoffed at her as he walked up the rest of the way to her bedroom. He walked into her room to shut the door with one of his legs. He laid her on the bed like a fragile piece of glass, gingerly in the way she had seen him take care of his sword. . She sat up slowly, letting every limb have time to realize what she was doing. She couldn't tell if it was being in her house that made it worse, or if she just had been numb to it before. Maybe she would go into shock finally. She saw him flinch, turning to go towards her and she just smiled at him. She thought he was going to leave, and when he closed the door she was honestly confused. He had never allowed himself to truly be alone with her in such an intimate space since he got back. He seemed to always run from her. He seemed to be cornered now, but he wasn't pacing as he usually did. He was just leaning against her bedpost looking at her after he had composed himself from his first attempt to save her from herself.

"Are you worried if you leave I'll die?" She saw his face move to confusion for an instant as she stood up. She hated this outfit. She had to admit Danarius had gotten her love of black right, but this skirt was far from anything she would wear. It was impractical to fight in, and she was one for show… but it had to be practical.

"No. Just that you'll pass out again." He said it so nonchalant. It bothered her to have this man know her flaws so well.

She shrugged painfully at what he said. It was amusing to see that empty slate of a face looking at her, but she saw creases of concern in his brow as he looked at her. She thought he might cry the way he was staring at her, as his features stayed torn between guilt and anger. Did she really look that bad? "You make a good point, and you've seen it all already."

It hurt him to watch the way the grace had been taken out of her movements. She seemed heavy in her own skin now. She was stepping out of her boots carefully, slowly as if this was something she had never done before. She turned her back to him as she slid out of the skirt then with no problem. It really wasn't that attached to her. The more she thought about it, maybe he had dressed her this way so she couldn't run. She had proven him wrong on that score at least.

The silence seemed deafening as she removed the gauntlet that was meant to conceal her markings from public. It hadn't done even that score once Fenris had cut through it. It was harder to get off from the caked blood and what lyrium had crusted on it. Her wound for the most part seemed healed over by dried blood and lyrium. She inspected it to flex her fingers. She would have winced but she didn't think she could feel anymore.

"I am sorry."She had almost forgotten he was standing there as she inspected her arm in the same fashion he probably was.

"For what?"

"For those… Why didn't he do your whole body though."It sounded strained for him to talk.

She shrugged, she didn't want to explain how she was going to be a glorified sex slave. She lifted her shirt off slowly taking pains to not let it touch her markings anymore than she needed them to. She felt near her breaking point, but she couldn't give in. She heard him clench his fists as he looked on her back. She hadn't seen it truly, she just knew the outline like it was burned into her eyes. She wondered if he was going to leave now that he had seen what was done to her. She wanted him to stay, but would it be alright to say that? She had danced around with him plenty, but it seemed too fresh of a wound to let him back in again.

He hated it, but he had to admire it at the same time. It was so fitting to her, that if it wasn't forced on her he would have thought she had requested it. The birds of the crest that he had carried on that piece of fabric seemed to come to life as she raised her arms above her head to remove her shirt completely. He had known her arm was covered, but he didn't realize it was an outstretched wing of one of the birds on her crest. Danarius had always considered the lyrium markings a piece of art, but he had truly created something catered to Hawke. When she turned to lay down in the bed he saw that the markings moved forward across her ribs, like talons just under her breast. He watched her stretch out like a wounded cat as she lay face down on the bed, turning her head sideways on the pillow to stretch her marked arm above her head.

"You can leave now if you want…" It was the same type of command she said to Bodhan and Orana, a request but in a pleasant manner. He didn't want to leave truly. He wanted to stay with this injured bird and nurse her back to health. He wanted to see her fly again. He moved forward to sit on the edge of her bed.

"Must I?" She shook her head no and closed her eyes.

"I am so tired, Fenris…" She could hear the sound of defeat in her own voice. It was terrifying to face the unknown. What if she closed her eyes and forgot everything? Every time she passed out she felt like a little more was slipping away, she could feel it, she knew she was loosing something but those memories she couldn't remember.

"Then sleep… you don't have to fight sleep." She felt comforted by his voice, and she felt comforted by the fact he was near her, she shook her head again though at what he said.

"Danarius said that I would forget everything when I slept…" His jaw tightened again. He hated that man, even though he was gone he was still tormenting him by hurting this woman. He ran his fingers through his hair, looking down at her as she laid there with her eyes closed.

"You haven't forgotten yet… My memory was gone from the pain almost instantly… I don't think you have to worry. I don't even know how you're doing so fine now…I didn't let people touch me for weeks…" She opened her eyes to look at him, those icy eyes that pierced through him. They were perhaps one of his favorite features about her, but now that tears were welling up in her eyes they were the feature that most hurt him. He didn't care about her markings, they didn't bother him other than the fact he wished he could have protected her from them… He just wished she wouldn't cry.

"It's like I can't feel anymore… I know it hurts but I can't feel it. I'm already forgetting things every time I pass out… I-I don't want to forget, Fenris… I see how much it tortures you and I don't want to be like that… There have been so many things I have gone through, and I don't want to lose them… I don't want to lose the memory of my mother and brother… I wouldn't trade peace of mind to forget how they died…"

He didn't know what to say as he sat there and watched her cry. He sat shocked for a moment over how he had affected her, how much she had paid attention to him. He knew she had always cared but he had never truly realized how much. She had turned her head away, crying into her pillow over all the things she didn't want to forget, and how scared she was. He had never seen her like this. Was this what Anders saw the night that her mother had died? He would have given anything if he could have held her then as he wanted to now.

"Marian…"He said her name before he even thought about it, the name no one called her and that she had said only in passing one night to him. He saw her shift and sit up to look at him as tears rolled down her face.

"What…What did you just call me?"

"Marian.. That is your name.. Marian Hawke. Isn't it?" She could see the confusion on his face, that maybe he had gotten it wrong. She seemed struck at someone calling her that. Only her mother had called her that, she was just Hawke to her brother and sister… and to her father; he called her little Hawke which had aggravated her to no end. Yes she remembered things, so many things she was afraid to lose. She saw the way he was looking at her, afraid he had done something wrong, but he didn't do anything wrong.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. He could tell that it bothered her, that it was painful to touch him with her right arm as she flinched whenever she touched the lyrium to his skin. It felt weird to feel her lyrium against his markings, it felt like it burned. He could see the lyrium reacting to each other as it glowed faintly where their markings touched. He nuzzled his face into her neck, her black hair falling all about his face. He could feel the remnants of her tears running off her face. It was bitter-sweet, to be this intimate with her again. He wished it was over happier times. He wished his apologies weren't revolved around his fear of losing her.

"Marian.. I am so sorry.." His hands were resting on her hips, the only place he could think of touching where there wasn't markings. He remembered how it had tormented him when Hadriana had so much as poked his freshly made markings. "I never wanted it to end up like this… this mess is all my fault… I tried to push myself away because I felt I would hurt you and I ended up doing that anyways.." She felt like clay in his hands, so easily plyable as she rested her weight against his form. "I don't want to run anymore…" He moved his hands from her hips to push himself away from her a little bit, cupping her face in his hands. "…You won't have to fight anymore… If there is a future… I want to walk into it with you…" He felt daring having this goddess before him, the one he thought he had lost. All of the words that he had been so afraid to say were pouring out of his lips. The feelings he had kept pent up as he followed her around from fight to fight since he had been back, the words he had collected on his time away.

"Fenris… Just tell me why… Why did you leave?" Her eyes were imploring him as he held her there. He seemed to have entranced her, the look she always gave him. An intimate looked that implored for more, whether it was physical or just for him to speak more. How could he ever of left such a perfect woman? Why did he ever feel he didn't deserve her when she always looked at him in this way?

"I was afraid, Hawke. I was afraid of what you were offering me. I was afraid of hurting you. I was afraid of being hurt." He pressed his forehead to hers, closing his eyes as if he expected rejection. "Hawke, if you tell me to leave I will…"

"You foolish elf…"He could hear her voice choked by tears, choked by the emotion he hadn't been expected. She moved her face to kiss his lips lightly. "I was always yours… and now… I guess we have matching tattoos…"

He chuckled at her, nuzzling her face slightly before kissing her again. He had missed the way her lips tasted, the way that when he was close to her she smelled like lilacs. She smelled more like blood and lyrium now… but even that was a welcome scent as it was hers. Everything of hers was comforting… especially the fact that he was hers.


	29. Chapter 28: Medicine

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay. I won't be coming out with chapters every day due to the fact I am a full-time student again that also has a job and many, many historical documents to read.

Chapter 28:

Fenris had gone downstairs to the awaiting crowd of their friends. Anders had apparently slipped out her back door and gotten the supplies necessary to make the salve Fenris' sister had told them about. He wondered how exactly he had come so familiar with the back-root, but the key dangling from his wrist said it all. He narrowed his eyes slightly as he took the salve as Anders held it out to him.

"How did you get here and back so quick?"

Anders gave him the smile that Fenris hated the most, not a kind smile but a smile that said he knew more than Fenris did. Fenris hated it the most when Anders was either correct, which he hardly ever was, or when Anders knew something that he didn't and this was such a time. "She gave me a key awhile ago. She said it was in case the Templars started snooping around too much in Lowtown. It did ease my fears at the time."

Fenris just nodded before telling them that Hawke had regained consciousness, and explained how she said that they should all go home. He could see the looks on their faces of concern, and their want to go against what Hawke wished. He thought Varric would be the one to stand against what Hawke said, but there was something in his eyes, as he looked back at Fenris, that seemed to say he knew more than what Fenris was told to say by Hawke.

Varric sighed and shrugged his shoulders, "Can't go against what the Champion wants. I think Bodhan and Orana can take good enough care of her anyways… Plus, Fenris is right around the corner."

Aveline was shaking her head no as Anders sounded his disapproval vocally. "I think I should stay if anyone, I know more about healing and her wounds are substantial."

Fenris went to open his mouth to tell Anders to shove it, that Hawke didn't want the abomination around but Varric cut him off. "Look, Blondie, I would say by all means to stay with Hawke.. but she might kill you when she feels well enough for going against a command." Varric was grinning like a chesire cat as he turned to Fenris. "I bet she was pretty adamant even in her drowsy sleep? She is always crankiest when she's woken up.."

Anders seemed to back down at that, the way he looked seemed to suggest he had caught one of her early morning tirades. "I can come up anytime if she needs help too… I'll be sure to tell Bodhan to alert me if they need anything…" Anders took the key off of his wrist and shoved it into one of the pockets on his robes.

"Anyways, Hawke would appreciate if we drank to her at the Hanged Man tonight since she's out of commission. Fenris told us she was fine, and would that broody face ever lie to you guys?" Fenris had to admit that Varric was good. "..and if you guys don't want to drink with me and Bianca well, then I have to assume that your beds are much comfier than Hawke's floor."

They chatted even after Varric's speech that had them all agreeing that it was best to do what Hawke wanted this time, though they had gone against her wishes many a times when she was acting foolish, it seemed this time they realized that what Hawke needed most of all was her sleep. The talk focused mostly to Fenris and his knowledge on what had occurred to Hawke. Would she be the same person? Would she be able to do that glowy hand thing, as Varric put it, that Fenris did? Would she forget them? Did she remember them? His answers bordered on the vague, he truly had no idea what Hawke was capable of, what she was thinking at the moment. She had survived through something that even he had trouble coping with, and she seemed just fine as she confided her feelings to him. He had always thought her some desire demon come to haunt his waking hours and his dreams, but perhaps she was something of that fabric… something much stronger than just a mere mortal.

Fenris lingered in the living room as the others dwindled, making some excuse that he had to talk to Orana about how to take care of Hawke's injuries. They all seemed to buy it, though Anders eyes lingered on him as he left, skeptical for a good reason, and Varric seemed to knowingly smirk at Fenris. He could feel his face hotten at Varric's look, Hawke and him had always been some entity at the peripheral of everyone's view and now he felt like he was standing in the spotlight, naked before all of their friends.

As soon as they were gone he ran up the stairs to her, barely touching the stairs as he tried to get back to Hawke as fast as he could. She was sitting up expectantly, the sheets curled around her waist as she laid her lyrium laced arm in her lap, barely letting it touch anything. She crawled forward like a cat, purring at him as she sat up to wrap her good arm loosely around his neck. He could feel her fingers trace down the back of his neck before she relaxed to press her face close to his. He could see how tired she was now that she was so close to him. He had never truly realized how worn she looked, or perhaps he had ignored it, hoping it was a figment of his imagination.

"I see you've brought me a present from Anders.. What is it? Another one of his dream tonics?" She could tell from the bottle that was used, she had given Anders his whole supply as a present to help his clinic move along. She wondered if he used this specific bottle on purpose, but it all felt so hazy as she teetered between reality and the dream world that was trying to engulf her. She could see the concern in Fenris' eyes, such pretty eyes too. Isabella had pointed that out to her one day. Why was that important now?

He could see the wheels turning in her mind as he stared back at her. "Variana gave him the recipe… I don't truly know what it is, and Anders didn't really explain it to me." She saw lines crease slightly in his perfect skin, she wanted to smudge them out with her thumb. Even now that feud persisted in her life, each wanting more than the other in anything.

"It's a numbing agent then." She pecked Fenris lightly on the lips before sitting back down where she was before. "She applied it to me after I awoke and complained about the pain… Danarius tried to tell me he had found me like this…" He saw her eyes glaze over for a moment in memory before she shook her head. He wanted to poke and prod to hear exactly what happened but he held his tongue as she reached out her hand for the salve.

He shook his head and sat down next to her, that white hair falling into his face. She wondered if her hair would turn that color. It was obvious that his hair was naturally a black color. She didn't think she could pull off the white quite the same way that Fenris did. "I can do it for you."

She chuckled dryly. "I would not suggest doing it. You'll ruin your gloves, and bare hands is not an option… I can do it just fine."

He leaned into her and she could feel herself flush. "You said you were tired of fighting… then stop fighting me." His voice was husky in her ear, and the feeling of his breath on her neck made goosebumps crawl across her skin. It was odd to be this close to him. It hadn't occurred much other than the time he left. It was just dancing near the edges of each other's comfort with small touches and occasional glances, maybe teasing and off-hand flirtation. She had loved her tutoring sessions with him for the closeness it had awarded her to him, and she had loved her late-night drinking at his place for the words they had shared.

She merely nodded her head in compliance, feeling her voice would betray her. The pain was searing but she wanted him. She could see his conflict of having her naked in front of him but the need to restrain himself because of her pain. She wondered if he knew she was in the same position, and now it all seemed to make sense how terrified he had been of their first encounter. She grabbed her hair, wrapping it around her hand to hold it up against the back of her head, away from her skin as she turned her back to him.

"If that is what you want."She had done a lot of things she thought he had wanted before, the way that she had convinced mages to go back to the Circle, the way she had targeted slavers directly… It gave her pleasure to do these things because they were ultimately for him. It was odd listening to him though, it had always been her commands that he followed.

She tensed as the salve hit her skin. It was terrifyingly cold, and the numb sensation made her wonder if her skin was there anymore. She felt every nerve was on its end, ready to break as it screamed in agony as she felt his fingers run over her form to be replaced with an empty feeling where all the pain used to be. She would never truly show her pain, she never had. She had cried few times in her life, she hadn't even cried at her brother's death… She had just smiled through the agony and pulled everyone else together. She had even smiled after the Arishok had broken a few of her ribs. She didn't feel like smiling now, but she didn't feel like crying either.

"Will you stay with me?" Her voice sounded more feeble to her than she ever wanted to let on. She felt her barriers break down around him; he had always been under her skin. She had always been open to him. "I don't want to be alone…"

"I will stay with you, Marian…" He seemed engulfed in covering every inch of her raw skin.

"If I forget, will you remind me?"

"Of course." He slide his hand down her arm, covering it completely in a thin layer of the salve. His eyes caught hers and he could truly see the fear she was holding back. Marian was such a different person from Hawke. She was such a vulnerable person. He had always seen this side of her, why had he never called her by what she was? Hawke was his leader. Marian was his world, and it crushed him to see her like this. He wouldn't run away anymore. He would never run from this again.


	30. Chapter 29: Dawn

Chapter 29:

She had curled up to him like a kitten. He would have thought she would purr as he ran his fingers through her hair, but she just collapsed like putty and slept so soundly he thought her comatose. He couldn't truly sleep; afraid he might touch one of her markings by accident. He had just lain awake while she lay motionless next to him.

Was this the only time Hawke was capable of being peaceful, when she slept? She did always seem to be fighting; fighting for attention, fighting for justice, fighting for love… It could be any of them. He would love to see her put down her sword now that his was down. They could start a life like Hawke had said. He was done running; he would wait until she was done fighting. She had already said she was tired of it, done with it… He would be besides her whatever she needed to stop the fighting. Perhaps one day they could have a normal life with a house in some distant land where no one would call on them to fight their battles. It was idealistic but he would love nothing more than that. He hated to dream, all his ideal situations had been destroyed one way or another, but being with Hawke allowed him hope. It allowed all of their friends hope for peace, or money, or justice…

He watched the sun rise through her balcony shutters, and he felt her shift away from the sunlight, and consequentially away from him. She sighed softly in her half-sleep, and he took the moment to slide his legs over the side of the bed, stretching his legs out to just sit there, looking back at her. He wouldn't dare getting up or leaving, she had made it quite clear how much that had upset her when he did it the last time, even though his intentions were more than noble. He still couldn't believe that everything he had ever searched for seemed to fall into Hawke's lap.. peace, love, a home… Danarius. He scoured for a year to find the man, and Danarius appeared when he was back with Hawke in a few days time. It hadn't ended the way he wanted at all, but he had to admit he figured it would have occurred. Hawke brought destruction and chaos to her, so why wouldn't Danarius appear?

He rubbed his eyes to brush his hair back from his face with a sigh. He would give anything to turn the time back and not reappear, he wanted nothing more than to be with her now, but if he hadn't of shown, Hawke would be whole still.

Immersed in his thoughts he didn't feel her move. Her bosom was pressed against his bare back as her arms drapped around his neck, her nails lightly brushing his chest. Her hair was mussy, still wrecked from her sleep, and it tickled his shoulders as her lips kissed just below his ear. He shivered to look out of the corner of his eye at her.

"I guess you remember me…"He chuckled, his voice husky in this early morning. It hurt to touch him with her arm but she ignored the pain, she had a high threshold still.

She ran her tongue up his ear slowly before answering, giving a smirk when he closed his eyes. "I believe you are Fenris… The hair is a dead giveaway… unless you are some other white haired elf with lyrium marking. I do have to admit I am enjoying this shirtlessness."

He turned his face to hers, his eyes looking down at her chest a second before meeting her eyes. "As am I."

"Is this what you always wear to bed? Your pants and nothing else?" She left her lips temptingly close to his as she talked to him. He smirked at her, and she laughed. "Oooh… How very modest of you to keep pants on in my presence then.."

"You are quite devilish. I thought it would take you longer than a night's rest to recover. Why are you up anyways? I don't think Anders would approve of you moving so quickly."

She rolled her eyes to sit back wrapping her legs around his waist. His hands ran down her thighs to rest just above her knees. "I don't truly listen to Anders' advice. He is well enough as a doctor but I know my limits…"

"I think you pushed past your limits." He cracked his neck slightly as he talked, looking ahead to the balcony rather than to her.

"Yes, well… it is time to show Kirkwall that I am not dead." He turned his body to look at her, narrowing his eyes.

"You hadn't slept in over a week… you were tortured and now you are in extreme pain and you are going to traipse around Kirkwall like nothing occurred?"

She smirked at him, that cunning woman named Hawke was sitting before him, Marian was gone again. "I wouldn't quite say trampsing around Kirkwall… I never traipse anywhere… I am going to visit Aveline today, that is all and the others of course…"

"How convenient, what you are truly doing is showing Meredith you are alive. What are you really plotting, Hawke?"

She seemed to become more joyous at his question. "No one ever asks me that… I plan to overthrow Meredith. Her rule has been bloody to the mages. She holds Bethany over my head and makes me her lap dog. So that is why I have been hanging out with nobles, to garner their votes." She leaned closer to him, a smile across her face where that smirk once was. "It's actually working, though my family is tainted by magic." There was a bit of venom when she said tainted, and it didn't miss his ears. He couldn't tell if that was a jab at him, or something else. He had to admit he was wrong about Bethany, she was sweet and nice… but he still didn't feel comfortable saying that magic wasn't a taint. Hawke's life would have been so much easier and filled with less pain if Bethany had been born a normal human.

"I don't think they will be keen on you when they find out that you have an interest in me… An escaped slave that happens to be an elf.."

She giggled at him, truly giggled. He stared in shock at her while she laid back to laugh a little bit before collecting herself. "That's the best part… I truly don't care if I become Viscount… I would hate to be Viscount.. Me? Ruling a city? No, I just want Meredith gone… plus it will be quite a shock to the nobles that one of their own loves an elven slave."

"So you want to bring Kirkwall down? That's what I'm getting. You want to shake everything up for your own amusement."

Her face scrunched in dislike at his words. "No. I am not cruel. I just want Meredith gone. I want the nobles to stop offering me their sons as sacrifices. I just truly want to protect Bethany. I would tear down this city for her." She untwined herself from him to get out of bed, brokering no more discussion. "You wouldn't understand… You sacrificed yourself for Variana's freedom. You might have forgotten, but you once did what I would do for Bethany."

He blinked at her. 'What are you talking about?"

"Variana talked to me when I was captured. Perhaps she hadn't talked to another woman in awhile, or she knew I was close to you." Hawke shrugged as she looked through her wardrobe. "She told me all about how you fought to prove yourself to Danarius so that your mother and she could get their freedom. So technically, you wanted your markings…"

He watched, struck by what she had just said. Variana had said something similar at the docks but he didn't quite put two and two together. He shook his head , looking back to her as she took that outfit out she had said was what signified her as the champion. "I don't believe that."

"Variana wasn't that horrible… She had a soul, she just wanted to survive. Danarius made her second in command after you killed Hadriana." She threw the clothes onto the bed as she walked into the adjoining bathroom. "I would have taken that deal if it was that or prostitution."

He clenched his fists in his lap, looking down as he processed all of what Hawke said. How could this all of happened and he not know about any of it? How had he been so full of hatred to Variana when he knew nothing about her life? Sure, she had betrayed him… If he had sacrificed himself for her freedom, then why was she so unappreciative? All he had wanted was freedom, but it seemed they were two separate entities. Variana wanted comfort, not freedom.

Hawke walked back out of the bathroom in that robe he had seen her wear the morning he had come to ask her help. She went to the door, opened it and called to Orana for bathwater, making sure to tell Orana to make it cold. She peeked back in at Fenris, her gaze meeting his with concern written all over her face. "I am sorry if what I said upset you… I just figured you should know."

Fenris shook his head and swallowed the lump of hatred in his throat. He choked out his words before composing himself. "No you're right… I should have known… I would have killed her if not for you in my arms.."

Hawke frowned at him disapprovingly in the same way she had looked at him after he had killed Hadriana. "I am glad you didn't. Do you want breakfast? Bodhan can make you something?"

He wanted to leave and go hide in his mansion the way he always did when things were eating at him; the solitude helped clear his mind, and his mansion looked the way his mind felt sometimes… a wreck. He didn't want to leave, however, because he wanted to stay by her side today. He wanted to be the protector he said he would be to her. He was done running.

"Yeah… I guess." He stood up to slip his clothes back on.

"It will be much more interesting than sitting here while I bathe." She was smiling at him again. He slid his gauntlets back on to kiss his cheek as he walked past her to go down to the kitchen.

"If you need me just call."

"I know…" She touched his back lightly before turning and walking back into her room.

He watched her for a moment before leaving the doorway to go downstairs. He had always wondered about her, but now that he knew her plans he was less than happy about her desire to do anything for Bethany. If it came down to it, he'd do anything for Hawke, so he understood the feelings; he just wished she didn't put herself in such danger.


	31. Chapter 30: The Chantry

Author's Note: I am so sorry for the delay in my writing. I am trying to finish the story but I am quite busy at college. These updates will be sporadic, but I am trying not to rush them.

Chapter 30:

He sat chewing a piece of bread as she came down. She seemed much more composed after her bath. It seemed like she had never been gone, or that she had slept forever. There wasn't anything about her that would cause grief to anyone, except him. He knew every movement, every stance she had and she was much too tense for his liking. He could tell she was in pain, but she was hiding it well. He thought the others would be fooled by it.

"Time to tackle Kirkwall." He swallowed the last bit of his food, thanked Bodhan and followed Hawke out as she grabbed her swords on her way out and easily put them by her side. It was odd to see her right arm fully wrapped in black bandages. She flexed it occasionally, showing Fenris that it still bothered her. He could smell the scent of the medicine under her rich scent of lavender. He wanted to tell her to go back to bed, but Hawke wouldn't listen to him.

She had walked in an eerie silence on the way to Aveline. He had never heard her so silent, she even talked in her sleep sometimes. He didn't dare broach a subject, as she seemed to be so engulfed in something. People were staring as she walked through Hightown, Fenris could see that they were debating about talking to her, some even walked closer but when they saw Fenris they backed off. He wondered if she was taking a mark out of Danarius' book. He had told her how people were often afraid of his markings, and Hawke had seen how Fenris had used that to his benefit… now she was using it. He knew she was calculating every step she took through Hightown today.

Aveline had been as surprised as Fenris had about Hawke being up and about today. She expressed much more concern than Fenris did, as Aveline seemed to have taken over the role of mother to Hawke. Hawke was all smiles as she put down Aveline's worries.

"Meredith said that when you surfaced she wanted to see you." Aveline had crossed her arms other her chest, not truly wanting to share this information with Hawke. What exactly had he missed that caused this animosity between Meredith and Hawke? Hawke had for the longest time allowed abuses to the mages to a large part, but she had always interfered when a mage's life was in danger. Was Meredith that much of a threat to mages? Fenris never felt that Hawke's lack of sympathy to the mage cause was because she didn't believe in it, but rather she wanted to distance herself from such a volatile situation. Hawke would run into a dragon's den, but she wouldn't stroke the flames of the mage versus templar debate. He remembered how rigid she would get when Anders would mention the plight of mages, how she bristled at the slightest mention that she wasn't doing enough…That was probably the true reason of the distant between her and Anders. Perhaps he had it all wrong though, he felt he knew her and he felt he didn't. Even after all this time she still held secrets.

Hawke narrowed her eyes at what Aveline said. "Now the Captain of the Guard is her messenger? That is quite presumptuous to make you her errand boy." Hawke shrugged it off though as she always seemed to do. "I will go from here then. I would prefer if you came with me but I understand you have other business."

Aveline tilted her head at Hawke for a moment before nodding. "I think it would be best… I might have to restrain you. Last time you went and saw her I thought the Templars were going to kill you."

"It is not my fault that my compliment sounded mildly like a threat.." Hawke held a firm smile on her face as she answered Aveline, almost as if she was gloating.

"You said… and I quote, 'I would love to rip your heart out, but I doubt it exists." Aveline was frowning at Hawke, but Hawke seemed to not care about her displeasure. She seemed slightly amused that Aveline remembered it so precisely. "Why in the name of the Maker would you say that to Meredith?"

"She said something about my mother. Let's go before I change my mind." Hawke turned and walked out right past Fenris. Fenris looked at Aveline who sighed and grabbed her sword and shield. Fenris followed slightly wary of the situation now. What had he gotten himself into?

"You know she is much less caring since her mother died. I don't truly blame her, but she wants vengeance for what occurred… She blames Kirkwall, and she blames herself. I don't think she is wrong, but I wish she would realize that her hatred won't save anyone."

Fenris shook his head. "No… I don't think it's that. I think she wants to protect everyone more now… She wants retribution to Meredith for what she's done… but that is a separate matter."

"Perhaps you are right. I would much rather see the old Hawke back. She is much too cold now."

Fenris didn't see that side except when she was out of her mansion. Perhaps he was the only one seeing past her barriers now that her mother was gone. He remembered visiting her mansion for reading lessons, and how Hawke had been so open and warm to her mother. How most of the time when he had come over she was sitting listen to a tale her mother was saying, or how she was just sitting there with her. He could only imagine how her whole family had been. She refused to talk about Carver even with him, so all he could picture was Bethany, Hawke and their mother. It was a happy picture though pieces were missing, one that blood magic had shattered.

"I don't blame her for how she acts… I would be bitter too." Hawke looked back at them, ending their conversation the rest of the way.

Hawke stopped abruptly though. Her eyes narrow as she looked at the large crowd forming in front of the Chantry. He thought he heard her curse under her breath as she pushed through the crowd that all but cleared a path when they saw it was her. Fenris and Aveline followed through the gap a slight distance behind her to see the spectacle before them. The First Enchanter was arguing with Meredith again. It seemed more like begging, however. He saw them stop to regard Hawke; Meredith in a hostile manner while Orsino seemed to welcome her sight.

"This does not involve you, Champion." Meredith was seething as she stared at Hawke who seemed less than interested.

"You wanted to see me today anyways, it just seems I wasn't at your convenience." Hawke was looking between them. "If you both continue in this manner people will start to talk."

"How dare you get that tone of voice with me, you wretched, social climber! I have done everything to protect the people of this city time and again."Meredith seemed to whirl away from Hawke back to Orsino. "What I have done is protect you mages from your curse and your stupidity. I will not lower the guard, I dare not."

"You can't keep pressing the mages like this." Hawke was getting in Meredith's face. She was becoming volatile as she pushed back at Meredith who was already past Hawke's tolerance. Aveline had been right to want to come.

Aveline moved forward, pulling Hawke away from Meredith for Hawke to curse at Aveline and push her off. She crossed her arms watching Meredith as she backed down and transformed to someone who seemed passive. Hawke had never said that Meredith didn't care, that she was just misguided, too paranoid.

"What other option do we have? Should we look the other way? Tell the poor victims of a possessed mage that we meant no harm? Tell me, Champion, that you have not seen with your own eyes what they can do, heard the lies of mages that seek power?" Meredith seemed on the verge of tears, or some breakdown as Hawke started to pace.

Fenris had to admit that he agreed with Meredith. How many times had he seen the horrors of blood magic traveling with Hawke? How many times had a mage turned on Hawke when she was trying to help them? How many times had Hawke herself been injured by mages, not enough grazing the subject of what mages had done to him. He stayed silent through as she formed her next words. Hawke seemed beyond agitated as she formed her next words, trying to draw time out until the grand cleric appeared.

"They are not all like that. You will condemn them all for the actions of a few." Hawke seemed to have composed herself as she faced Meredith again. He could see she didn't like not being in control of the situation, not knowing where it was going.

"You will cast us all as villains, but it is not so!" Orsino screamed up, wanting to not be lost in the banter between Meredith and Hawke.

"I know and it breaks my heart to do it, but we must be vigilant. If you have no other way than do not blame me a tyrant."

"I will not stand by and watch you treat all mages like criminals while those who will lead us bow to their Templar jailors…" Anders had appeared from the crowd. Hawke seemed like she had been struck by his voice.

"How dare y-" It was getting chaotic as Orsino moved towards Anders. Fenris didn't know what to do as he watched Hawke place herself between the two. Why was she protecting Anders?

"The Circle has failed us, Orsino.. Even you should be able to see us. The time has come to act. There can be no half measures."

"Anders… What have you done" He could see the shock on Hawke's face at his words. He could see the recognition on her face as she realized something none of them could have foresaw.

"There can be no turning back…"

The ground started to shake violently as the sky darkened. Fenris was looking between all of them, his eyes fixed on Hawke as she stared back at him in horror. She turned to make a run for the Chantry, to stop whatever was going to strike but Anders grabbed her, pulling her back as she thrashed against him.

It seemed the world was rushing past as the beam of red light struck through the Chantry, sending it to pieces. It seemed to collect in the sky before exploding and sending chunks and a wave of soot across Kirkwall that turned everything black or a moment. Hell had opened and sucked the Chantry into the abyss.

His eyes adjusted to see Hawke shove Anders back as he loosened his grip on her. She was stumbling away as she seemed to distance herself from the situation. Fire was raining down from the sky around them.

Orsino was the first to turn on Anders. They all seemed defeated, the great three of Kirkwall: Hawke, Meredith and Orisino. "Why… Why would you do such a thing? You've doomed us all." It was easy to almost forget how close all three were to the Grand Cleric. The tears seemed to be stuck in Orsino's voice, there was no rage… just defeat.

"There can be no peace. I removed the chance of compromise, because there is no compromise. It was either this, or die slowly. I would rather die fighting than die a slow death." Even Anders, the monster, seemed sorry for his actions.

"The Grand Cleric… the Chantry… All destroyed by magic."It seemed Meredith was on the verge of something akin to sorrow, but her heart seemed to strike to flame again as the rage took over. "As Knight-commander of Kirkwall, I hereby invoke the Right of Annulment. Every mage in the Circle is to be executed—immediately."

"The Circle didn't even do this! Champion, you can't let her! Help us stop this madness!" Orisino wasn't looking just to Hawke but to the whole crowd, pleading for peace.

"And I demand you stand with us! Even you must see this outrage cannot be tolerated." Meredith dripped hatred at the word you. Even Hawke, the one who stood for justice had to see that the mages weren't just in this.

She just stood with her back to them, staring at the hole that once was the Chantry. They were all bombarding her with their opinions on the situation. What Hawke should do, what was just of Hawke to do. She knew justice, and this wasn't justice. She had always questioned why that spirit was still around after Anders had her help him acquire those ingredients. She hadn't thought to ask him about it as it seemed rude. Anders would have told her in time. It all fell into pieces as she stood here, with bits of the Chantry falling through the sky like snowflakes.

All their words were deaf onto her ears as she covered her face with her hands, taking in a deep breath to collect herself. Merrill said "We have to side with the mages, how could we let them die?" Aveline said "We have to side with the Templars to stop the chaos." Varric said he was tired of the situation. Fenris kept oddly silent, the only one who understood her mind. She was completely out of her element here. She couldn't broker peace. The citizens would want blood. She just didn't want that blood to be innocent blood. She would bring down all of Kirkwall to protect Bethany, and it seemed that was what had to happen.

"It can't be stopped now. You have to choose." How dare Anders even say that. How dare he tell Hawke to choose when he put her in this situation. She turned her gaze in a slow, deliberate motion to look at Anders. He seemed to shrink at her gaze, seemed to become engulf in repetence and sorrow.

"Was this your plan all along? You made me distract her so you could kill her." She closed her eyes, not even wanting to look at Anders.

"I didn't want to make you an accomplice. Your sense of honor would have made you stop me, but this couldn't have been stopped." He was trying to move towards her but she kept her distance from him, one step away for every step he made towards her. Anders seemed to get the hint and folded into himself.

"You have done something horrible, Anders… but I won't see any more innocents killed because of your actions." Hawke's eyes shifted from Anders to Meredith. She had the gaze she did when she stood before the Arishok. Hawke wasn't going to back down now, she never backed down. "I won't see all of the mages killed because you deem it necessary to appease the masses."

"You have made a foolish decision, Champion." Meredith turned to walk away, giving the order that she would rally the troops, and for the few Templars with her to take care of Hawke. Orsino made rushed commands to the mages to get to the gallows as Hawke slowly took her blades off her back.


	32. Chapter 31: Chaos

Chapter 31:

Her right hand shook as she gripped her dagger tightly. None of them could see her face except Anders, and he seemed to be wearing a pained expression. "I do not expect any of you to follow me. I will not ask this of you." She straightened her shoulders though her grip on her blades did not ease up.

Merrill stepped forward slowly, Varric following at her heels. Aveline seemed torn as she looked at Hawke. "Hawke, you cannot be serious. You are going against the Templers. It is suicide." Aveline's voice seemed disturbed, but maybe that was fear. Fenris could not tell.

"I will go down protecting the mages. They are innocent. If anything Anders should be dragged through the town by horses until he dies, not these people." Anders did not flinch, he seemed to accept her statement.

"I will not protect those filthy mages." Words fell out of his mouth before he even registered them. He saw her tense and turn her cold blue eyes towards him. She seemed crazed, or dazed. It looked like she was going to cry as she ripped throats open. "I cannot do that."

"Then I will see you on the battlefield." She started to walk off towards the gallows without a second glance. The others stood dazed at the confrontation. They had all thought there was something more between the broody elf and the champion, and there was, but he couldn't change his views, he could not follow Hawke to save these filthy mages. He bit his lower lip as he watched her leave, he wanted to run after her but these wounds they ran too deep. The fact she wanted to protect the people that left her with marks like him.

Varric patted him on the arm. "It was nice knowing you…" Even Aveline was following her, the captain of the guard turning on her town to follow this champion. He turned and walked towards where Meredith had left. He would kill her before he saw her destroyed by these mages. That is what love was, love was a dagger through the heart. It was doing anything for the person you loved, even if that something was against their wishes.

Varric had never seen her cut through people so ruthlessly. She kept ahead of them at all times, taking down the Templars before they had even known what was going on. She even had to cut down mages that had sacrificed themselves to demons because of fear. What a mess this had all turned out, and it was all because of that stupid mage. He wished he had never arranged for those two to meet. No one could have seen this outcome though, not even him with his great penchant for stories.

He could see Hawke was in pain, but she wouldn't let Merrill touch her. The boat ride was silent and cold. They all seemed resigned to follow Hawke to the end, but what was that end? It seemed like death. Why couldn't he have continued to get drunk in a pub, rather than get entangled with this raven haired maniac?

"Are you sure about this, Hawke?" Aveline's voice seemed like a whisper as they crossed through the foggy night, or perhaps it was smoke from the burning buildings.

Hawke was unraveling the bandages that covered her arm letting those markings show. Her champion raiment was already drenched in blood. She flexed her fingers, letting the silence draw on before she looked ahead as the boat docked. "The question is are you?"

The courtyard was a scene of gruesome violence, apprentices and fledging mages cut down as Templers laughed over it. Hawke sprang into action cutting them down unaware as Aveline rushed forward after her. Merrill was casting blood magic, which did not seem like such of a problem with all the blood around. It was unbearable, the smells and the images. Varric pushed this to the back of his mind as he shot a few Templers down. He wasn't keeping up with Hawke today, that was for sure. He slightly wondered where Anders had gone, he was sure the mage would have followed but he guessed Hawke's words had told him to scram, if that was the case Anders had it lucky.

Hawke made her way through the courtyard like a panther, stalking her prey in a mechanically swift manner. Orsino met them at the stairs with Bethany at his side. Bethany ran down hugging her sister tightly.

"I did not think you would come, sister… I was sure you would just leave."Bethany was trembling as her sister stood rigid as a stone.

"You know I would burn down Kirkwall for you… Why on Earth would I leave you after all of this anyways?" A false smile played across Hawke's lips, a comforting touching to her sister who smiled back weakly and released her hug.

"Where is Fenris..? and… Anders?" Hawke shook her head at her sister, leaving that as the answer.

"We need to make preparations, Hawke. We cannot best them." Orsino seemed worried, perhaps fearful as he sought Hawke's advice.

"If we hold up inside they won't be able to best us. We would have the advantage, and they do not have the equipment to bring this tower down." Hawke walked past Orsino for Bethany and him to follow. "I am hoping that if we hold out they will make negotiations…"

"The time for compromise is over, Hawke. You have seen what they have done!"

Hawke stopped, shrugging at what he said. "And they have seen what you are capable of… Anders has made them fear what they already feared. We are on even ground." Varric could tell Hawke did not believe that, what was Hawke trying to do? "We will stand our ground, let them come to us. Lock the gates and get everyone inside. We will delay them."

"You are a fool, Hawke, and one of them." Orsino had stepped in front of Hawke. She wore a stoned expression as he raised his staff, rallying those about him to hear him. "She is one of them, she will have us die to them to save her own hide! The time for peace is over, Hawke. We must destroy them. I will not wait for her to kill me. Meredith expects blood magic then I will give it to her!"

Varric saw Hawke draw her blades as Orsino started to summon the corpses around him. She rushed forward plunging her blades into his heart to stop what was coming. She was blown back as her daggers made contact, sliding like a ragdoll across the floor.

It seemed they all screamed Hawke in unison as she rose back to her feet. "WHEN WILL THEY LEARN." She seemed to growl as she faced the monstrosity that was once Orsino. "They all think this is the way out, that blood magic will save them. Yes, do what they wanted you to do you weak excuse for a living being."

Merrill shot her with a wave of healing as she grabbed her swords from the ground to rush forward, Aveline by her side. Varric was peppering the beast with arrows as it turned to attack Hawke. She was too quick this time, quickly digging her blades in to dive away. Varric had forgotten how quick she was.

They all fell back drenched in blood as Templers rushed in. They were out of breath and panting but Hawke pointed one of her blades to them. "One step closer and you'll be like him…"

They froze, and Hawke laughed. She laughed at all of it and how all her work had come to fruition.


	33. Chapter 32: Vilify

The Templers fell mercilessly to Bethany and Merrill's magic after Hawke had signaled them with the tilt of her head. It was cruel, to not even allow them to defend themselves, even if they were the enemy. Varric knew the look those Templers saw before they died and it chilled him to the bone, it was the cruel smirk that Hawke wore like a predator. She was laughing at them with her eyes as they fell, he knew that. Maybe Hawke was tired, that this was why she did not wait for them to attack, or even give them warning. Maybe Varric was just trying to justify why Hawke now seemed to be so vicious. Maybe Varric had just grown too accustomed to the cynical Hawke that snapped jokes at the nobility and laughed over ale. Hawke had reason enough to be vicious, but it seemed like the Champion of Kirkwall was being stripped before his eyes as she started to walk to the outside with the Circle burning at her back.

The air was heavy with the Circle's cinders just like the rest of Kirkwall was drenched in the remnants of the Chantry. They had reached the staircase leading down when Hawke stood frozen in place. He had never seen her so still, not even when she was carrying out an assassination. The group's eyes fell to where Hawke's sharp blue eyes were staring. Fenris. His voice was wafting through the courtyard as he walked with three Templers.

"Look at them. Backed into a corner, they show their true colors." Fenris knew Hawke was there all along as his eyes met hers, his face contorted by some mixture of hatred and disgust. "Why you're defending them, I'll never know. This is an old story that always ends the same way."

Varric could see Hawke's hands trembling before she clenched her swords tight to walk down the stairs. "You of all people should know what it means to be a slave." Her voice was dripping venom.

"You have never been to the Imperium. There, the mages spit on us. They keep people like me as pets. You think I won't fight to stop that from happening here? Think again."

"I see why you always think the worst of people, but they are slaughtering these mages like cattle… What would you have done in my shoes, Fenris?"

Fenris scoffed, looking away for an instant before meeting Hawke's gaze. She seemed frustrated, and tired. Even more she seemed alone though she was surrounded by all of her friends, all of his friends. He could not back down; he could not support her in this. If he had to kill her to stop the Imperium from spreading, he would do that. He would do anything to stop the Imperium. "You die or I die. Either way the story's done, Champion."

There was a heavy silence. Fenris seemed to have spoken the words with such conviction, but his nerves seemed to betray him as Hawke gripped her swords. No one survived Hawke. The Arishok fell before her. High Dragons fell before her.

"What are you two doing? You care about each other." Varric screamed out from behind Hawke. Perhaps this was the only voice of reason on that night, but it seemed drowned out by what had already been said.

"You heard him, Varric. It is me or him. Fenris does not change his mind." Hawke was starting to circle slowly, sliding her heeled boots across the stones to make a scraping sound. Varric remembered her toying with her victims like this. Was she going to make him suffer like the mercenaries on the coast? Like the blood mages?

Hawke slid past the Templers who rushed at her. The others were torn away from Hawke and Fenris as the Templers focused on them. Apparently even they feared the Champion of Kirkwall.

Fenris brought his blade down at what he thought was the perfect moment to catch Hawke, but it was met with the smokescreen she often used to confuse her foes. He swiped his sword around to his back to be met with a clash of her swords. She wasn't playing, she was trying to kill him.

"Does it feel weird to use that sword against me when I gave it to you?" She kicked Fenris away to hop back into a defensive position as she circled him again.

"If you would lay down this ridiculous cause I would lay down my sword." He rushed at her to only be met with the sparks as her swords slid his away. She was dancing, toying with him. It was infuriating him, making the blood rush to his face. Fenris was already seething that Hawke would betray him in this manner, choose the mages over him, but now this slight against him…to toy with him.

"I will not let my sister die because you fear mages." The smokescreen again as she disappeared behind him. Fenris knew all her moves, there was nothing she had that he hadn't seen and memorized.

"This isn't even about saving the mages; it is just about saving Bethany? How selfish are you to plunge a city into chaos because of your love for you sister?" He swung around meeting her blades again for her to push him back with her blades. She wasn't afraid of him, even as his arm started to glow. "Why not just run? Run like you always have"

She stared at his arm to move as he went for her chest. She swung one of her blades out slashing his other arm as she rolled away. There was something colder in her eyes, recognition that this was not practice in her courtyard. There was no high noon sun above them, no drinks set out on the table to cool off. Hawke knew Fenris was serious, but she could not give up, not now. Hawke was not about to have her heart ripped out like Danarius' second in command.

"Someone told me that there is a time to stop running. If I run I let these people die. If I run what do I have?" Maybe it was the smoke making her eyes water, the soot in the air as they stood defensively, circling each other. Fenris was seeing her clearly as the smokescreen was dissipating, she was tired. She was wounded. She was weak. Hawke was weak to him. Hawke was weak willed to him for this choice of hers. The Champion of Kirkwall was not something to fear.

"Me." The word fell creating the shock expression on Hawke's face he loved, if any other time he would have chuckled at her, but the tears falling down her face made him remember the night her mother died. Hawke had let a lot of things fall off of her skin like water, but he seemed to be piercing her more than any weapon could. Why had Hawke always allowed him in so deep while she kept others at an arm's length?

"You will not sacrifice your beliefs for me. I will not sacrifice these people for you." Her face was contorted; her face was contorted the same way when she had watched the Arishok decapitate Dumar.

Fenris was rushing at her before she had time to collect herself. Perhaps she would allow him to kill her… that would be the end of this chaos. She would get to sleep, rest with her parents and Carver. That would leave Bethany alone though. She couldn't leave Bethany alone. She brought her swords up in a flash driving them forward. His blade made contact with her side as she drove her swords into his chest.

Recognition and horror merged in such a quick instance she could not grasp them. Blood was spilling over her hands. He was choking on it, as he dropped his sword to reach for her swords. His hands gripped at her blades. All of his weight was on her. They slid down together. Did she speak? The words seemed mumbled incoherence. There was so much blood.


	34. Chapter 33: A Breath Exhaled

No one moved. No one had moved the entire fight. They had just watched like accomplices as Hawke's sanity ebbed away with each spark between blades. She was crumpled over Fenris, her arm shaking as she attempted to hold herself up. It seemed like hours sped by as Hawke mumbled incoherence as blood pooled around her body. It was obvious where Fenris had gashed her, it was deep and nasty. Varric had always joked about Fenris' sword, but he knew it cut hard. It had ripped through her armor; through the leather to the chainmail underneath and then through her skin. He wondered if it had scraped her ribs.

Her face felt frozen in that shock of horror as she looked around his, recognition sinking in more and more as her vestments became soaked with blood. Where did his start and hers end? The pain in her side was starting to set in, and now she was thoroughly shaking. She ripped her blades out of his chest to throw them away haphazardly. She placed her hands to his wound try to stop the blood flow, but it had stopped flowing rapidly when his heart had stopped. Her eyes were darting from his face to his chest to the blood around them. It was futile, he was gone, even his blood had started to feel cold against her hands.

The footsteps behind her did not register, but her sister's timid voice behind her let her know she had walked forward towards the scene. "He's gone, sister…There is nothing you can do."

She started sobbing them, crumpling up to press her forehead against his collapsed chest. Reality. This was too surreal to even be a dream. It had to be her chaotic reality. What else was there for the Maker to take away from her? Her sister? That was it. Her mother, her brother, her lover…All were gone. Everything was gone and all because of this incessant power struggle between mages and Templars, all because Anders had blown up the Chantry. What was there even to say? What was she supposed to say? Usually there was a eulogy, was it not required that the lover cry over promises broken and bemoan her broken hearted fate? Hawke could not do that. There were no promises between Fenris and her. Even the fact that they were each other's was not spoken aloud by them, it was just something everyone knew. Everyone knew from the red sash he wore, and the way her eyes lingered on him

She doubted that the Maker even existed. If He did what kind of sick joke was her life to watch everything ripped away from her? What kind of a sick creator would make a world where Hawke had to stab her own heart out to stop the world from burning?

She felt her sister's hands on her and that familiar warming sensation jolt her back to her body. Hawke jerked away, to shudder. The surrounding was coming back to her, there was a huge gash in her side that cut her breaths short.

"I do not need it. Save your energy." Her voice felt raw and every breath exhaled felt dry and hollow. Was it even her voice? She felt drained and weak but she could not stop now. They would not understand, but Fenris had. Fenris knew that Hawke could not have laid down and submitted to him, or to anyone in this instance. Hawke had seen it in his eyes in that last, horrible moment: the way he smiled at her as blood ran out of his mouth. He had tried to speak to her but he was suffocating on the blood that was pooling in his lungs and spilling out onto her as he collapsed.

"You are losing a lot of blood. You cannot continue on like this." She heard the fear in his sister's voice, and she heard the other step forward toward her as she stood over Fenris' body, still not able to move her feet as the world spun.

"You must be mistaken. Most of this is not mine." She closed her eyes to tilt her head back as she clutched her side to exhale slowly. It really did hurt. She knew it was a mistake when she had let Fenris that close.

"Hawke, do not be unreasonable." Aveline seemed more tense than usual, perhaps she saw Hawke as a murderer now. Hawke did not care though. It was empty. There was a void now. Perhaps Fenris had ripped her heart out and this was some kind of sick purgatory where she would repeat this moment in a loop.

"You cannot go on without your weapons anyways…" Merrill had moved forward, bent over the tossed aside swords. Hawke watched her out of the corner of her eyes to wince.

"Do not touch them." Hawke had started to walk towards the main courtyard, but it was much too slow. She was hunched over from the pain from her wound as she clutched it"…and you do not have to continue to follow me. I would actually suggest leaving."

Varric lost it, Hawke could hear the anger in his raised voice but she was beyond being moved. He ran in front of her to stop her. "Are you insane? Do you know what you just did? Have you any idea what you are walking into?"

He seemed to shrink at her gaze. "I am fully aware of what I did. I killed the person I loved the most next to my family. I slaughtered the man who held me up in my times of weakness. I watched as the life went out of him and I held him as the last of his blood poured out of him. What am I walking into, Varric? I do not really care. I want to end this."

Hawke pushed passed Varric and the others followed her timidly. They were chattering behind her as she reached down and picked up a sword off of one of the fallen Templars. The mage blood that covered it… did that taint it more than her blades? Her hands shook as she walked into the square to see Meredith and her squadron of Templers.

Cullen seemed to be backing off from her. They all did. Meredith had some eerie red glow around her. Hawke narrowed her eyes. Hawke remembered that feeling well. The same energy when she had touched the idol in the Deep Roads.

"My own Knight-Captain falls to influence to blood magic. You are all weak, allowing the mages to control your minds to turn you against me and I do not need any of you. I will protect this city myself."

Cullen stepped forward, raising his sword. "You will have to go through me then."

"Idiot boy, just like all the others."

Hawke looked back at Varric, motioning him forward. "Varric, does that seem familiar to you?"

"….Yeah… She's lost it just like Bartrand…"

"I am glad I wasn't just seeing things." Hawke slowly walked forward, tense and in pain.

Meredith turned her gaze to Hawke. There was something insane and feral in the gaze. "And look who it is, the Champion of Kirkwall has come to tear it down. I always thought you were nothing but trouble, climbing the ranks for what? To let the blood mages free? What about your own mother? Did she not die by a blood mage's hands? Cold corpses speak louder than abstract freedoms, do they not?"

Hawke raised her blade weakly. Her arm hurt her, the lyrium was burning under her skin. "You can walk away, Meredith. If you step down we can get this city back under control."

"What is this blasphemy? The Grand Cleric is dead and you speak of me leaving when you are the one who needs to make amends."

Meredith's blade started to glow a darker shade of red as she smashed it into the ground and made a prayer to the Maker for strength. Her body was engulfed in the red energy then and she made a mad dash for Hawke.

Hawke slid out of the way, ripping her side open more to scream in pain. She staggered to her feet to look at the area around her. Most of her friends were frozen, encased in that red lyrium. It seemed only Varric had slipped away from the lyrium, and Merrill. The statues were even moving forward towards them.

"Are the other okay?" Hawke was parrying Meredith's slashes weakly. She felt one misstep and she was a goner. It felt like Hell's flames were licking at her arms as the lyrium reached out to touch her.

Merrill had poked a frozen Aveline. "They just seemed to be frozen. If we defeat her they should be fine."

"Then let's get to it!" Varric's arrow had hit Meredith's blade to make her stagger back.

The Templars seemed to be handling the statues but Hawke doubted she could beat Meredith in her condition. Her pride was going to be the death of her. She got a few good swings in before Cullen had come to her aid to get the main focus of Meredith away from her. The weaker Meredith seemed to get the more her friends seemed to unfreeze. She felt Bethany blast her with a healing spell to then watch Meredith twirl around and gut a Templar. Varric was peppering the statues as Hawke danced around Meredith escaping her blows a lot quicker due to Bethany's healing.

"Maker, give me strength!" Meredith's voice pierced the battle for Hawke to jump backwards. She was a red ball of light, and the beam that shot out dazed her. Hawke fell to her knees to cover her eyes.

"Maker, guide your humble servant. Please tell me what I must do. What if…I am not doing the right thing? What if this is all madness? No! I must stay vigilant."

Meredith had really lost it. Perhaps in an alternate world where Meredith had not gone insane from the Lyrium…maybe Hawke could have liked her… Hawke could hear her footsteps drawing near and she crawled over the stones to hurry and stumble to her feet. She still could not see clearly but she wasn't about to lose here. A large stone went flying past her knocking Meredith back, sometimes she really loved Merrill's skills. Hawke shook her head, clearing her vision up to rush forward with Aveline and Cullen at her side. Their blades slashed at Meredith taking the focus away from Hawke. She leapt forward digging her blade into Meredith's throat to kick Meredith back. Hawke landed uneasily on her feet, gasping from the pain in her side as Meredith staggered backwards.

"I will not be defeated!" Blood was pouring out of her throat but her eyes were still that eerie red. "Maker, aid your humble servant!" She raised her blade and Hawke prepared herself but there was an odd sound, a shrieking before her blade broke into tiny shards. Meredith's screams filled the air as she fell to her knees. The lyrium circled her, encasing her and deplating her of everything. She was left as a glowing mummy before Hawke's eyes.

The Templars rushed forward, encircling Hawke and her company. They checked to see Meredith, and Cullen's eyes met Hawke's. She did not waver, and slowly the Templars stepped back. Hawke looked around, holding her side to meet her companions' faces. They did not make a sound as they turned and walked out from the main courtyard…..


End file.
